Hidden Secret For Too Long
by Ireland Maslow
Summary: James and his sister Alli have been abused by both their parents all their lives. James wants Alli to come to Los Angeles with him but their parents say no. What happens when she goes anyway? T for self-harm and attempted suicide in later chapters.
1. James Lifestory

A Hidden Secret For Too Long

Chapter One: James' Lifestory

I was on the plane and heading back to Los Angeles from Minnesota. We were heading back from visiting for christmas. It was an okay visit and now I'm going back to Los Angeles. The place I had always dreamed of ending up one day. Now I hate it. I never knew that the pressure of Hollywood would be so much. I loved that Big Time Rush was making it big, but it was all happening so fast. I didn't really have time to prosper what was going on half the time.

I was relieved to be heading home. I could get away from my mom and dad. I didn't care much to see my parents ever. My dad never acted like much of a dad to me. He used to hit me when he got mad or when I messed up. I hated him but never told him. Alli, my little sister, had told him and he was going to hit her, but I got in the way. Resulting in him taking all his anger out on me. I would always take any punishment dished out to Alli. I wanted to protect her and that was one way I could. Take the abuse for her.

My mom was no better than my dad. Although she had never hit us, she yelled at us and didn't try to stop dad. I would take all the abuse for Alli and I felt bad when I left because I was leaving her. I begged my mom to let Alli come with me. She said no and that Alli was fine where she was. I didn't believe her at all. I later discovered Alli was put in the hospital because of my dad. I was so mad I shattered my hand from hitting the wall. Kendall asked why I did that and I just told him that Alli was being picked on and I was mad.

I know he didn't believe me. He never did. But I couldn't tell him about the abuse because dad always threatened me. Once when he thought I had told someone, he slammed my head into the wall. Resulting in me blacking out for a little while. That was the first time I had cut. I didn't want to do it, but it was so tempting to do so. I just wanted someway to relieve the pain I felt on the inside. I wanted it to feel as bad physically as it did emotionally.

I still cut, but not as often as I used to. It used to be every night. I went too far one night and risked being discovered. I was terrified and felt sick afterwards. I was pretty sure I lost too much blood, but not enough to do any lasting damage. I was so scared that Kendall knew what had happened. He just kept looking at me with sympathic eyes and giving me sad smiles. I put on my best mask and pretended everything was okay. I wasn't used to people caring like how the guys, Katie and Mrs. Knight did.

I sometimes wondered if it was possible for someone to actually love me. Most people I got close to and began to love would hurt me or leave me. I was becoming distant from everyone because I was worried I would lose them. I couldn't live if I lost Kendall, Logan, Carlos, Katie, or Mrs. Knight. They were all I had left. My sister wasn't much for talking to anyone now. Not after what dad did to her. She's quiet and keeps to herself. She doesn't want to talk about anything. I still love her and I feel I'm the only one who understands her. She thinks the same way.

She likes for me to just sit with her and hold her. I'm her older brother, that's what I'm here for. I wish I could be home all the time and hold her through the long, lonely nights. She cried in my arms the night I arrived in Minnesota and I had to fight not to cry. I felt so horrible that I hadn't been there for her all this time. I wanted to be there forever. I asked her to come to Los Angeles with me and she said she would think about it.

Our mom is an alcoholic and she's drunk most of the time. I love my mom, but I didn't want Alli to have to literally be alone. I make sure she understands that she's never alone as long as I'm alive. I'm here for her no matter what. I would give up everything even Big Time Rush to be with her for good. I just prayed that she would come to L.A. with me. I had to protect her. I seen the scars on her wrist and that just broke my heart. I know what she was feeling. She doesn't know about my cutting and I didn't say anything about her's. I didn't want to upset her farther. I knew what I had to do though. I have to have a long sit-down talk with her soon.


	2. Sister Alli

**Hey, so this isn't my first story but it's the first to be published. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or anything else you may recognize in this story. I only own Alli and their parents. I know I didn't put this in the first chapter. I forgot to do so.**

**Alli's POV:**

James had just left and I was heading home from the airport with mom. I was sitting in the passenger side of the car and looking out the window. it was snowing pretty hard and everything was being painted white yet again. I wanted to go to Los Angeles with James so bad, but mom was a bit of a problem. I knew she wasn't going to go for me leaving for Los Angeles with James. I turned and looked at mom who was studying the road ahead of us.

"James offered for me to go out to Los Angeles," I said quietly. She looked at me with a smile.

"That's nice honey," she said. "It would be nice for you and James to spend some quality time together."

"He wants me to stay there," I said, barely audible. She still heard it though and she looked at me wide eyed.

"No, you are not going to live in Los Angeles with a bunch of boys. No daughter of mine is going to be thought of as a whore." She said, angerily.

"I won't be! Just because I'm living with three guys who are my brothers friends doesn't make me a whore! Katie and Mrs. Knight are there also!" I yelled. I counldn't believe her.

"We are not talking about this anymore. You're not going and that's finale!" She yelled back at me. I glared at her. I didn't care what she said. I was going to Los Angeles. She could be sure of that.

We were back at the house now and dad was home. I instantly got scared. I hated my parents. I used to love my mom, but after she had hit me I hated her. I walked in and was about to run upstairs but mom stopped me.

"Tell your father what you want to do." She demanded and dad looked at me and waited.

'"James offered for me to come live with him and the guys in L.A. and I want to go." I said and he stood up instantly.

"What so his little friends have someone else to sleep with? You are not going out there!" Dad said and then the back of his hand came into contact with the side of my face. He hit me hard enough to knock me to the floor. I reached a shaking hand up and gently touched my cheek. "Get up and go to your room!" Dad yelled as he grabbed my arm and roughly yanked me up to my feet and then shoved me towards the stairs.

I went straight to my room and slammed the door. I locked it and then grabbed my Ipod and threw myself on the bed. I started listening to If I Die Young by The Band Perry. I pulled my sleeve up and ran my fingers over my scars. I know James seen them, but I didn't understand why he hadn't freaked out. That was the James I knew. He freaked out about every little thing that happened to me. Maybe he just didn't care anymore just like every other person around me. Maybe I shouldn't go to Los Angeles. I don't want to be a burden on him, the guys and Mrs. Knight . Katie liked spending time with me. She always told me I was like the sister she never had. I hadn't cut in about one month so I was doing pretty good.

I was tempted to several times, but I didn't want to break the unspoken promise I made to James. He didn't know about it, but I promised him that I wouldn't do it anymore. I wanted to keep that promise. That was before he seen the scars. I had spoken to him on the phone and he made me promise I wouldn't doing anything stupid. Cutting was something stupid I did. So when I promised him I wouldn't do anything stupid, basically I was promising I wouldn't cut anymore.

I decided to wait until I was sure James' plane had landed and then I would call and tell him I was coming to Los Angeles. I didn't care if he really wanted me there or not. I was going. I had to get out of here and away from Minnesota. I knew he would be worried about me being there but I knew if I begged him enough he wouldn't send me home. I may not even have to beg him. He may just let me stay without a fight.

It had been a few hours and I was sure he had landed. I pulled my phone out and went through my number until I found James. I hit call and then waited.

_"Hey, sis," _ he said in a cheery voice.

"Hey, bro, I'm coming to be coming out there!" I said with as enthusiasm as I could muster.

_"Really? Mom and dad said it was okay?"_ He asked, sounding surpised.

"Yeah," I said. I just had to get out there and then mom and dad wouldn't be able to stop me. I talked to James for a few minutes and then we hung. James wanted me to wait about one week before I came out to give them time to sort everything out at the house. He wanted me to call when I was ready to come and he would be happy for me to be there. I began packing my bags and was planning to leave tomorrow. I had to get out of here now. I know I told James I would wait, but I just couldn't. I had to go now and get away for good. I would use the money James had given me. He wanted to give me money just incase. He gave me the extra for the plane ticket incase I got to come out. I would buy my ticket when I got there. I would just go when mom and dad were at work and then I would be going to Los Angeles and I would be out of here.

**Hope you liked it. Read and Review please! And please ignore any grammer/spelling errors. I didn't have time to proofread this or the first chapter. **


	3. Everything Will Be Alright

**Okay, so, here's chapter three. Hope you like it. And thank you to everyone who gave me reviews, story alerts and favorites. It's very much appreciated. =)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR or anything else you may recognize in this story. I only own Alli and their parents. **

**James' POV:**

I was sitting on the couch in the apartment and thinking about the call from Alli. I was so excited she was coming out here and getting away from our parents. I hoped everything was okay the next week until she came. I was surprised mom and dad agreed to let her come, but I figured they saw it as one less problem they had. They didn't care what we did and I knew that as well as Alli.

It was six and we had jst gotten home from the studio and we were just lazing around. Kendall was with his girlfriend Jo, Logan was in the shower and Carlos was down at the pool. I was just sitting there watching the news. They were talking about an earthquake somewhere. I had missed where, but I wasn't surprised that there was another. It seemed that's all you ever hear about.

I got up and walked to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge. I started to walk back to the livingroom when there was a knock at the door. I walked over and opened it to see Alli standing there with a suitcase next to her, a backpack and my old duffle bag. I blinked a few times out of surprise. I didn't know what to think.

"Alli what are you doing here?" I asked and she looked at me confused.

"I told you I was coming," she said, I nodded and stepped to the side to let her in.

"Yeah, but I thought we agreed on one week? What happened to your face?" I asked, noticing the bruise that took up most of the left side of her face She looked down and away from me.

"Dad hit you didn't he?" I asked, getting angerier by the second. She didn't move so I ushered her in. I got it now. I hadn't had the chance to talk things over with everyone. I had planned to do that tonight over dinner. We were quite busy yesterday and I hadn't gotten the chance to say anything. She put her bags down and was looking at the ground. She was playing with the edge of the black, lace glove she had on. She had one on both of her hands, she was wearing a dark red t-shirt that had a broken heart on it and a black skirt that had torn red lace over it and black leggings with a pair of black combat boots. That had become her style about two years ago when she was fourteen.

"Alli?" I said in a stern voice. She sighed and looked at me with a scared look on her face.

"Yeah, he hit me," she said in a small voice.

"Alli, it's okay now. Everythings okay." I said, pulling her into a secure and protective hug. She wrapped her arms around me tightly and pressed her head to my chest.

"I asked them," she said in a very small voice. Sounding more like a child than a sixteen-year-old. Obviously getting upset. I rubbed her back in a circular motion.

"What did they say?" I asked and she squeezed me a little tighter.

"Mom said no daughter of her's was going to be a whore and dad asked why you wanted me to come out here. He asked if your friends need someone else to sleep with." She said quietly. I held her tighter if possible and pressed my lips to the top of her head. "Please don't send me back."

"I would never make you do something you don't want to do." I told her as I hugged her tightly. Mrs. Knight walked in with bags of groceries and stopped when she seen us.

"Alli?" She asked as she seen her. Alli nodded. "Why are you here?" She asked and then I gave her a quick run down of Alli coming to live with us. I left out why exactly and told her it was because she was having problems with the kids in school and needed to get away from town for awhile. Mrs. Knight was okay wih it and told her to stay here as long as she needed. I was happy about that. I worried about when mom and dad discovered she was gone, but I didn't worry too much about it. She was with me and she was safe. That's what mattered at the momet.

**Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry if the chapters are short. I feel they are a little too short. Oh well. Read and review please! **


	4. Caught In The Act

**Okay, so, I know I just updated but I felt like going ahead and putting the fourth chapter up. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: BTR is sadly not mine. Allie is however and I know it's sounds weird but I also own their parents. =)**

**James POV:**

It had been one week since Alli arrived and we hadn't heard from mom or dad. She told me they hadn't called her at all. I was a little relieved by this. That meant world war III was postponed. We were just getting home from the studio and I was all sweaty and ready to go take a shower. I started up towards mine and Alli's room. We had moved her into my room when she got here and Logan, Carlos and Kendall were in the other room which was a little bigger than this room. Before Alli arrived Kendall and I had been in the same room. I walked up and into our room to find the bathroom door shut. I sat down and waited for Alli to come out.

It had been a little while and I still didn't hear anything. Being the overprotective brother I am, I got up and walked to the door. I knocked on it.

"Alli? Everything okay?" I asked and there was no reply at first. "Alli?" This time there was reply.

"I'm fine James." She said in what sounded like a shakey voice. "I'll be out in a minute." And with that I heard the water in the faucet turn on. I tried the door and it was unlocked. I opened it and stepped inside to find her with her wrist under the water and the water a pinkish red color. She had her other hand on her wrist and was rubbing the blood off.

"Oh my gosh Alli!" I said, running out of the bathroom and to the bedroom door. I locked it and then ran back in. She was just frozen at the sink. I turned the water off and grabbed a towel. I gently dabbed her wrist dry and then wrapped the towel around it to keep it from bleeding too much. I got the poroxide out and the gauze. I unwrapped her wrist and held it over the sink. I poured a little of the poroxide on it. She hissed in pain and I shushed her gently. After it stopped bubbling I gently wiped it off and then wrapped her arm in the gauze.

I guess I was too concerned with her bleeding arm to noticed her crying. She was crying a good bit. After I had put the poroxide and gauze back I pulled her into a tight hug.

"What would make you do this?" I asked as I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I felt my shirt growing wet where she had her face pressed against my chest. Her shoulders shook with sobs.

"Dad called me," she said, turning her head to the side but not removing it from my chest.

"What did he say?" I asked, a little afraid to ask.

"That once he finds me, he's going to kill me for disobeying him and leaving. He said he knew I was with you, but I denied it. I told him you called and said you didn't want me to come and he just laughed. He said that even you don't want a little whore on your hands. He said that you don't want to come home and find your friend and little sister having sex everyday." She said as she continued to sob. "James I'm so scared." She said, her grip tightening. Mine did too.

"Don't worry, he will not find you. If he ever shows up around here I'll let him kill me before I let him near you. I'll have his butt thrown in jail for everythings he's done if that's what it takes to keep you safe." I promised her and she continued to sob against my chest. I was honestly just as scared as she was. I hated that such a young girl had to go through this. I hadn't been there the last two years and I hated myself for that. I picked my dream over my sister. What kind of a brother does that? I was such a horrible brother to her. I don't see why she loves me. She has no reason to love me.

I pulled away after a few minutes and reached down to gently wipe her tears away. She sniffled and stared at me with sad broken eyes. I hugged her one last time and then we walked back into the room.

"Are you going to be okay long enough for me to take a shower?" I asked and she nodded.

"Okay, if you need me, just knock okay?" I said and she nodded once again. "Or if you need something you can go to Mrs. Knight or one of the guys." I said and then I walked over and got a pair of jeans and a t-shirt then walked into the bathroom. I decided to take as quick of a shower as I could. I had to get back to my sister. I couldn't stand to see her hurt like this. I could stand that she was cutting. . . Again. I have to help her. I have to protect her. There was nothing going to stand in my way of protecting my baby sister.

**Hope you liked it! And don't worry that's not the end of their parents. They'll be around later on. Read and Review please!**


	5. Things We Don't Talk About

**Thank you for all your wonderfull reviews and such. I'm really enjoying writing this story. =)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned BTR do you honestly think I would be on here writing? Didn't think so. **

It has been one since I found Alli in the bathroom. I was still upset about it but I understood her cutting. I had to have a talk with her about this. Maybe if we sat down and talked about the things we never have before, she'll feel better. I walked into the bedroom and leaned against the doorframe and stared at Alli, who was sitting on her bed and reading a book. I tried to see what she was reading, but couldn't make it out. It looked like one of the Maximum Ride books. Not a big surprised if it is.

"Why are you staring at me?" Alli asked, not looking up from the book. I smiled and walked in, shutting the doro behind me.

"Alli, we need to talk," I said and she finally sat the book down. She sat up and I sat on the bed beside her. She stared at me intently, patiently waiting for me to say something.

"About what?" She finally asked. I sighed and decided to start with the cutting.

"I know that cutting can be a good release." I said and then paused to look at her. She seemed scared about this but she didn't say anything, so I continued. "I used to cut also." I said and then lifted the sleeves of my long sleeved t-shirt to show her the scars on my arms. "It's something that releases the pain and makes it better. It's one thing you can control. It doesn't control you. But you have to stop. Next time you feel like doing that, come talk to me. I'm here for you no matter what. You need to get past this and stop hurting yourself." I said and then hugged her.

"I'm sorry James," she said in a soft voice.

"Shhh, don't apologize," I told her and then kissed her on the head.

"I don't feel too good, so I think I'm going to lay down for a little while." She said as we pulled away.

"Okay, I'm right out here if you need me." I said, pointing towards the door. I got up and walked out into the other room. I saw the guys sitting on the couch so I walked over and sat down.

"Hey dude, what's up with you and Alli?" Logan asked and the other guys looked at me also. I gave them a weird look.

"Nothing," I said and then raised an eyebrow. "Why would anything be up?"

"We just noticed that you two seem. . . . Different. . . . Well, you seem different, Alli's just Alli." Kendall explained and I nodded.

"Just upset about Alli being bullied enough to make her want to come to Los Angeles to get away. I want to go back to Minnesota and give those idiots a good beat down and a piece of my mind." I said, trying to hide my anger. That was true. That's how I felt. Not about someone picking on her, but our parents. I hated them for what they did to Alli. I was informed that mom had hit her. I couldn't believe that. Mom always yelled at us, but she never hit us. Now she's just as bad as dad is. I was happy Alli got out of there.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Carlos asked and I thought about it and then shook my head no.

"I don't think so," I said and then looked intently at the TV. I was hoping they would drop it and just leave me alone. I know better though.

"Are you sure everything is okay, James?" Kendall asked, sounding suspicious. _And here comes the pounding questions. _I thought to myself.

"Seriously, everything will be okay," I said. _Would things be okay? I knew I had to do what I could to make them as okay as possible for Alli. Things __**WILL**__ be okay James._ I told myself that over and over. I had to make myself believe that is **will** be okay.

"Okay. . . . But if you or Alli need anything, we're all three here for you." Kendall said and I nodded.

"I know," I said and then went back to staring at the TV. I had no clue what was going on. My mind was going wild with worry and questions. Everything will be okay. Even if I have to give my life. It will be okay for Alli.

**Hope you enjoyed it. I may post another chapter today so check in after awhile. Read and Review please!**


	6. Nightmare

**Okay, here's another chapter. Enjoy.**

**Alli's POV:**

_I was backing up, trying to get away from the dark figure descending towards me. I kept backing up until my back hit the wall. I was terrified. The dark figure starting to descend into the light and I saw the twisted, evil smile playing on his lips. _

_"Please leave me alone," I pleaded. The cries fell on deafened ears. All of a sudden there was pain as the figure reached out and smacked me across the face. I cried out and was hit again. This time hard enough to knock me to the floor. I just laid there and cried. There was notihng I could do. My dad reached down and grabbed me by the neck and pulled me to my feet. He held slammed me back into the wall and squeezed tighter. I couldn't breath. Everything was going dark and all I seen was the evil smile on his face. He squeezed a little tighter. _

I shot up in my bed. I was breathing heavily and I had sweat all over my face. My body was way too hot for comfort. I looked around the dark room and saw James laying in his bed fast asleep. He was laying on his back, head turned so I could see his face. His chest was rising and falling in a steady was just a dream. I calmed down a little by telling myself this and then looked around the room. Everything was the way it was when I fell asleep.

Everything was quiet, too quiet. I heard something outside of the room. I was about to jump up and wake James when the door creaked open and a dark, tall figure stood in the doorway for moment before coming towards me. I instantly screamed out.

"Please, no! No! No! Go away! Leave me alone!" I yelled. James jumped up out of bed and looked at the dark firgure who was standing still. He seemed frozen. James turned the nightstand light on. Kendall was standing there a look of terror on his face.

"Kendall! What the heck are you doing?" James yelled, coming over to me and sitting on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and I began to cry.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you Alli. I was coming in to close your guys window. It's pretty cold out and I knew you had your window open. I didn't want you to freeze." Kendall said.

"It's okay Kendall, I had just woken up from a bad dream. That's why you scared me so much." I explained. Kendall came over and hugged me. It was a bit weird because James still had ahold of me but it was okay.

"I really am sorry." He said as he pulled away from us. "I'll just close your window and let you two get back to sleep." Kendall said and then walked over and closed the window. He then walked out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him. I snuggled into James' side as the tears slowed.

"It's okay Alli," James said. "What was your nightmare about?"

"Dad," was all I said. He nodded in understanding and started rubbing my back in soothing circles.

"Try to get some sleep." James said after I had calmed down.

The sunlight streamed through the slit in the curtains. I rolled over and looked to find James' bed already made. I got up and walked out to the kitchen. As I walked down the hallway I heard Kendall's voice.

"What was that all about last night?" Kendall asked, sounding frustated and worried. I stopped at the end of the hallway to listen in on what they were talking about.

"Nothing, Alli had a nightmare and seeing you scared her." James explained in a casual voice. Trying to make them believe it was no big deal.

"That was not just a nightmare, James! Aren't you worried about her? She kept saying no and told me to go away and leave her alone! That's not a normal nightmare! What is going on with Alli?" Kendall pretty much yelled at James. James shrugged.

"I don't know." James said.

"That's not a very good excuse! Something's going on that you're not telling me." Kendall said and James was just quiet.

"Just drop it Kendall. I have everything under control." James said in a low voice. I decided this was a good time to step in. I walked over out from my hiding place with a smile on my face.

"Good morning," I said as I walked into the kitchen. I pretended not to see the threatening look James gave Kendall. I knew James was worried, but I wasn't sure what about. Everything was okay now, right?

**Thank you for reading. Read and Review please!**


	7. Unsuspected

**Here's chapter Seven. I'm really happy because this chapter was a lot longer.**

**Disclaimer: Big Time Rush is not mine. Niether are any of the other BTR characters. **

**James' POV:**

We all were on our way to the studio. I felt bad because I left Alli home alone. I was worried about her. I was staring out the window of the limo Gustavo sent for us. I hadn't realized Kendall was staring at me until we were almost to the studio. I looked at him and gave a small smile. He just smiled a little back and then looked at Logan who had said something to him. I looked back out the window and thought about Alli. I would have to call her after awhile when we got our five minute break. We finally got there and walked into the studio.

"Dogs, we're working on This Is Our Someday. We have to get recorded for Griffen." Gustavo said as soon as we walked in. We all nodded and followed him to the recording booth. We waited for the music to start and then for our cue and began to sing. The entire time I had Alli on my mind. I had ended up messing up the song and Gustavo was mad.

"James! What was that about! You completely missed an entire verse!" Gustavo yelled.

"Sorry Gustavo," I said, quietly. "My mind's just not here today." I explained.

"Well, I suggest you get it here! And soon!" He yelled. Kelly turned the mic off and began talking to Gustavo. I looked down and could feel the guys eyes on me.

"What's up dude?" Logan asked, I just shook my head. Not wanting to answer. I couldn't tell them I was worried about Alli because then they would never let it drop and would bug the crap out of me to find out what was going on.

"I'm just tired or something, I don't really know." I said and then Gustavo turned the mic back on.

"Dogs! Take a fifteen minute break! James, you better have everything together when the break is up!" He said and we walked out of the booth. I walked to the break room and got a cup of coffee and put some sugar in it and cream. I stirred it and then took a sip. I still noticed them looking at me as much as they could without staring. I didn't like it, but I understood they were worried. I walked to the other room and pulled out my phone. I hit Alli's name and held the phone to my ear. I took a sip of coffee as I waited for her to answer.

_"Hey, James,"_ she said when she answered.

"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked, knowing she probably had an odd look on her face.

_"Okay, why?"_ she asked with that suspicious tone she usually had when my behavior wasn't making sense to her.

"No reason, just checking to make sure everything's okay. Is Mrs. Knight or Katie there with you?"

_"Mrs. Knight is here. Katie's with a friend. Are you okay James?"_ She asked, sounding really suspicious now. I sighed.

"It's just, I feel bad leaving you alone. I worry that you may. . . . You may hurt yourself again." I whispered the last part incase someone was near.

_"James, I'm fine. I won't do that again, I promise."_ She said and I sighed.

"Okay, I have to go," I said. "I'll see you in a little while."

_"Okay, bye,"_ she said.

"Bye," I said and then hung up. I walked around the corner to go back to the break room and was met by Kendall as soon as I turned the corner. He seemed surprised to see me.

"Did you hear any of that?" I asked, a little worried if he had.

"Any of what?" He asked, sounding confused. I shook my head.

"Nothing," I said and then walked away from him. I took another drink of my coffee as I walked into the lounge area. The other two were in here already. Logan was sitting on the couch and Carlos was in the chair beside him. I took the chair across from Carlos and looked at the ground and drank my coffee. I pulled out my phone and decided to check my facebook. I started going through the fan page of mine and seen the post that were all the same.

They all were from crazed fan girls who were in love with me and told me so. Don't get me wrong, I love the attention. I'm James Diamond after all. James Diamond loves the attention. Especially from the girls. But I just wasn't in the mood for some reason. I looked at my personal page, the one where I have a different name. It was for my friends and family to be able to stay in touch with me through facebook.

I had made it right after we got to Los Angeles. Realizing that once BTR got big, girls would look us up on facebook. I didn't want all my personal information on facebook so I got rid of my old one and made me one with a fake name. Then told my friends from Minnesota and my family about it. It was nice to have somewhere where I wasn't James Diamond 'the face' of Big Time Rush. I was just James. The kid they grew up in school with. The cousin they enjoyed hanging with and had many childhood memories with. I was the James that grew up down the street. The simple James.

I may love the attention, but it was nice to be able to just be a kid. I may be seventeen almost eighteen, but I'm still a kid. I still enjoy hanging at the mall and the movies. That was hard to do now because I would get noticed and crowded. Making it hard to do much with friends. Nothing was going on on my facebook page so I closed it out. We were going back to the booth anyway.

**Six p.m.**

We finally got off and were walking into the apartment. The guys were talking about a hockey game that was on tonight and I was barely listening. I just wanted to get in and check on Alli. I walked into the apartment and went to mine and Alli's room. I walked in and she wasn't there. I got changed and then walked out. The guys had changed and were sitting on the couch watching the sports channel. I walked into the kitche to find Mrs. Knight who was making dinner. She was stirring the gumbo with a spoon.

"Mrs. Knight, where's Alli?" I asked and she smiled and put the spoon down.

"She down at the pool," she said and I nodded. "You should go get her for dinner." I nodded and walked into the livingroom. I started towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Carlos asked in a curious voice. The other two looked up at me also.

"I'm gonna go get Alli for dinner," I said and they all nodded.

"Oh, James, can you get Katie while you're down there?" Mrs. Knight asked, coming from the kitchen. I nodded and then headed out the door. I got on the elevator and hit the button for the lobby. I walked out and to the pool area. I stopped and scanned it, looking for Alli and Katie. I saw Katie sitting next to another small girl. I believe her name is Sandra. I walked over to her.

"Katie, your mom sent me to get you." I said and she nodded. She said bye to the other girl and then started towards the lobby. I looked around and saw Alli sitting on a lounge chair talking to a girl I didn't recognize. She had curly black hair that came just past her shoulders, tan skin and was wearing a yellow sundress. I walked over to them and put on my famous James Diamond smile.

"Hi ladies," I said and both turned to look at me. "Samantha?" I asked when the unknown girl turned around.

"Well, if it isn't James Diamond in the flesh." She said as she stood up. Samantha was my dad's best friends daughter. I had dated her for a little while. But she was close with her dad and her dad was close with my dad. She told her dad everything we did. Her dad told my dad a lot of it. My dad had heard something he didn't like and I ended up with a busted lip, bloody nose and a black eye. I broke up with her after that. Told her I just wasn't really looking for anything serious at the moment and she understood. We hadn't been dating long and we were just getting serious at the time. We had stayed friends, but it wasn't like really good. I had only talked to her once since coming to L.A.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her as I hugged her. Thinking about dating her made me realize her being here was a dangerous thing. She may say something to her father about us and then he'll tell our dad.

"I finally got my dad to agree to let me come out here and persue my dream of singing." She said.

"That's great," I said as we pulled away. I couldn't just ask her not to say anything to her dad. She would know something's up and would ask. I couldn't have another person bugging me constantly.

"Well, I hate to cut this short but Mrs. Knight has dinner done and I just came to get Alli. We'll ahve to catch up later." I said.

"Yeah, we will," she said. "See ya guys later." She said before walking away. We made our way to the elevator. Neither saying anything. She looked at me on the elevator and her eyes showed she was thinking the same thing about Samantha being here.

_We're in trouble._

**Ooooo, what will happen next? Haha, hope you enjoyed it. Please Read and Review. It would mean a lot to me. =)**


	8. Old Friends, New Love

**Okay, so here's the seventh chapter. And could you go read my songfic I'm Not An Angel? I have no reviews or anything on that story yet =( So if you get the chance please read it. It would mean a lot to me.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or anything you may recognize. **

**James' POV:**

I was sitting in the bedroom waiting for Alli to get out of the shower so I could take a shower. I was texting Samantha. She was so nice and I loved that about her. I had still liked her even though I broke up with her. I never wanted to break up with her but I had to. I just hoped she wouldn't say anything about us to her dad.

_Have you said. . . Anything to your dad about Alli and I? - James_

_No. . . Why? - Samantha_

_I just wanted to make sure becuase Alli's been having some problems at home and our parents don't exactly know she's here. - James_

_Oh my gosh! What happened to her? - Samantha_

_She was having problems with being picked on. Promise me you'll keep her a secret? - James_

_Yeah, sure. . . But don't you think your parents would like to know she's safe? - Samantha_

_She's a strong girl. I'm sure they know she's okay. - James_

_I hope so, I have to go ttyl. - Samantha _

_K ttyl. - James_

I laid my phone down and sighed in relief. She hadn't said anything. We dodged a bullet there. I wondered what was going to happen. I mean would our parents find out Alli was here? If so would they come out here? Or would they just be happy we were both gone? I was worried about that because my parents weren't good with us disobeying them. I got more of a punishment than Alli did but she was still hit and such. I had gotten so mad at my dad once because he locked Alli in a closest when I had spent the night at Kendall's. She was only eleven at the time. He had no right to do that to her.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when the bathroom door opened and Alli walked out. She was running a brush through her wet, light brown hair. I smiled at her and passed her to go into the bathroom. I got undressed and took a quick shower. After I got out I put on a pair of black jeans and a red t-shirt that had a random design on it. I did my hair and then walked out of the bathroom. Alli was sitting on her bed and staring at he ceiling.

"Why aren't you in there with Katie? Or the guys? Or over at Samantha's?" I asked and she shrugged.

"I don't know, just didn't feel like it." She said and I nodded.

"We're safe, Samantha said she didn't say anything to her dad and I asked her not to and she promised she wouldn't." I explained and she smiled.

"That's good. I'm glad we're safe," she said and I nodded.

"You know I'll always protect you right Alli?" I asked and she nodded but didn't say anything. I sighed and sat down on the bed beside her. "Alli, I promise you're safe. I will never let anything happen to you." I said and she smiled at me. She sat up and hugged me. I hugged her back.

"Thank you James," she said and I nodded and held her tighter. I pulled away.

"I'm going to be out tonight, do you want to come?" I asked and she shook her head no.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"I'm going to hang with Samantha for a little while. Sure you don't want to come?" I asked and she nodded.

"Go and have fun," She said and I smiled. I got up and walked to the closet and put my black shoes on and then grabbed my black leather jacket. I walked out and started towards the door.

"Where are you going all spiffy?" Carlos asked with a smirk. I smiled at him.

"Out with Samantha," I said and he smiled.

"Dude didn't you break up with her a few years back?" Logan asked.

"What's your point?" I asked, pulling my eyebrows together.

"I just meant that it's weird for you to be dating your ex." Logan pointed out.

"Ah, but I'm not dating her," I said with a smile. Their smiles widened if possible.

"That won't last long," Carlos teased. I just chuckled and shook my head as I walked out. I walked to the elevator and hit the lobby button. I was meeting Samantha in the lobby. I got off and looked around. I smiled when I saw her standing near the door. She had her hair like she always did, it was just down and curled which was natural. She was wearing a purple dress that came just above her knees and was wearing purple flats. I thought she looked beautiful. She was always beautiful, it was a natural beauty.

"Ready?" I asked as I approached her. She smiled.

"Yes, I am," she said and then we walked out of the Palm Woods. We walked to my car which was a black mustang. I opened her door for her and she thanked me and got in. I closed the door and then walked around to my door. I got in, put my seatbelt on and started the car. I pulled out of the parking-lot and started towards the restaurant. I was happy to be going out with her. I know we both understood it wasn't a date but it was nice to see her. We made small talk on the way to the restaurant.

We finally got there and had made small talk over dinner. Basically we talked about everything that had been going on since I left. We had just planned on going to dinner and then we were going home. So this wasn't a real date, right?

"James, I need to tell you something," she said and I looked at her with curiousity.

"What is it?" I asked and she sighed.

"It's not something you're going to like." She said and I pulled my eyebrows together.

"Samantha, what's going on?" I asked, getting a little worried now.

"I talked to my dad right before I went to the lobby to meet you. I accidently said something about Alli. I told him what you said and basically begged him not to say anything but he said it would be best they knew their daughter was safe and with her brother. No matter what I said I couldn't get him to agree not to say anything." She said.

"Samantha! Why would you do that?" I said a little too loud. I had a few people look at me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Why can't I just keep my big mouth shut?" She asked, putting her elbows on the table and putting her head in her hands. I instantly felt bad.

"Samantha, I'm sorry. I understand it just slipped out. It's okay," I said and she looked at me.

"Really?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, it's fine. Let's just getting going home," I said. I waved the waitor over and got the check. I paid and then we left. I opened her door for her again, shut it, walked around, got in, put my seatbelt on and started the car. I made my way home, the only thing on my mind was Alli. I know Samantha didn't mean to tell, but I still couldn't believe this was happening. I had to protect Alli. I would keep my word. I would die before I let my parents touch Alli.

We got back and went up to Samantha's floor. I walked her to her door and we said our goodbyes. I may not have had a very good father but I knew how to be a gentleman. Even though I was worried to death about Alli, I still had to be a gentleman and walk her to her door and such. As soon as her door was closed I ran to the stairs. She was one floor above us and the stairs would be faster.

I got to our floor and ran into the room. I was met by Logan who was sitting on the couch reading. Everything was quiet. He looked up at me.

"How was your date?" He asked, with a smirk.

"I'll tell you later. Where's Alli?" I asked, frantically. He looked at me odd.

"In your guys' room. Why?" Logan asked.

"I just need to talk to her," I said, walking into the room. I saw Alli sitting on the bed staring at her phone with horror on her face.

"Alli?" I asked as I walked towards her. She looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Dad's coming to Los Angeles," she said and I just stared at her.

**Hope you liked it! Read and Review please!**


	9. Being Afraid

**Okay, I actually managed to get a chapter done today with all my schoolwork. I am officially home free (even though I'm homeschooled) haha. And if you could read I'm Not An Angel and give me at least ONE review on it I would be happy. Pretty, pretty please will you?**

**Disclaimer: Big Time Rush is sadly not mine =(**

**Alli's POV:**

The next day I went to the studio with the guys. Not wanting to be at the apartment alone. I stuck close to whoever I could. I know the guys noticed. James barely said anything and at the moment was being yelled at by Gustavo for messing the song up for the third time. James was just so frightened but he was trying to hide it because of me and not to raise suspicion from the others. It wasn't working too well. I was sitting in the chair next to Kelly and glancing at the door every few minutes. I was expecting to see my parents at any given moment.

I know James felt the same given as he kept looking at the door also. There was nothing we could do but sit and wait for the worst to happen. We both knew we couldn't tell the others because then they would be apart of it and they would be in just as much trouble as we are in now. Niether of us wanted that to happen to them. We knew we had to face the storm ourselves and keep everyone around us safe. That was what we were supposed to do right?

Gustavo decided to give the guys a break and they made their way to the break room. James had managed to get everything under control and was doing a lot better with the singing and hadn't messed up. I stuck close to James' side as we walked to the break room.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." James told me and I nodded. After he was gone I stuck to the closest person to me. Logan. I know Logan noticed I was sticking awfully close but he didn't say anything. He didn't seem to mind it. Kendall kept staring at me and honestly it was making me uncomfortable. I didn't like being stared at. My dad used to stare at me when I made him mad in public. Basically telling me it was going to be bad when he got me alone.

I know Kendall would never hurt me but it still made me uncomfortable. I just stayed close to Logan who was talking to Carlos about some video game. Kendall was kind of off from the rest of us. It was like he was trying to tell me with his eyes that he knew something was up.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked me, looking down at me. I hadn't realized how close I had moved to him when I noticed Kendall staring. I scooted away a little from him. Thinking maybe I was making him uncomfortable by being so close.

"I'm fine," I said and then glanced back at Kendall who was still staring intently at me. I looked back at Logan and he followed my line of sight to Kendall. He stared in Kendall's direction and Kendall looked away. Acting like he was just absently mindedly looking around the room.

"Why is Kendall staring at you? Is that making you uncomfortable?" Logan asked, looking back at me. Carlos had gotten up before Logan asked if I was okay and went to get a drink. I looked down at the floor.

"I don't know why he's staring at me. But yes, that does make me uncomfortable. I don't like people doing that." I said and he nodded in understanding. If any of them understood not wanting attention it was Logan. Logan surprised everyone in Mennisota when he agreed to become a singer. He's so shy and quiet. He doesn't like attention. That's why I've always gotten along with him so well. We're a lot alike in many areas. Both the smartest in our class no matter what class. Both like just being in the background, going unnoticed by everyone. Not liking crowded places like parties and such. I got along with him for those reasons.

"Just ignore him," Logan said and I nodded. Logan gave me a smile. I began to wonder where James was. He was taking an awful long time to get back. I began to worry but it was short lived as he came walking into the room a few moments later. I smiled when I saw him. He smiled back and sat down near me. He began to talk to Kendall about some girl at the Palm Woods. I didn't bother to evesdrop on that conversation.

"So what's with you and that Camille girl? Is she your girlfriend?" I asked Logan who was texting someone. He smiled and looked up from his phone. He shrugged.

"No, we're not together anymore. I still like her and I think she likes me but we broke up because her and James kissed." He explained. I looked at him with wide eyes.

"My brother kissed your girlfriend?" I asked incredilously. He just laughed and rubbed his knee with the palm of his hand. That was something he had always done. I never understood it but he did it a lot.

"Yeah, he did," he said with a smile. "He was helping her rehearse lines for an audition, she's an actress, and they got caught up in the moment and kissed. It was in the script but they had already kissed for the script, the second one just happened. They got caught up. It's not a big deal anymore." He explained. I could see that something upset him. I was pretty sure it was losing Camille.

"Oh my gosh, you still like her a lot. Like a lot a lot." I said in an 'aw' voice. He just laughed.

"I guess so. I'm not sure," he said and then sighed. "But it doesn't matter now. We broke up and that's that." He said and then Kelly walked in.

"It hasn't been twenty minutes yet!" Kendall whined.

"I know, James, Alli your parents are here to see you." Kelly said with a smile. I looked at James with wide eyes. I wasn't ready to face them. I felt like just telling her to call the police. To not let those psycos in this building with us. But instead I stood up and walked out, staying close to James' side as we walked. We came into the front room and Kelly smiled and left us to catch up.

"Hi kids," dad said, stepping towards me. James stepped forward and put his arm over my chest to push me behind him.

"Don't you dare touch her," James said in a low, protective voice. Dad just smiled.

"I just wanted a hug," he said, stepping back. Mom smiled at us and said hi. Neither of us said anything.

"Can we come listen to you record?" Mom asked, I looked up at James. We both knew we had to let them because if we didn't then questions were going to be asked as to why our parents were here and why they didn't stay. It would also make them mad and they would later take it out on us. James just nodded sadly and lead them back into the break room. James kept me close by his side. Not letting them get too close to me.

"We're on break right now." James said, no real emotion in his voice. He sat down by Kendall and pulled me down inbetween him and Kendall. Knowing they were the two strongest incase our parents tried anything it was best I was near them. Logan was on the other side of James so our parents sat on the wide chair across from us.

"We were really worried about you Alli." Mom began.

"Yeah, young girls shouldn't just take off and go to Los Angeles with no real idea of where they're going. There are a lot of bad people who will do bad things to you if they get the chance." Dad said in an odd tone. I knew that things were going to get bad when they got us alone.

"She made it to me safely. She's perfectly safe here," James said, bitterly. I know the other's picked up on the tension, they just didn't understand it. An awkward silence fell of the break room. The only sound was the air conditioner running and the sound of a fresh pot of coffee brewing.

"So we were thinking that we would get a hotel room with three beds so you two can stay with us." Mom said in a sweet voice. I gripped onto James tightly and held him close. I was scared of that idea.

**Hope you enjoyed it. Read and Review please! It means a lot to me to see those reviews!**


	10. Let The Chaos Begin

**Sorry I didn't update earlier. I had to baby-sit this morning and then had to get my schoolwork done then I had Bible study. I was finally able to sit down and finish this chapter. I made it longer so I hope that makes up for me not updating earlier. =)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or anything else you may recognize in this story. **

**James' POV:**

"So we were thinking that we would get a hotel room with three bed so you two can stay with us." Mom said in a sweet voice. Alli's grip on my arm tightened and she got closer to me. I could tell she was scared and so was I. This wasn't a good idea. I knew that but what would happen if we said no? I knew that we had to be careful not to make them any madder than they already were. I didn't know what to say.

"Mom can we talk about this later?" I asked, not really sure of what else to say.

"It's not that hard of a decision James. We just wanted to catch up with you two and figure out what we're going to do." She said and I looked at her.

"What do you mean to figure out what we're going to do?" I asked.

"Well, you don't think we're going to let you two get away with this, do you? More than likely Alli is going to be coming home with us." Mom said. I couldn't believe them. They couldn't take her back to that life. She wouldn't survive it this time. I just know she won't. Either it be emotionally or physically. They would be worse. They would hurt her. I knew what I had to do. If they were taking her, I was going too. No dream of mine was worth losing my baby sister over. I would just have to find someway to break it to the guys when the time comes.

The whole reason we went to the audition in the first place was to help make me famous. That was one of the reasons Kendall wanted us to come with him when Gustavo chose him because it was my dream to be famous. I had worked so hard for this and we've gotten so far but I would drop it all at this very moment and walk out out of this room and leave Los Angeles for Alli. I would give anything to protect her.

It was six and we were back at 2J. I wasn't looking forward to this. They knew as well as we did that there was nothing we could do to get out of this. If we say no we have to have a reason to say no. I couldn't think of why we couldn't stay with them. We have no choice and that scares me.

"So how long are you here for?" Mrs. Knight asked as she placed a tray on the coffee table infront of the couch. She began handing cups of tea to everyone who had said they wanted it.

"Not long, we just came to get Alli and have a talk with the kids about this and then we're going back to Minnesota." Dad said and Mrs. Knight looked at us.

"You're parents didn't know you were here?" She asked with surprise in her voice. Alli shook her head no. I forgot she didn't know. I'm not sure any of them knew except for Samantha.

"We asked the kids to come with and we still waiting to know if they can and want to." Mom said and Mrs. Knight smiled.

"That sounds nice kids, you should go to work everything out and to catch up. You never get to see your parents James." Mrs. Knight said with a smile._ That's because I don't want to see them!_ I shouted in my head but wouldn't dare say anything out loud.

"Yeah, I think I may be a good think for you to spend some time with your parents." Logan said.

"Yeah, I mean we've all seen or talked to our parents while we've been here. You only see them or talk to them when we go back to Minnesota." Carlos said.

"Yeah, you should go," Kendall agreed. _Crap_. was the only thing I could think.

"I guess we can stay with you guys for awhile." I said after a few seconds and then looked at down at Alli. I knew she was terrified and so was I. I didn't want to go but there was no way we could get away with saying no.

**Next Day:**

We were on our way to the hotel mom and dad were staying in. I was holding Alli's hand and she was squeezing it. We got there and got out of Mrs. Knights car and walked into the building. We had been given a key from our parents so we could just come up and come in. We stopped outside of the door and I put the key in and unlocked it. I opened it for Alli and then followed her in.

"Hi kids, this is your room and our's is right back there." Mom said, pointing towards a hallway the had a stove, small fridge, sink, cabinets and a microwave on one side and a door on the other which I guessed was the bathroom. It looked like every other hotel room did. I placed my bag on the bed closest to the door. Alli doesn't like to sleep on the bed bear the door. She's always been afriad of someone breaking in or something. It was this weird thing of her's. She walked over and placed bag on the other bed.

**Nine p.m.**

I was surprised nothing had happened yet. Mom and dad had been gone the last three hours. Alli and I were sitting on my bed and watching TV and talking. The door opened and dad walked in. Mom wasn't with him. I instantly knew he was drunk.

"Alli, go lock yourself in the bathroom and do not come out for any reason!" I said, frantically. I was pretty much pushing her off the bed. She tried to get to the bathroom but dad had caught her by the arm and pulled her back. He raised his fist and was going to hit her.

"Alli!" I yelled. "Hurt me, not her! It was my idea for her to come! Please, just don't hurt her!" I said, fear welling up inside me. I felt like I would burst into sobs if he hit her. Dad stared at me for a moment and then released Alli. He started towards me.

"Alli, get in the bathroom," I said, calmly. She just stood there, frozen with fear I guessed. Dad brought his hand up and smacked me across the face. I was expecting a little more than that. I knew the worse as yet to come. Dad hit me again. This time it was more of a punch and it sent me to the floor. I hated that Alli was here. I hated she had to see this. Dad brought his foot back and kicked me hard in the stomach. I gripped my stomach and rolled onto my back.

Dad started kicking me in the side and then he got down on the floor and stradled my waist. He began to hit me in the face repeatedly. I tried to fight back. I raised my hands up to cover my face and he started hitting me anywhere else he possibly could. My body was already aching and I know from experience that he can go a long time without getting tired. I had to get away from him. That was the only way to stop this. That was the only way to ever stop it. Dad continued to hit me and I couldn't hold in the tears any longer. I had to let them fall.

"Stop crying you whimp!" Dad yelled and he hit me. I didn't know if Alli was still in the same place or if she had listened to me and left. I had to remember I was doing this for her.

**Alli's POV:**

I just stood there. I was frozen. James told me to go lock myself in the bathroom. But I couldn't. Dad stradled James's waist and started hitting him in the face. I had to leave. I knew I had to get out of there. I had to get help. I had to help James or dad was going to kill him.

The last thing I saw was James raise his arms up over his face. I ran out the door. I don't think either of them noticed. I just ran. I wasn't entirely sure what to do. I stopped once I got out on the sidewalk of the hotel. I pulled out my phone and dialed 911.

_"Hello, 911, state your emergency please."_ The woman on the other end of the line said.

"Please, p-please I need a police officer. My d-dad's beating my brother and h-he's going to k-kill him if y-you don't h-hurry!" I was crying really hard now, that's why I was stuttering so much.

_"Okay, sweetie, where are you?" _She asked.

"We're at t-the Dennis hotel down the road f-from Palm Woods. R-room 178." I said.

_"Police are on their way, stay calm. Are you in the room?"_

"No, I-I'm on the sidewalk outside the hotel. Please hurry!" I yelled into the phone. I couldn't breathe because of how much I was crying.

_" They'll be there shortly."_ She said. That's when I realized that I had to help James.

"I have to help my brother." I said while crying.

_"No, you stay where you are. Do not move from that spot. Do not-"_ I cut her off by hanging up. I ran back inside and ran to the emergency stairs and ran up to our floor. When I got close I could still hear all the commotion. I opened the door and seen dad had James on his feet and pressed against the wall. He was choking him. James eyes darted towards me. I ran over to them.

"Let him go!" I screamed at my dad while I tried to pull him off of James. Dad swung his arm back and knocked me to the floor. He released James and James instantly fell to the floor, gasping for breath and holding his throat. He was coughing a lot.

Dad started to make his way towards me. He grabbed me by my arm and yanked me to my feet. I was still crying. James tried to say something but he was still gasping and coughing. Once I was on my feet dad smacked me hard. If he hadn't been holding onto me I would had been on the floor.

He threw me to the ground and landed a hard kick to my side. I screamed and gripped my side. He kicked me again and this time it was to my thigh. He just kept kicking me and was sobbing. And then it stopped. I opened my eyes and saw dad hitting James again. I tried to stop him but that just earned me a punch in the face. It was to my nose and I was sure it was broke.

Dad had James again and was choking him once again. I wanted to stop him but I wasn't strong enough and anytime I get near him I just get pushed away. There was nothing I could do. James was starting to slow down with his fighting and then his eyes closed and his hands went limp. I was terrified. He was unconcious and dad wasn't letting go. All I could think was that dad was actually going to kill James. Right here infront of me. There was nothing I could do about it. There was banging on the door and I ran over and opened it. That got dad's attention. As soon as the door was opened a police officer ran to dad and James and pulled him away from James. There were paramedics coming in the room. One, a man, was trying to check me for injuries.

"No! Help my brother! Help James! Wake him up! Don't let him die! Please!" I started screaming.

"Calm down, they've got James. They've got him. They're checking him out. Come here and sit on the bed." The man said. He had short black hair, was tan, tall and had gentle eyes.

"Were you hit anywhere besides the face?" He asked and I nodded as the tears continued to stream down my face. "Where?" I was crying too much to reply so I just pointed. I pointed to my side, stomach and thigh. He nodded. He checked my nose and then looked at me.

"I need you to remove your shirt for me so I can check your side." He said and I just stared at him. "I promise I'm not going to hurt you sweetie. Would you feel better if we went somewhere private?" He said in a low, serious, sweet voice. I shook my head and slowly took my shirt off. I don't know if it was just because he was a man but I didn't want to be shirtless infront of him in a private room. I felt completely exposed sitting there in jeans and a purple bra. He examined my side and checked for broken ribs.

"Okay, you can put your shirt back on. Now can you take your pants off for me?" He asked gently. I nodded and stood and began to undo them. I looked over and saw them taking James out of the room on a stretcher.

"Wait! What's wrong with him?" I yelled. As I ran towards them and holding my pants up with one hand. A paramedic stopped me.

"He's unconcious and has some injuries. We need to get him to the hospital immediently." The paramedic said. I started crying again. The man who had been checking me out came over.

"Please come over here and let me check you thigh and then you can go to the hospital." He said and I nodded. We walked back over and I took my pants off and let him check the bruise on my thigh.

"Okay, you can put them back on." He said and I stood and put my jeans on. "You have a broken nose and you're going to have some bad bruises for awhile and you'll be in pain. We can give you something for the pain though." He said and I nodded. "Come with me down to the ambulance and I'll get your nose fixed up." He said and I nodded and followed him down to the elevator. Once in the lobby he lead me to ambulance. There were people all all around talking. I heard them asking what happened and saying 'they were just children' in a surprised way. I was pretty sure some of them caught on as they seen kids being taken by paramedics and before seeing a man in handcuffs.

We got to the ambulance and he had me sit down and he started working on my nose. After he was done a police officer walked over to me.

"You and your brother won't have to testify against your father in court. Is there a mother I should call?" The police officer asked. My eyes grew wide.

"Oh my gosh! My mom is still out there! She hit me! She's going to be mad! Please don't send me to her! I can't go to her! She's going to hit me!" I started rambling on and on. I couldn't breathe and had my hand on my chest.

"She's having an asthma attack," the paramedic said. He got the oxygen mask and put it on me. I took deep breaths and my breathing started to go back to normal. I hadn't had an asthma attack since I was ten. Even though there were times I thought I was going to have one I never did.

"Okay, once she's better we'll get the information from her and find her mom." I heard the police officer said. I wondered what was going to happen to James. Was he okay? When I had seen him, he had an oxygen mask on, was all bloody, was bruised already and was unconcious. I was scared.

**Hope you enjoyed it. Read and Review please! **


	11. What Happened?

**Okay here's chapter eleven. And I meant to put this at the beiginning of the last tow chapters but forget. The idea for the hotel and Alli going and getting help came from mandamichelle. It was not my own idea. Thank you mandamichelle! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR or anything else you my recognize. If I owned them I wouldn't be writing about them I would be staring at them. =)**

**Alli's POV:**

I was at the hospital. I was just walking up to James' room. Mrs. Knight and the boys were on their way to the hospital. I had to give them the information about my mom and then our guardian. I didn't know what to tell them so I just told them to call Mrs. Knight. She has been James guardian for almost one year now so she was suitable to be considered my guardian also. I was finally able to go in and see James. They fixed my nose better when I got here and did an X-ray on my ribs to make sure there wasn't any real damge, I had a few factured ribs but they said they weren't bad. I had a brace/bandage thing around my ribs and I was in a bit of pain but it wasn't bad since I had the medication. After that I had to give them the information. So I had been her awhile and they had gotten James fixed up and in his room. He was still unconcious though and they said he could be out for a couple days.

I opened the door and stepped inside. James was just laying there on the bed. He seemed lifeless. If it wasn't for the steady movement of his chest and the beeping of the heart moniter, I would had thought he was dead. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. I took his hand in mine and rubbed my thumb over the skin. He had stitches on his arm and on his forehead. He had a broken nose and a black eye. Both eyes were bruised but his right eye was worse then the left. His skin was littered with bruises and cuts. I felt horrible that I couldn't had done more for him. I felt tears sliding down my cheeks and I didn't bother to wipe them away, knowing more were going to fall anyway.

I had been sitting there for awhile when there was a knock on the door. I turned and it opened slowly. Mrs. Knight and Kendall came in. I could tell Mrs. Knight had been crying. I wiped my eyes and forced a smile.

"Hi," I said.

"Alli, what happened? They said your dad did this? Are you okay?" Mrs. Knight asked as she came over and sat in the chair beside the bed. Kendall took the chair beside her.

"I'm fine, just some bruising, a broken nose and a few fractured ribs" I said and she nodded.

"Why did your dad do this?" She asked and I looked down. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to answer that.

"Where are Logan and Carlos?" I asked, avoiding the question.

"In the waiting room. Only three people are allowed in here at once." She said and I nodded. I was pretty sure I knew that but just was too worried to care.

"Alli, what happened? Why did you dad do this? Did this happen back in Minnesota a lot?" She asked with a stern voice. I knew she was starting to get really worried. Especially since I wouldn't talk. I didn't say anything. It was a habit. I never said anything when someone asked what happened. I was too scared to say anything.

"Alli, you're parents have been arrested. You can tell us what happened. You're safe here." Kendall said, picking up on my nervousness. I felt a tear slip out and Kendall placed his right hand on my knee and gave it a little squeeze to reassure me that he was here and it was okay. I took a deep breath.

"Our parents both have verbally and physically abused us. Our mom used to just yell at us but then she ended up hitting me. She's hit me quite a few times since then. That was the real reason I had to get out of there. I had to get away from the abuse. I couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much to handle. It used to be horrible. Dad was worse with James then he was with me. He used to hit James all the time. James would take the blame for anything I did and he would tell dad to hurt him not me.

"He never wanted them to hurt me. He had a hard time leaving for Los Angeles without me. He felt horrible for leaving me. I knew how much he wanted this and he got a once in a lifetime chance. I encouraged him to go and told him if things got worse I would call him. Things only got worse as time went on. I never told him though because I didn't want him to give his dream up for me. What kind of sister would crush her brother's dream for her own selfish reasons?

"Then when you all came back to Minnesota for Christmas, he seen how bad things had gotten. He was upset because I hadn't told him how bad things really were. He asked me to come to Los Angeles with you guys but I told him I couldn't because mom and dad weren't going to go for that. They didn't. I asked but they said no. Mom said that no daughter of her's was going to go to Los Angeles and be a whore. And dad asked if James' friends. . . " I stopped and looked at Kendall. He was staring at me and I saw hurt, sadness and anger in his eyes. He had tears in his eyes. He squeezed my knee again to tell me to go on, that it was okay. I stared into his eyes and nodded before continuing.

"He asked if James' friends needed someone. . . . . . Someone else to sleep with. When I got here he called and told me that he was going to kill me when he found me. He said he knew I was with James. I denied it and told him James had called and told me he didn't want me to come." I said and then wiped my eyes as the tears began to flow at a fast pace. I felt Kendall rubbing my leg with his thumb.

"He just laughed and said that not even James wanted a little whore like me. And that James didn't want to come home everyday and find his little sister and friend having sex. I had to get away from that. I had to get out of there. I couldn't stay any longer. I just couldn't." I said as I broke down crying. I cried harder than I had in awhile. I was just letting it all out. I had to let it out.

Kendall stood up and walked over and sat down beside me. He wrapped his arms around me protectively. I just sobbed into his chest. I felt a third hand rubbing my back and knew Mrs. Knight was standing there also. Kendall moved one hand up and began to run it through my hair while shushing me and telling me it was okay. But all I could think was, _is it realy all okay now? Is James okay now?_ I didn't voice my thoughts mostly because I didn't want to and because I knew I couldn't talk with how much I was crying.

**Two days later:**

Kendall, Logan and I were sitting in James's room. Carlos and Mrs. Knight had gone back home. Carlos doesn't like hospsitals. He said he felt bad about not wanting to be here because of James and I but I told him it was fine. We're supposed to call them if there is any news or if James wakes up. Carlos had come to the hospital quite a bit but he didn't want to stay here. Mrs. Knight had to go home because of Katie and a few other things but she would be back after awhile..

"The doctor said there was a good chance he would wake up today." I finally said. It was the first full sentence I had made since the night James was put here.

"I'm sure he'll wake up any minute now," Kendall said. I smiled at him. Kendall had been here for me through all this. He held me when I cried and he told me if I wanted to talk, he was there to listen. I was thankful to have all of them around me. They were all helpful but it seemed Kendall understood it a little better. Maybe because I have talked to him and gave him a real view into what I felt and thought. Or maybe becuase he seen me cry. He's seen the pain I was put through because of how much I cry now that I can.

I never cried before because I was told that showed weakness and my parent hated that. They used to get mad if they seen me cry. I couldn't help it though and it just made them even more mad. I had told Kendall about that and he told me I could cry in his arms. He said he would never tell me not to cry. He said that crying is a good way to let it all go. I knew he was right. I felt nice to just be able to cry in someone's arms and have them understand and say nice things to me.

"I'm gonna go get something to drink and eat. Do you guys want anything?" Logan asked. We both shook our head no. He nodded and walked out of the room. It was quiet for awhile.

"What are you think about?" Kendall asked me and I shrugged.

"Everything," I said and he nodded.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked and I thought about as I stared at James.

"He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me." I said softly.

"Alli, you're his baby sister. We all know he would die for you." He said in a soft voice. I looked up at him.

"Saying you would die for someone is just supposed to be an expression. You're not supposed to have to die for that person." I said in a sad tone. I was so upset about this.

"He did what he had to do. He's not going to die Alli. He'll be fine." Kendall said in a reassuring way.

"I hope he will be. I can't live without him Kendall. He's my big brother. I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't wake up. He wouldn't be here if I had just stayed in Minnesota. If I had just sucked it up and stayed none of this would have happened. He wouldn't be hurt." I said, still looking at Kendall. Kendall was about to sat something but was cut off.

"That's not true," we heard a hoarse voice say. I turned and seen James staring at me with tired eyes. "If you had stayed in Minnesota you would had been hurt and that would have hurt me way more than this. This is something that will heal. I'll be okay with time. Losing you is an emotionaly hurt. Those things can't be healed." He said and I felt tears sliding down my cheeks. I leaned forwards and hugged him tightly without hurting him. He hugged me back as best he could.

Kendall had gotten a nurse and she ushed me off the bed so I wasn't in the way. I sat down in the chair next to Kendall and she checked on James.

"Is he okay?" I asked and she nodded. She turned around with a smile.

"James is going to be perfectly fine." She said and then turned back to James. "We just need to keep you for awhile for observation and so you can heal and then you can go home." She said.

"How long will that take?" James asked with a sad expression. I knew he hated hospitals and the idea of having to stay here wasn't appealing to him.

"A week at the most, I figure. Depends on how your healing process goes." She said and James nodded. Hopefully it goes okay and he can come home in no time.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna go call my mom and Carlos and let them know your awake." Kendall said and then walked out.

"How are you doing? Did you have any bad injuries?" James asked and I shook my head no.

"I have bruising, a broken nose and they found out I have a couple factured ribs. Nothing too serious." I said and he nodded. He opened his arms to me and I leaned downa nd gave him a hug. He just held me for a few minutes and then released me. The nurse came in and gave him some medicine and then left. We talked for a little while and he started to get sleepily because of the medication. I smiled.

"You should get some sleep." I said and he smiled and nodded.

"You should get some too. I can tell your tired by looking at your eyes." He said as he closed his eyes. I just smiled and a little while later he was breathing steadily. I knew he was asleep.

**Hope you enjoyed it! Read and Review please!**


	12. Songs And Yelling

**I really like this chapter and you'll see why. It's has a nice twist in the second part of the chapter. The song is When You're Young by 3 Doors Down. =) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR or the song used in this chapter.**

**Alli's POV:**

It had been two days since James had woken up. He was doing really well and they said he would be able to come home soon. I was happy about that. James wanted me to take a break from the hospital. So I wasn't allowed to go for three hours today. I had to stay away. He said he didn't want me to be here that much. He said he wanted me to stay at the apartment and do something besides obsess over him.

So here I am, sitting on my bed, strumming on James' guitar. My guitar was still back in Minnesota. I was just strumming, not really to a certain song. I had wrote plenty of songs and I was apparently talented in singing just like James. I never let anyone hear me though. I didn't think I was that good. James had heard me sing once because he walked in on me. He didn't say anything and went unnoticed.

I wrote a song in the last few nights. I hadn't been sleeping much because when I close my eyes I have nightmares. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry. So I stayed up and wrote and quietly played the guitar. I tried not to wake anyone and as far as I knew I hadn't. I began to strum to the song I had wrote.

"So far away from knowing where I am going  
I am trying hard to find out who I am  
They all see that I don't know what I am doing  
I say they don't hardly understand

Why can't they remember  
What I will never forget  
How these dreams come undone  
When you're young

You give what you give cause they make you  
Trapped inside a place that won't take you  
And they want you to be what they make you  
It's already over and done  
When you're young

Everything seems perfect  
Everything's okay  
And it will all get better now  
At least that's what they say  
But I don't see it coming-" I stopped when I felt someone was watching me. I turned to see Kendall standing in the doorway.

"Don't stop just because I'm here." He said and I took a deep breath and decided I would continue. I wanted to get over this fear of people hearing me. I began to strum again. Picking up where I left off.

"You give what you give cause they make you  
Trapped inside a place that won't take you  
And they want you to be what they make you  
It's already over and done  
When you're young

Days really just seem longer  
They say it's better this way  
I hope one day I am stronger than I feel  
And I hope it feels different than today

You give what you give cause they make you  
Trapped inside a place that won't take you  
And they want you to be what they make you  
(It's already over and done)  
When you're young

Why can't they remember  
What I will never forget  
How these dreams come undone  
When you're young."

I finished strumming and then looked at Kendall, who had moved to sit on the bed beside me. He just looked at me. I started chewing on my lip.

"That was amazing. Did you write that?" He asked and I nodded. He smiled.

"You have an amazing voice, you know that." He said and I smiled.

"I wrote it the last few nights. I haven't really been sleeping well."

"I know," he said and I looked at him with surprise.

"How did you know?" I asked and he smiled.

"I hear you playing your guitar. I haven't been sleeping well either. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately." He said and I nodded. I didn't ask what he was thinking about because it wasn't my buisness.

"I wrote a song about James when I was in Minnesota." I said softly. He smiled.

"Can I hear it?" He asked and I looked at him and began biting my lip again. I had just sang infront of him, why couldn't I do it again. I reached over and grabbed my notebook and flipped to a certain page and gave it too him.

"You can read it," I said. He chuckled and then started to read it and I just sat there. I began to strum the chords of the song he was reading. It was nice to have Kendall here. James didn't want me home alone so Kendall volunteered to 'baby-sit me' as he put it. I didn't mind though. The others were at the hospital with James. I wished I could be there but I wanted to make James happy so I stayed here. Kendall finished reading and looked up at me with a smile on his face.

"You should play it for him." Kendall said. My eyes got wide.

"I can't sing infront of other people!" I said and he chuckled.

"Alli, you just sang infront of me and lived. I think you can sing infront of your brother. Besides he would love it. I think it's something he needs to hear. Think about it and when I take you back to the hospital later maybe you can sing it to him." Kendall said with a sweet smile.

"I'll think about it," I said, he nodded and left the room. I went back to strumming on the guitar. I finally quit and sat the guitar down and looked at the notebook again and started to bite my lip again. I was pretty sure I wanted to do this. But I was still nervous about singing infront of James. I just need more time. I looked at the clock and found I have forty-seven minutes until I go back to the hospital. I decided I wanted ice cream so I walked into the kitchen and got a bowl out and got the chocolate ice cream.

"I think you have the right idea," Kendall said and got a bowl out. After I got my ice cream, he got his and we walked to the livingroom and sat down. He turned the TV on and flipped through the channels. He settled on the hockey game that was on.

"Oh! I don't think so!" I said, taking the remote away from him and changed it to Spongebob.

"You would rather watch cartoons than hockey?" He asked in an incredulious voice.

"Yes, I would. Ever since I got here I've watched hockey. I don't want to watch it anymore." I said and he laughed. "You're not going to fight me on it?"

"Nope, a gentleman never fights with a lady." He said and I laughed and shoved him. He was laughing also. We just sat there and ate out ice cream and watched spongebob. It was nice and I was enjoying it. I liked having a friend like him. He joked with me and he made me feel as if everything was okay. He made me feel safe. He made me feel like I had nothing to worry about. I liked that because he wasn't as timid around me. The others were too careful with me now that they know what happened. It's as if they think that they have to act different now that they know. I appreciate it and I know they were just watching out for me. It will take a little bit of time for things to go back to normal. I was happy that Kendall understood I was still me. I was still James' goofy little sister. The girl they picked on. The one that bugged them to death back in Minnesota but they didn't mind, once they got older that is. I was glad at least one of them still seen that little girl. I was different now, I know that. I know that I've grown up a lot and matured with everything I was put through. Parts of me were still that little girl that grew up around them, parts were broken beyond repair and parts were becoming a stronger woman.

**James' POV:**

I was waiting for Alli because her three hours were up over twenty minutes ago and I knew she would be walking through the door at any moment. I was sitting here with Logan. Mrs. Knight, Katie and Carlos had gone to get dinner since it was that time. Logan said he wasn't hungry so he stayed with me. I had the bed reclined up so I was in a sitting position and was eating dinner. Turkey and gravey with mashed potatoes, corn, water, and a big cookie. I was putting my last bite of mashed potatoes in my mouth and then picked the cookie up. I broke it in half and offered one half to Logan. He shook his head no.

"Logan, you've barely eaten anything. I couldn't get you to go down and eat with them. I asked if you wanted some of my food and you said no. Now your turning down a cookie? It's chocolate chip. your favorite," I said, holding the half of the cookie out to him again.

"I'm not hungry," he said and I sighed and sat both halves of the cookie down.

"Logan what's wrong?" I asked in a serious voice. I really was worried about him. He wasn't eating, he barely talked and he barely slept. I could tell because he had dark circles under his eyes and he seemed like he would collasp at any moment.

"It's just, I should have seen this. I should have knew the bruises were more than hockey injuries or you being clumsy. I feel horrible because I could have helped stop this way before it got this far. I always kind of knew something was up, but I just pushed it to the side. Brushed it off and convinced myself it was nothing. I shouldn't had done that. I should have known better. I should have seen that the bruises were worse than something you could do by falling. Hockey was a good excuse but I still should had asked.

"I never wanted to ask because I didn't want you mad at me if it really wasn't happening. And I knew if you didn't want me to know then you would still say that it was nothing. But I'm your best friend! I shouldn't had let that stop me! It's better to know you're okay than to know that you could end up dead and on the news!" Logan started yelling by the last part.

"Logan, it's not your fault my parents are messed up. You didn't know. And you're right, I wounldn't had told you. I knew better than to do something like that. Our parents did horrible things to us. I got my head slammed into the wall because someone had said something to my dad about my bruises and he thought I had told them about him hitting me. I hadn't told but he didn't believe me. He started yelling at me and then he grabbed my head and slammed it against the wall. I blacked out for a little while afterwards. After that experience I would never tell anyone about them. I knew what would happen if I did.

"Logan, please don't beat yourself up over something you couldn't change. There was nothing you or the guys could have done that wouldn't result in one of you getting hurt. I couldn't take it if one of you got hurt." I said and he stared at me. He stood up and began to pace.

"I don't care if we could have been hurt! We're best friends! We're supposed to protect each other! I was supposed to protect you and Alli! That's my job as your best friend! Alli's like my own little sister and I just let her get hurt! You're like my brother and I let you get hurt! I can't take it! I should have listened to what I knew! I should have listened when my head was screaming 'You idiot! They're hurting and you're not doing anything!' But I didn't! I went on with my everyday life! I had to hurt you by talking about how wonderful my parents were! I had to show you how wonderful they were!

"On my thirteenth birthday I had you and the guys over for a sleep over and I know you were upset! I seen it! I seen how you seemed a little upset everytime my parents were nice to me! The way you looked at us when both my parents hugged me and kissed me when telling me happy birthday! I had seen it before then but never thought much of it! I seen how upset you got but I didn't care! I'm a horrible friend because I seen it as it wasn't my fault that my parents loved me! I shouldn't had thought like that! It's not my fault but I didn't have to flaunt that my parents loved me around you!" Logan yelled. I was surprised no one had come in to take him out of the room because of his yelling.

"You're right, it's not you're fault they love you. You weren't flaunting that they loved you, you were_ embracing_ that they loved you. Yes, I got upset seeing you all with your happy families. You all three have two parents who would take a bullet for you. My parents wouldn't had cared if I was shot. They would had stood there and watched. They might have been the ones to shoot me. I don't have parents who love me but I'm not jealous that you do. I don't want you to feel unloved like I have. It's not a nice feeling Logan. I was happy you guys had parents who loved you." I said and he sighed in frustration.

"Yeah, but if I had confronted you about the problem years ago, you could have been loved!" Logan yelled.

"If you confronted me years ago and got my parents arrested, Alli and I would had been put in foster care! Probably with the same type of people my parents are!" I said, not yelling at him in anger but in frustration.

"But maybe not! Maybe you could have gone to an aunt and uncle or your grandparents! I could have saved you from that life you had in that home from Hell!" Logan yelled and then his fist connected with the wall. For as hard as he hit the wall I was pretty sure he had shattered it. He didn't seem to notice or care. The door opened then and Kendall and Alli walked in. Logan pushed past them and stormed out of the room. They looked at me, both with wide eyes.

"Kendall go get Logan and have a nurse look at his hand. He just punched the wall and I'm pretty sure he probably shattered it." I said. Kendal stared at me for a moment with his mouth hanging slightly open. He nodded and left, walking quickly in the direction Logan went. I noticed Alli standing there with a surprised/shocked look on her face. She had my guitar case in her right hand. I had never seen Logan lash out like that. He was always the calm one. He was always the one that you could go to for understanding. He was the one who always calmed us down. He always told us the same thing Mrs. Knight did, that violence and yelling never solved anything. He never yelled. I wasn't sure what was happening but I was positive I didn't like it.

**Hope you enjoyed it. Now do you see why I like the second part? I like seeing Logan like that because you don't see him like that often. Read and Review please!**


	13. Nothing To Prove

**Okay, so I really like this chapter. The song is Nothing To Prove by Phillips, Craig & Dean. It's one of my favorite songs at the moment.**

**Disclaimer: Seriously? Okay. . . Whatever, Big Time Rush is not mine! Happy I said! Even though you should already know that. Oh and neither is the song I use in this chapter. **

**James' POV:**

"Why do you have my guitar?" I asked her and she looked down and started to chew on her bottom lip.

"I wrote a song about you back in Minnesota and Kendall suggested I sing it to you." She said and I smiled. She walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed and got into position to play. She began to strum and then she began to sing.

"You taught me how to ride a bike,  
Tie my shoes and fly a kite.  
How to swim, and how to fish  
To see a star and make a wish  
Said it's okay to make mistakes  
Just don't get stuck in yesterday  
Forgive, forget, and move ahead  
Because life is what you make of it  
Now You're gone, and all I have  
Are memories I hold deep  
But if I'm quiet, I hear you're voice  
Still ringing in my ears

Saying live with no excuses  
Love with no regrets  
Laugh a lot and leave this life  
With nothing left unsaid  
Make this world a better place  
Don't be afraid to cry  
And when it's finally time, to say goodbye  
Nothing to prove, nothing to lose  
Nothing to hide

You see, life can not be measured by  
The place you live, the car you drive  
The thing that counts the day you die  
Is who you are, and what's inside  
So tell the truth, don't ever lie  
Integrity at any price  
Your words, your bond, your highest price  
So guard it close, and live your life  
So many things, I learned from you  
Bout' life and love and play,  
But I learned more by how you lived  
Then what I heard you say

So I live with no excuses  
And I love with no regrets  
I laugh a lot, and I leave this life  
With nothing left unsaid  
Make this world a better place  
Don't be afraid to cry  
And when it's finally time, to say goodbye  
And when it's finally time, to say goodbye  
And when it's finally time, to say goodbye  
There's nothing to prove, nothing to lose  
Nothing to hide."

She continued to strum the rest of the song and then she stopped. She looked up at me and waited for what I was going to say.

"Wow, that was amazing," I said with a huge smile. I knew she could sing but I didn't know she was that good. When I heard her it was just a couple lines. She didn't know I was watching her. Singing wasn't something she was comfortable doing infront of other people. I had tried to get her to be in her schools talent show. She said no and that she couldn't do that. She has stage fright. Peopl never got how she had stage fright because they see me and see how much I like being the center of attention.

"Thank you, I just wrote what I felt. I really did learn a lot from you James. You taught me everything I needed to know about life. Thank you for that James," she said as she leaned forward and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. I loved her so much. I didn't know what I would do without my sister. I pulled back a little and kissed her on the cheek then released her completely. She sat back up.

"You know, I bet we could get Gustavo to help you if you wanted to record some of your songs." I told her and her eyes got wide.

"I don't know," she said and I chuckled.

"It'll be fine. It's not like you'll be infront of a bunch of people. Just imagine you're in the recording booth alone." I told her and she stared at me for a moment.

"Okay, but I don't want a recording contract or anything. I'm making that clear now and I'll make it clear to Gustavo." She said and I laughed.

"Got it," I said.

**Kendall's POV:**

I wasn't entirely sure what had happened between James and Logan but I couldn't find Logan anywhere. I was outside of the hospital now. I walked around the side and down an alley on one side of the hospital. There Logan was. He was sitting on the ground with his back against the hospital wall. I walked over and sat down on the ground beside him.

"I don't want to talk Kendall," Logan said, looking at me.

"Too bad," I said with a smile. "What happened?" I asked and he took a deep breath then let it out.

"I got upset about not doing something about James and Alli's parents. We could have stopped this before it got this far. We're his best friends. We're supposed to protect him." Logan said in an upset tone. I knew he was right.

"You're right Logan, but honestly it probably was best we didn't do anything. We could have made it worse. I feel bad about not doing anything also but they're safe now. Their parents are in prison." I told him and he nodded and then looked at me with his eyebrows pulled together.

"Since their parents are in prison, what happens to James and Alli? Are they going to a foster home?" Logan asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, they are going to a foster home but-" I was cut off by Logan.

"What? We can't let them go to a foster home! Like James told me, they could be just like his parents were!" Logan said, voice raising in volume.

"Logan, calm down. It's our home. My mom and dad were registered foster parents. Remember, they fostered that little girl whose dad was in prison then they figured out he was innocent so he got his daughter back?" I asked and Logan nodded.

"I guess I was so upset I didn't think about that." Logan said and I nodded.

"It's understandable. That was when we were eight and she was five. Mom said that there's a possiblity that she could end up permantly adopting them because they said more than likely there wasn't a way for their parents to get them back. After what they did to them, they have no right to have those two. Mom wants too, but it's going to take awhile and also it depends on what the court says. My mom's going to start getting everything together so she can adopt them." I said and then laughed a little.

"I guess he soon really will be my brother and Alli's really going to my sister. I love them like my brother and sister already. My mom loves them like her own kids, so everything works out." I said and Logan smiled and nodded. I seen him flexing his hand and it was starting to bruise.

"James is really worried about you. He wanted you to have your hand checked out and I agree, that doesn't look too good. Come on, let's go get your hand checked out." I said, standing up and reaching my hand out to him. He took it with the hand that wasn't hurt and I pulled him up. We walked into the hospital and got a nurse. She took Logan to do an X-ray on his hand. I decided to go back to James' room while Logan got taken care of.

I walked into the room and James and Alli were laughing. It was nice to see them laughing. I walked in and sat down on one of the chairs next to James' bed.

"How's Logan?" James asked.

"He's okay, they're checking him out right now." I told him and he nodded.

"That's good, I know his hand is broke." James said and I nodded. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, what is it?" I asked him.

"Have they said anything about where we're going when I get out of here?" James asked.

"Yeah, back to the apartment," I told him and he looked at me odd.

"You know we're more than likely not going back to the apartment since our parents are in prison." James said and I smiled.

"My parents were registered foster parents and mom is taking you two in as her foster kids. Then later mom possibly could adopt you two as her own." I said and they both smiled at each other and then at me.

"We're going to stay with you permantly?" Alli asked with a huge smile.

"Yeah, mom's getting everything together to adopt you two." I said and I could tell they both were happy. I was glad they were happy. I felt that they needed the good news. Mom walked in at the moment and smiled at us.

"Where's Logan?" Mom asked and I looked at James.

"Logan and I got into an arguement and he punched the wall. We're pretty sure he broke it." James explained and mom had a surprised look on her face.

"I'm going to go make sure he's okay," mom said and we nodded. She walked out and we just kind of made small talk. I was happy to see that James was happy. He had been smiling a lot but I knew he had been worried about the foster home thing. They're family doesn't care about them enough to take them in. Their grandparents might have but they lived in North Carolina and hadn't talked to or seen either of them since Alli's thirteenth birthday. So it's been three years since they've seen them. Mrs. Knight walked back in and sat down.

"How's Logan?" James asked.

"His hand's broken in two places. He'll be back in here in a minute. I'm going to take Katie home. It's getting late and visiting hours are over here soon anyway." Mom explained and we all nodded. Logan came in shortly after she left and informed us that Carlos went ahead and went home with mom and Katie. We sat there for awhile before a nurse came in.

"Visiting hours are over." She said in a sweet voice.

"Okay," I said. we said our goodbyes and then headed out. We got in the car and I took the driver's seat. After Alli, Logan and I got our seatbelts on I started the car and pulled out. The ride back to The Palm Woods was pretty quiet. When we got there Logan went to his room which I shared with him and Carlos. I walked over and sat on the couch. Alli had gone to her room and returned a little while later.

"Hey Kendall, can I borrow your phone. Mine's is dead and I wanted to call my friend." She said and I nodded and handed her my phone. She walked back into the bedroom and I went back to watching TV. I wasn't paying much attention to the show I was watching. I was thinking about what was going to happen when James got out of the hospital. Would everything go back to normal? Or would he be jumpy and scared? I wanted things to go back to how they were. I'm not sure I could handle him being jumpy around all of us when he should know we're not going to hurt him.

A few minutes had passed and Alli came back in with her hands behind her back and a nervous look on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked and she started chewing on her bottom lip and came to stand infront of me.

"Kendall, I dropped you phone in the sink when the water was on and the screen went black and it won't come on." She said.

"WHAT?" I yelled as I jumped up from the couch. She instantly put her arms up over her face and had her eyes squeezed shut. I instantly calmed down.

"Alli, did. . . . Did you think I was going to hit you?" I asked and she lowered her arms. There were tears in her eyes and I felt horrible.

"Yeah," she said and then sniffled. I reached out and pulled her into a tight hug.

"I would never, ever hit you Alli. You know that right?" I asked and I started rubbing her back. I heard her sniffle again and she nodded against me chest. "I'm serious," I said pulling back but keeping my hands on her shoulders. "I would never hurt you like that." She had tears streaming down her face and she moved forward and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry Kendall," she said.

"For what?" I asked, confused why she was apologizing.

"For thinking you were going to hit me," she said softly.

"Hey, that's not your fault. You have been hit too many times and of course if I yell at you you'll be afraid of getting hurt. But I promise you that none of us will ever hurt you like they did." I explained and she nodded against me. I wanted her to feel safe here. She needed to understand that she _was_ safe. She had nothing to worry about ever again.

**Hope you liked it! Read and Review please!**


	14. Coming Home And Memories

**Here's the fourteenth chapter. I thought this chapter was important because it gets into what James feels and you get a look at what happened back in Minnesota. **

**Disclaimer: Big Time Rush is not mine and neither is anything you may recognize in this story. **

**James' POV:**

I was so happy I was going to go home today. It had been three days since Loga broke his hand but everything was okay. He was going back to being himself again. I guess he just needed to get it out of his system. Kendall and Alli were packing up my things and I was getting my shoes on. It was a bit painful since I had fractured ribs, just like Alli. Mine's were a little worse than her's though.

"Need some help?" Alli asked once she seen me wince again. I smiled at her.

"Is you don't mind," I said and she smiled and walked over. "My ribs still hurt a lot."

"Mine too, but they're okay. It's not a real bad hurt." She said as she put one shoe on my foot and tied the laces and then did the other.

"Thank you," I said and she smiled.

"You're welcome," she said as she stood up straight. I stood up and winced again. My entire mid section still hurt but I refused to stay in this hospital one more night.

"Do you want me to go get a wheelchair?" Kendall asked.

"No," I said.

"Yes," Alli said and I looked at her.

"Alli, I'm fine," I said.

"You can barely stand without it hurting. I doubt you can walk. Kendall go get the wheelchair." She said, I sighed and gave up. I decided there was no point in arguing because she would get her way anyway. Kendall walked out and I sat back down on the bed.

"I'm happy you're coming home today," Alli said with a smile. I smiled also.

"I am too," I said. We sat in a comfortable silence until Kendall came back with the wheelchair. He helped me get sat down, even though I told him I had it. I sat down and Alli grabbed my bags and Kendall began to push me out of my room. We finally got down to the lobby of the hospital and Mrs. Knight was finishing up with the discharge papers. Since she's my guardian/foster parent she had to sign the release papers, of course.

"Ready to go sweetie?" She asked as she gave me a smile. I nodded.

"Yeah, I am," she smiled and Kendall pushed me out to the car. He helped me into the front seat and then took the wheelchair back in. When he came back, he got in the backseat with Alli and Mrs. Knight was driving. We made our way out of the hospital parking-lot and to The Palm Woods. I was just staring out the window and thinking about my parents. Sure they made my life a living nightmare and I needed to get away from them. But I kind of was upset about everything.

I would have to get used to going to the Knight's home instead of my childhood home back in Minnesota. The house that belonged to my parents was where my first everything happened, but it's also where all the pain happened. I had good and bad memories because of that house. I had the memories of my past birthdays, the memories of playing with Kendall, Logan and Carlos as kids in the backyard and memories of seeing my baby sister grow up.

Then there were the memories of being hit by my dad, I had been locked in a closet a few times and outside once. The night I was locked outside I went to Kendall's and asked if I could spend the night. Mrs. Knight was okay with it of course. I had made my dad mad and he shoved me out the door and slammed it then locked it. I remember sitting on the porch crying until I realized they weren't opening the door so I went to the Knight's house. I was ten when that happened.

And the first time I was locked in a closet I was five. I had a huge fear of being in small dark places because of that. I still don't like the dark. I have a nightlight on my side of the room. The guys never questioned or teased me about it since they knew I had a bad fear of the dark. I had told them it was a bad experience as a kid and they never said anything. They asked about it and I just said I didn't want to talk about it. They dropped it after that.

The first time I was locked in the closet was because I had, once again, made my dad mad. He had beat me and shoved me into the closet. When he did, I fell to the floor and hurt my wrist. I had slept in the closet that night. Well, I slept for maybe twenty minutes and then woke up because of a nightmare. After my nightmare, I woke up in a small, dark room and I almost had a panic attack. I was breathing heavily when I woke up. I remember sobbing until I made myself sick. Luckily there was an old plastic bag in there and I threw up in it. I started to get scared and upset thinking about it.

"James?" I heard, breaking me from my thoughts. It was Kendall

"What?" I asked.

"We're home," that was when I realized he was standing there with my door opened. Everyone else was out of the car and waiting for me. I unbuckled my seatbelt and Kendall helped me out. He put one arm aorund my waist and I had my arm around his shoulder as he helped me into The Palm Woods. We got in and got on the elevator and Mrs. Knight hit the number to our floor. Kendall let me lean against the wall on the elevator. When we got to our floor, Alli stood leaning back against the elevator door to keep it open. Kendall put his arm back around my waist and I put my arm around his shoulders again and he helped me off the elevator. We got to the to the door of the apartment and Mrs. Knight held it open for us.

Kendall helped me over to the couch and I sat down. Alli sat beside me.

"What happened in the car?" Kendall asked and I shook my head.

"I got lost in thought and wasn't paying attention. It's nothing to worry about," I said, forcing a smile. He nodded also and I was sure he didn't believe me but I was happy he just let it go. Kendall sat down beside Alli and he turned the TV on. He put on spongebob and I looked around Alli and smiled at him.

"Spongebob?" I asked and he nodded his head towards Alli.

"She doesn't like hockey and we've been watching spongebob everytime it's on. I personally like it," Kendall said. I laughed a little.

"I like it also," I said as I leaned back on the couch. The other two came in and sat down also. We just watched the few episodes of Spongebob that was on and then I decided I wanted to go lay down for awhile. I have laid in a bed all week but I was in pain and the medicine made me tired.

"Kendall, can you help me upstairs?" I asked and he nodded. He stood up and I did also. He helped me down the hall to the stairway and then we slowly made our way up the stairs. We finally got there and I sat on the edge of the bed. I used my feet to kick my shoes off so I didn't have to bend over and do it. I undid the button and zipper on my jeans and took them off. I didn't care that Kendall was here because he's a guy. I didn't see the point in being embarrassed to take my pants off infrnt of someone who has seen me do it before. He's seen me naked before in the locker room, so this was fine. He walked over to mine and Alli's shared dresser and opened one of my drawers and pulled out my pj pants and a muscle shirt.

He walked back over and handed them to me. I thanked him and then pulled my pants on and took my t-shirt off and put on my muscle shirt. I laid back on the bed and covered up.

"Need anything else?" Kendall asked and I shook my head no. "Okay, I'll be downstairs if you do." He said and then he walked out the door. I just laid there and let my mind wander. I was still thinking about when I was locked in the closet. Once when I was seven and Alli was five almost six we both were locked in the closet. That was the first and last time it happened to her. They wanted to have their drinking buddy's over and didn't want us in the way. I had told them we had nowhere to go and they got mad. Dad had hit me a few times and then when Alli told him to stop, he smacked her. We both were thrown into the closet. I remember holding her all night as she cried.

It was one of my most hated memories. She was so scared and upset. We both were so young at that time. Neither of us understood why our parents did it to us. I had always thought it was my fault. If something happened I was hit. I was yelled at. I had put together that it was my fault this stuff happened to me. That was why I tried to be as good as possible. I tried to be the perfect child.

People had always seen me as someone who tried too hard to be perfect. I was exactly what they thought. I tried too hard to be perfect. I still do. I tried hard everyday to be perfect no matter what happened. It was hard because I'm only human. I'm going to make mistakes. I was always hard on myself when I messed up. I hated I was like that. I hated I couldn't be easy on myself when I messed up. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I couldn't let little things go. I still can't. I have to be pure perfection. No less than perfect was good enough. It had to be perfect. It has to be perfect.

I remember everything from start to one week ago. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted someway to just get away from it all. I couldn't help but think about cutting but I'm not starting that again. I hadn't cut in over three months now. I didn't want to start it again. I needed to keep from doing it. I feared that if I started cutting again I would have my. . . . Thoughts again. Thoughts of suicide. I had plenty of times when I wanted to kill myself. I sometimes wonder if that was what made me go too far that one night. Had I been trying to kill myself? I know I should know if I was but when I cut I never had complete control over my thoughts. I never knew how I felt or what I thought at that point.

I was just so done with all of this. I shouldn't feel like this because it's over. Everything okay now. I'm okay and Alli's okay. We're no longer going to get hurt everytime we walk through the door. We didn't have to be afraid of seeing our parents. We don't have to see them anymore. They're in prison. If I don't have to worry then why am I? Why can't I just see that we're safe? Why can't I get over this feeling of uneasiness? I needed something to help me. Maybe I needed mental help. Maybe I should talk to Mrs. Knight about getting a shrink or going to one of those teen counselling centers I see around here. The closest one was at the church not far from The Palm Woods.

I guess I should probably get some professional help before this gets out of hand. I need someway to deal with this without cutting or hurting myself. I decided I would rest and tell her later.

**Hope you enjoyed. Read and Review please!**


	15. It's Not Over Yet

**The idea for the well was given to me by mandamichelle. Thank you for the idea and support while writing mandamichelle! And thank you to everyone else who has been reading this story and who has been reviewing on it. I really appreciate it. **

**Discliamer: Do I really have to do this? Do you honestly believe I own BTR? Didn't think so.**

**James' POV:**

It had been two weeks since I got home from the hospital and I had started going to the teen counselling center at the church down the road here. It was something the church had for troubled teens. It was one-on-one sessions. It wasn't a group thing. I liked my counseller. His name is Jacob and he doesn't push me to tell him stuff. He let's me decided what I say and what I don't say. I was starting to make real progress, or at least that's what Jacob says. Everyone was happy I was learning to deal with everything.

I had told him about my cutting and he gave me a girl's hair band and told me to keep it around my wrist. He said if I have thoughts of cutting to snap it against my wrist. It gives you enough satisfaction to not cut and you're not seriously hurting yourself **(1)**. It was nice to have someone who I could talk to and not worry about hurting them. Jacob made things a lot easier.

I was currently walking home from my session with Jacob. It was a walking distance, so I just decided I would walk back and forth. Jacob said he thought that was a good idea because it gave me time to think of what I wanted to say and it gave me time to reflect on what we talked about without interruptions. It was starting to sprinkle and I was still a block and a half from The Palm Woods. I pulled my hood up over my head and put my hands in my kangaroo pouch pocket on the front of my hoodie. I didn't walk any faster. I wasn't in any hurry to get home. I had a long talk to Jacob about my past.

He was the first person I told about being locked in the closet and being locked out of the house and going to sleep at Kendall's after realizing my parents weren't going to let me in the house. He was one of the very, very few people who had seen me cry. He hadn't said anything about it, he just offered me a tissue and let me talk. I liked that because I didn't have to worry about being thought of as weak because I was crying. I didn't like crying. I'm guy, we're not supposed to cry. At least, that's what I've always been told. I don't see anything wrong with crying. I always feel better after I do.

I heard someone walking behind me and I glanced back. They had they're hood up on the hoodie. I just looked back infront of me. I wasn't too concerned with having someone behind me. The rain got a little harder so I started walking faster. I heard the footsteps pick up also. I looked over my shoulder and noticed the person had their head down to the ground so I couldn't see their face. They were walking up to me. I was getting really nervous. Right when I got close to an alley, the person behind me ran towards me. I tried to run but as soon as I got my feet to go, he had ahold of me.

He put his hand over my mouth and dragged me towards the alley. I was still trying to scream and I was fighting him but he was a lot stronger than I was. I looked up and seen an old, grey van in the alley. He was pushing me towards it. It was an understatement to say I was scared. He pushed me to the van and the back opened. And who did I see? My mom.

I was terrified. They had escaped from prison and they had me. The only thing going through my head was that they were going to kill me. I knew they would. I wasn't getting out of this. I ws going to be dead. Alli and them were going to find me dead in some ditch somewhere. I knew they were. The man, who I guessed was my dad, pushed me into the van. He had my arms pinned behind my back with one hand and his other hand was over my mouth. I couldn't fight him.

He got me in the van and then the door was shut. I tried to go for the door but was grabbed and slammed back against the van wall. I was right. It was my dad. He hit me in the face and I knew it busted my lip. I had just recovered from the beating he gave me in the hotel room now he was going to give me something else to recover from. That is, if I get out of this alive. I wasn't sure where they were taking me but mom was driving the van now. Dad just continued to hit me everywhere he could. He was screaming at me. I wasn't following what he was saying. All I knew was that he was cursing me and telling me I had this coming for putting him in prison and asking me if I really thought it was going to be that easy to get rid of him. He was saying other things but I wasn't following.

_I'm going to die. God, please don't let me die._ Was all that I was thinking. I was silently begging God not to let me die. To just let something happen and this just stops. Dad was hitting me in the stomach repeatedly. I started gasping for breath and coughing. I knew I coughed up blood but dad didn't seem to care. He was just hitting me. He was getting his sick pleasure from hitting me. I was sarting to get really tired. I didn't want to pass out though and I was still fighting it.

**Alli's POV:**

I was sitting on the couch and playing a video game with Carlos.

"OH! TAKE THAT!" I yelled as I killed Carlos' guy. We were playing Mortal Combat.

"NO FAIR!" Carlos yelled back. Kendall chuckled from where he was sitting on the other side of me on the couch. The phoen began to ring and Mrs. Knight came in and answered it.

"Oh, okay, thank you for calling." She said and I paused the game and looked over at her. The other two did the same.

"Alli, you're parents broke out of prison somehow." She said and I could feel all the color draining out of my face. I was so scared. Then my eyes got wide. _James!_

"James isn't home yet! We have to find him! He walks home alone!" I said as I began to breathe weird.

"Alli, you need to calm down," Kendall said and I nodded and tried to regulate my breathing. Logan came over to the couch and handed me my my inhaler **(2)**. I finally calmed down enough to breathe normally. I hated having asthma. I looked at Mrs. Knight.

"We have to find him!" I said and she nodded.

"Come with me and we'll go to the counselling center." She said and we all made our way for the door. We got on the elevator and then out to the car. Mrs. Knight was in the driver's seat, I was in the passenger seat and Kendall, Logan and Carlos were in the back seat. We made our way to the counselling center and finally got there. As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out and made my way to the door. I heard Logan yell to me to hag on. I got in and went up to the front desk.

"I'm looking for Jacob Martin?" I said and the woman nodded.

"Do you have an apointment?" She asked in a sweet voice.

"Um, no, my brother James Diamond is supposed to be here." I said and she looked through the computer. The others walked up to me at that point and were standing behind me.

"I'm sorry, he left twenty minutes ago. Is everything-" she didn't get to finish because the door to one of the counselling rooms opened.

"Did you say that you're James Diamond's sister?" The man asked. He had short black hair, was probably in his late twenties, had dark tan skin and light brown eyes.

"Yeah," I said and he smiled.

"I'm Jacob, is James okay?" He asked and I didn't know what to say.

"We got a call and our parents have escaped from prison and James wasn't home and he's not here." I said and he just stared at me.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I don't think so," I said and he seemed disappointed by this.

"Alli, a lot of the time an attacker will go to the same place or do the same thing twice. Once they get something they like, that's what they do. Is there any specific thing your parents did to James a lot as a kid?" Jacob asked and I thought. I went through all the things they did to us.

"They, locked him out of the house but that was just once and they wouldn't do that now. They locked him the closet but unless they are taking him somewhere like a hotel or something, they can't do that. I can't think of anything else." I said he thought for a moment.

"Did they ever do something that they threatened to do again?" Jacob asked. I went back to thinking. I really had to think. James life could be depending on what I could recall.

"They shoved him down a well and had threatened to do it before. Do they know of any wells around here?" I asked more to myself than to everyone else.

"There's the well in Palm Woods park." Carlos said and we all nodded.

"Go check that well and find out if there are any more around here. I'll call the police." Jacob said and we nodded. We made our way out to the car and got in. We made our way back to The Palm Woods. Once we got there I jumped out of the car and Kendall followed. the others weren't that far behind us. We got to the well and looked down and he wasn't there. I felt tears in my eyes. We had to find him.

**James' POV:**

I hadn't passed out even with the beating my dad just gave me. I was in so much pain. I kind of wished I had passed out. I could barely move and I was just lying there on floor of the van. Dad was sitting next to me and mom was still driving. Then all of a sudden, the van stopped and mom got out. Dad opened the door and yanked me out. I looked around and we were a park that was ten miles north of The Palm Woods. I seen that no one was around. That was a little scary to me. Dad was pushing me towards a pond.

_They're going to drown me! _I thought. That's one of the worst ways to go in my opinion. Especially if you're drowned by your parents. They didn't take me to the pond though, they kept walking._ Why aren't there people around?_ I asked myself. It was really starting to scare me because no one could save me now. I couldn't scream because dad had his hand tightly pressed over my mouth. I was terrified to say the least. I was too tired to fight him. My body ached everywhere and I was having trouble keeping my eyes open.

Then I saw it. I saw what they were taking me to. It was a well. That got my adrenaline flowing as they got closer to it. I started to fight my dad.

"I had told you that I wouldn't hesitate to put down a well again, didn't I." Dad said in an evil and twisted voice. I tried to fight him but he was too strong.

"Now I can get rid of you. You've been nothing but trouble all your life. After we get rid of you, we can get rid of Alli." Dad said and then he shoved me forward. Not pushing me in just yet but I was looking straight down the well. I felt tears rolling down my face.

"Now we can rid the world of such a disgrace as you," dad said and then he pushed me forward farther and I fell in. I was just frozen. I didn't know what do to as I fell. I wanted to scream but nothing came out. My mind was just as frozen as my body was. It was a shorter fall than I expected it to be. I let out an agonizing scream as I heard a loud snap and cracking sound and then pain explode throughout me. I looked down at my leg and it was twisted in a weird way. I was hissing through my teeth and I grabbed my leg. It hurt so bad. I wasn't sure what to do because no one would find me here.

I just sat there and cried as I held my leg. I was thinking about what I could do. I then remembered that I still had my phone. They hadn't taken it away from me. I painfully pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Alli's number.

"Alli, I'm at Forest Park north of The Palm Woods. I'm in the well. Please hurry," I said.

_"We're on our way,"_ she said and I closed the phone. I grabbed my leg again and let the tears flow. It was just because of the pain. It was because I realized I was never going to get away from my parents. As soon as I felt safe, they were going to show up. As soon I had was happy, they were going to show up. I was never going to have a good life. My life is always going to be screwed up. I was never going to be officially happy. I wanted one minute in my life when it was okay. I wanted things to just go right. I didn't want to have to worry all the time about everything.

I didn't want to have to be scared to be alone. I didn't want to be scared of the dark because of being locked in a closet as a kid. I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to be able to say everything's okay and mean it. I was tired of lying to every person that asked if I was okay. I was tired of feeling I had to hide the hurt from Alli, Kendall, Logan, Carlos and Mrs. Knight. I would say Katie but no matter how mature she is, she's still a young girl. I would never put my problems off on a child. I barely want my sixteen-year-old sister to know. She was still a kid in my eyes. I just wanted to tell them everything. I wanted to be brave enough to tell them what had been going on and why I felt I needed counselling. I wanted to tell them I was scared.

**(1) My friend told me that this was something to do when you have thoughts of cutting. He said that his friend had thoughts of cutting and his therapist told him to do this. **

**(2) I have a friend who has asthma and she can have an asthma attack if she panics. I'm not sure if it's a certain type of asthma or is that's just normal asthma. She's the other person I know who has it except for someone who had one asthma attack as a child and has't had to deal with it since.**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Read and Review please! **


	16. I'm Not Okay

**Alright, I'm going to get into writing more if possible so I'm not updating so late at night. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or anything else you may recognize in this story.**

**Alli's POV:**

We were trying to find Forrest Park. None of us had heard of it. We kind of wondered if he had seen the sign or if he had knew where it was. We tried calling James but he had his phone off. I wa starting to get really scared. What state would James be in when we found him? I know he hates small, dark places and it was starting to get dark out, so I know it was dark in the well.

"Please hurry," I told Kendall, who was driving now. Mrs. Knight stayed behind and got the police on their way out. We got close to a park and saw police officers.

"That has to be it," Logan said and then there was the sign. Forrest Park. We pulled in and Kendall parked, not caring how bad it was. We all got out and started towards the well but were stopped by a police officer. There were police officers everywhere, a few firemen and an ambulance. I had tears in my eyes.

"That's my brother in that well," I said and the officer gave me an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, we can't let you any closer. We can't get the boy out of the well. He's too afraid to let us near him. We think we may have to sadate him in order to get him out of the well. They're leaning more towards that right now. We can't get close to him because he freaks." The man said and I felt the tears pouring down my face. Kendall had his arms around me. We seen them pulling a fireman up and handing him something. I cried a little harder because James was really bad.

A little while had passed and they pulled an unconcious James from the well. They started to load him into the ambulance.

"We're his brother and sister," Kendall said and the ambulance stared at us for moment and then motioned for us to get in. "You guys call mom and then meet us at the hospital. I'll call and let you which one." Kendall said quickly to Carlos and Logan as we got into the back of the ambulance. They nodded and quickly made their way back to the car. Logan had his phone out before Kendall even said anything.

"Is he okay?" I asked and the paramedic looked up at me.

"As far as I can tell, he definitly has a broken leg and a black eye. His lip is busted pretty bad." The paramedic said. We finally got to the hospital and they took James inside. We had to stay out in the waiting room, of course. Kendall called Logan and then his mom and let them know what the paramedic said and what hospital we were at. I was still crying. James was just becoming happy. He was just starting to feel safe and now this happens and it's ruinned everything. James is going ot be in a bad state after this.

The nurse had told us that his right leg was broke in three places and he had some bad cuts and bruising but they weren't severe. I was happy to hear that nothing worse had happened to him while our parents had him. They were still searching for our parents. Gustavo ordered Freight Train to watch James and I. He was in the hallway outside of James' room right now. He was very good at his body guard job.

I was sitting in the chair next to the bed. I hated that James had just got out of the hospital and here he was, unconcious, lying on a hospital bed once again. They said the sadation would ware off here soon so he should be waking up soon. They don't us in the room when that happens, so I had two more minutes before I had to leave the room. They wanted to see how he was going to act when he woke up. They needed to find someway to calm him if he's frantic and freaked when he wakes up. They said they weren't going to keep him sadated because that wasn't solving anything. He was still going to be frantic and freaked when the sadation wore off.

They were going to have Jacob go in and talk to him. To show him that he's okay. Jacob had asked if he could do that. He feels he can get through to James like he had been doing in his office. They told him he could try if he wanted but they would need him to stay a little away from James as to not spook him or get hurt if James freaks. Jacob agreed to this and he was just waiting for them to say that James was up and that he could go in.

It had been about an hour and James still wasn't awake. We began to wonder if he was going to wake up soon like said or not. Finally the a male nurse came in and told us he was awake and didn't seem too freaked. He calmed down after her realized where he was but he's crying hysterically now. Jacob, wordlessy, got up and followed the nurse to James' room. The rest of us just sat there and waited for the news on what state James was in.

**James' POV:**

I woke up and felt something holding me down. I couldn't pull my wrist free and it scared me. I was pulling at the restraints and screaming for help when a black man with short, black hair and blue scrubs came rushing in. Then there was another man. He was white, had curly, brown hair, was about my height and was a littl heavier, he also was wearing blue scrubs.

I calmed donw a little. My breathing was still rapid but I stopped screaming and struggling. Seeing these two men made no sense. I was supposed to be in the well or dead right now. I remember strangers trying to grab me in the well. They were gripping onto me and trying to pull me up. I didn't understand what they were doing but I didn't want to go with them. They were going to hurt me or kill me. I wasn't going with them. Then I remember being held down and a stinging feeling in my arm and then after a few seconds everything went black.

Now everything was bright and white and these two men were talking but I couldn't hear them. They sounded as if they were far away from me, when really they were standing right beside me. The black man was asking me something but I couldn't make out what it was. The other and checking something on the other side of me.

"Can you hear me?" I heard the black man say even though it sounded like he was far away.

"Y-yeah," I said and he nodded. My hearing became better and I could hear what they were saying. It was still a little fuzzy but it was good.

"He's coming through nicely." The white man said.

"I don't think we need to worry. I think he'll be okay. He has not freaked out yet." The black man said.

"Wh-where am I-I?" I asked and the black man looked down at me.

"You're in the hospital," he said. That was when I noticed I was crying. I wasn't sure how long I had been crying but the tears were flowign quite fast. After a few more minutes the two left. After a few minutes of me crying hysterically the restraint was removed from my left wrist. I turned my head and seen Jacob standing there. He smiled and moved to the other side and did the other one. I just stared at him. He pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down and stared back with a nice smile on his face. I just stared at him.

"James? Are you okay?" He finally asked and I thought about it for a moment. Am I okay?

"I-I don't k-know what h-hapened." I said and he nodded in understanding. I was still crying but it wasn't as bad as it had been.

"That's okay, you don't need to remember it. How are you feeling? What are thinking right now?" He asked and I had to think about it. I felt. . . Bad. I was exhausted and there was slight pain. My mind was scambled. It was trying to remember things it wanted to. I was still crying which meant I was upset. I felt. . . . upset? I guess.

"I feel confused. I feel slight pain. . . . . Where's Alli?" I asked the last part quietly.

"She's in the waiting room. She's safe James and so are you." He said and I just stared at him again. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks and I let out a soft sob.

"You d-don't u-understand. I'm n-never going t-to be okay. T-they'll always come f-for me. They'll n-never leave m a-alone ever a-again. I c-can't get a-away from th-them." I said as I began to sob.

"James, I know you're scared. I know you feel that because of this you'll never be okay or safe, but I can promise you that you will be. Things are going to get better. You have a waiting room full of people who love you." Jacob explained. "It's going to take some time but it's going to be okay. Thing's will go back to the way they are supposed to be." Jacob said and I nodded. I wanted to smile but my face wouldn't allow it. I started to tell Jacob what had happened when I left his office and was kidnapped by my parents.

**Kendall's POV:**

**(1)**

I was happy James was finally awake. We were told by the nurse that he was okay and calm now. They said he stopped crying and Jacob was talking to him and helping him calm down a lot more. They didn't think it was a good idea for us to go in just yet. They said we should just wait and let Jacob talk to him for awhile and let James get it all out. I agreed that was what was best for him.

Carlos and Alli were in the cafeteria. Mom had suggested they go and let Alli get her mind occupied. She was pretty worried about James and she was having a hard time dealing with the fact that we wouldn't let her go in and see him yet. The fact that he had been awake for an hour and a half and she couldn't see him was killing her.

"Mrs. Knight," a tall man in a suit said as he walked into the waiting room. He had short blonde hair, blue eyes, was pale, was a bit scruffy like he hadn't shaved in about a week or so and was slender. Mom stood up and walked over to him.

"Yes, can I help you?" She asked in a nice voice.

"I'm Derek Austin and I'm from child protection services." He said and we both were shocked. "We have decided that James and Alli are not safe in an area where they're parents know where they are. We are taking them as soon as James get's discharged. We think it would be safer if they were put in a foster home. We have a family in Montana willing to take them. They have everything ready for them." The man said.

"What? You can't take them. You don't understand what they've been through. It's not a good idea to take James and put him in a strangers home in a town he's never been in right now. They're both perfectly safe with us. Please, what do I have to do to keep this children? Please let them stay with me. I promise nothing will happen to either one." Mom said and the man just stared at her and then sighed.

"Ma'am, I don't have the authority to say you can keep them. You have to go through some paper work and a couple inspections." He said and mom nodded.

"What kind of inspections?" She asked.

"They'll send someone out to your home to inspect the house and home living. See if it's fit for kids to live there. Then they'll observe what kind of parent you are and see if you are fit to raise them. If you can fill out the paper work and get pass inspection, you can keep them. If you fail the inspections then they go to the Williamsons in Montana. Here's my company card. Call that number or go to the court house and tell them the situation and then they'll get everything together.**(2)**

"Thank you for your time ma'am. Son," he said as he nodded in my direction before leaving. I was praying that everything would go okay. I hoped James and Alli would be staying with us.

**(1) Thank you to mandy124 for the idea for this part. The whole thing of them trying to take James and Alli came from her and I appreciate the idea. Thank you very much! =)**

**(2) A friend of my aunts had to go through this when she wanted to take in her childhood friend's children. They didn't think she was fit to raise them so she had to go through paper work and inspections like these. It can be very stressful because you want to be perfect to keep the kids.**

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	17. How I Feel And Unpleasant Surprises

**Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I had schoolwork I HAD to get done and then from 2:30 to about 7 pm I was at my aunt's getting my hair done(She's a hair stylelist). I put blue through it and my mom was getting her hair done also so we were there for a little while. Then my hair dye didn't stick very well so we had to re-dye it with the blue and try to get it to stick and mom's hair color was an ash blonde(She's a natural light blonde) and it messed up. So it was an eventful day. Haha, then I just didn't really work on it because I got talking to friends and such. Okay, I'm done talking. **

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine, sadly. **

**James' POV:**

I was in the room alone now and just taking a few minutes to reflect on what I was told by Jacob. They were going to release me tomorrow morning and I was happy. They wanted to keep me for observation. They said I had a slight concussion and they wanted to keep an eye on it. Jacob had suggested I talk to one of the others about how I feel. I wanted to talk to them. But the problem was, which one do I talk to? Who can I trust the most? I was pretty sure I could trust them all. I guess the real question was, which on could handle it?

After thinking about it for awhile, I was between Logan and Kendall when I decided it would be Logan. Logan had told me how he felt, so I thought he deserved to see how I felt. I was waiting for Alli to come in. Jacob said he knew she would definitly be the first one in here because she was worried and it was driving her nuts that she couldn't be in here.

The door opened after about fifteen minutes after Jacob left. Alli poked her head in and I gave her a weak smile. She walked in with a smile on her face. She sat on the edge of the bed and stared at me.

"How are you feeling?" She asked softly.

"I'm in pain but it's not too bad." I explained and she nodded.

"They want to send us to Montana," she said barely audible. I looked at her with my eyes wide and my mouth hanging open.

"Who does?" I was scared to ask because the only people that came to mind were Mrs. Knight, Kendall and Katie. Did they want to send us away?

"Child Protection Services. Kendall told me and he told me that Mrs. Knight is going to go through paper work and inspections so she can keep us. She doesn't want to send us away." She said and I couldn't help but sigh in relief. I was happy that Mrs. Knight wasn't sending us away. If she sent us away, I wouldn't know what to do. Alli and I sat there and talked for a little while longer and then I told her that I would like to talk to Logan in private. Just the two of us. She understood and left to get him. I waited there for Logan to come. It was only moments later that Logan walked through the door with a small smile on his face. I could tell it was forced.

"Alli said you wanted to talk about something?" He said and I nodded and motioned for him to come and sit. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at me. I sat there and was quiet, trying to figure out where to start.

"Would you be okay with me telling you how everything has made me feel?" I decided I would ask instead of just telling him. I didn't want to upset him or something.

"Of course that would be okay." He said and I nodded and thought about it again.

"I guess the way to put it is that I never felt good enough. I never was good enough for my parents. I may not seem to be the brightest but I got straight A's. That wasn't something I wanted to tell everyone. I lied a lot about my grades to you guys. I worked as hard as I could to get the best grades. I felt that I could make them proud. I remember getting straight A's on my report card and taking it home to show mom and dad and they just didn't care.

"Once when I got 100% on a test, I tried to show them but dad was mad and I got hit. I felt I couldn't do anything right. I wasn't ever going to be good enough for them. They're still my parents, that need to please them was and still is there. I can't help it, it's a kid thing. We need to please our parents or we feel like we're nothing. We're not good enough for anyone if we can't please our own parents. I always believed people lied to me when they said I did a good job or that I was amazing at something because my parents didn't think so.

"I still feel like I can't be loved by anyone because I can't be loved by my parents. I never felt loved and I didn't want it and yet I did want it. Everyone has the need to be loved, but I didn't want to be loved because I always believed that no one could actually love me. They lied when they said they loved me. I didn't want to be loved by them because I didn't want to be hurt when they got what they wanted from me and then shoved me to the side." I said and the tears were flowing again. I wiped my eyes and sniffled. He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. I smiled at him and took a deep breath.

"I used to think that you guys only hung out with me because I was always popular with the girls." I said and he just stared at me.

"James, we never thought like that. We like you for who you are not who you hung out with. And besides, sure girls love you but having us around, the girls also hate you most of the time. We messed with the girls all the time and you were always apart of it. Like the time we soaked the girls feild hockey team." He said, I couldn't help but smile at the memory. That was right before we went to the audition with Gustavo.

"I know you guys are here for me. This may sound cheesy but my heart tells me that you guys won't hurt me like that but my head tells me I can't trust anyone. I want to listen to my heart but my head screams louder." I said and he nodded in understanding.

"I know what you mean. Remember when my parents got divorced and it was like I just disappeared to them? I felt like that. In my heart I knew they loved me and that they didn't mean to ignore me but they were going through a hard time and were trying to work it out. My head was screaming at me and telling me they didn't care and that I needed to give up on getting attention from them again. They were too far gone for me to get back. I knew my heart was right and it was. You're hearts right James, not your head." Logan said and I nodded my head.

Logan parents had gotten divorced a year before we came to Los Angeles and that was a hard time for Logan. I didn't want him to feel alone because of his parents. That was something hard for me to watch. He stayed strong for as long as he could and then one night when we spent the night at Kendall's house, Logan just broke down and began crying and told us how he felt. We didn't judge him for crying. We just let him cry and tried our best to comfort him.

I was happy I had him to talk to. Even though they were two different situations, he felt pretty much the same way I did. He had felt abadoned, alone, unloved, scared and confused.

"The feeling of being abandoned, alone, unloved, scared and confused is something I wouldn't even wish upon my worst enemy. No one deserve to feel like this. Even after everything my parents put me through, I would never want them to feel like this. Most people would want the ones who hurt them to feel what they felt, but I don't. Why is that?" I asked. I really wanted to know. I didn't want to hurt my parents like they hurt me because I know what it feels like. It's not nice. It's horrible.

"It's because you're a nice person. You don't want to hurt anyone. Even though they hurt you, you know it's not right to hurt them. You know you shouldn't wish bad upon your enemies. Remember what Pastor Ted always told us growing up?" Logan asked and I nodded. Pastor Ted lived on the same road we lived on. He was a good friend to everyone. Especially Mrs. Knight. After Mr. Knight died, Ted stepped in and helped Mrs. Knight with anything he possibly could.

He helped Kendall and Katie cope with the death of their father. We used to go to the small church he taught at. Logan and his parents and Carlos and his parents. I always went with Mrs. Knight, Kendall and Katie. Mrs. Knight had asked me why my parents never attended and I felt ashamed telling her they didn't believe in God. They didn't even want me to go to church. That was why on the sundays I hadn't spent the night at Kendall's the night before, I never went to church. From the time Kendall invited me to go when we were seven to when I was fourteen my parents never knew.

After I had told Mrs. Knight that my parents didn't want me to go and the only way I could go was if I spent the night at their house so they didn't know where I was going, she had me spend the night every saturday. I was happy because I actually enjoyed church.

"Yeah, he told us to love your enemies because it will lay burning coals upon their heads."**(1)** He smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, you listened very well to him on that. You love them even though they are pretty much your worst enemies." Logan said and I nodded.

**Alli's POV:**

**(2)**

It was the next morning and James was coming home today. I was happy because I didn't like that he was in hospital again and I know he didn't like it either. I was just walking back to the waiting room. I was about to turn the corner when I heard Mrs. Knight's voice.

". . . Please, you can't do this." She said and she sounded pretty upset.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but it's the law. You don't have legal authorization to have them in your home right now. Until everything gets settled and it's seen that you are fit to have them, they'll have to put in the home of the Williansons. It will only be until you pass the inspections and the paper work is finished. If you are fit to be their legal guardian then it will only be a week or two that they are in Montana." A man said. They were sending James and I to Montana! I couldn't believe it. We weren't supposed to be with anyone but the Knights.

I didn't want to go to Montana. I didn't wan to leave my safe zone. That's what apartment 2J has become. I have never felt more safe than I feel in that apartment. Having Kendall, Logan, Carlos and Mrs. Knight there to protect me has made me feel more safe than I thought possible. Oh no! James was going to freak. He just went through a lot and is still going through most of it. Sending him to live with strangers is going to make it worse. They weren't helping, they were making things worse. That's all they were going to do.

"Is there any other way to do it? Can I get something saying they can live with me until I legally adopt them? Is there a foster home here in Los Angeles close by that will take them so we can still see them and be there for them? Please don't put those children through such a drastic change like this. It's not going to help." Mrs. Knight said. At least she understood it wouldn't help us.

"I'm sorry, but there is nothing more I can do. The Williamsons have already signed to be their foster parents. They have no choice but to go to Montana. I'm sure they will be okay. It's like a vacation from everything. It's going to be short and if you get custody of them, then they'll be back in your apartment in a week or two." The man said and Mrs. Knight was quiet.

"Good day ma'am," the man said. There were echoing footsteps as the man walked away. I walked around the corner and had tears streaming down my face. Mrs. Knight looked up at me. She had tears rolling down her cheeks silently.

"Oh, Alli," she said and quickly pulled me into a hug. I just cried on her shoulder. She held me tight and rubbed my back. I couldn't hold back the sobs. I was so upset and scared. I had heard more bad about foster homes than good. I had heard that they were a lot like my parents. I couldn't go through that again. I just couldn't.

**(1)** **For anyone who didn't understand this, it means you will make them feel bad. It doesn't always make them feel bad right now. Your love could take years to make them feel bad but eventually they will. They will look back and see how nice you were to them and how horrible they were to you. I'm not sure where in the Bible this verse is but it's in there somewhere. It's one of my friend, Preston's favorite verses.**

**(2) Thank you to mandamichelle for this idea! It's very much appreciated!**

**If you could, would you check out my story The Perfect Life? I know people are reading it, but I would like at least one review on how I am doing with it. I have NO reviews at all on it. **

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Read and Review please!**


	18. Telling James

**Well, here's another chapter. **

**Disclaimer: BTR obviously isn't mine because I'm on here writing about them! Did you seriously think I owned them?**

**Alli's POV:**

I pullled away from Mrs. Knight and wiped my eyes. She wiped her's also.

"We have to tell James," I said and she nodded.

"Do you want me to do it?" She asked and I nodded.

"I don't know the full story. It's best if you tell him." I said and she nodded and we walked back to James' room. We walked in and he looked up. He had a smile on hsi face that fell when he seen me. He had been talking to Carlos and was laughing about something Carlos had said. I hated that we had to crush his happy mood. He was going to be so upset after Mrs. Knight told him.

"Alli, what's wrong?" He asked and I knew he could tell I had been crying. It wasn't that hard to see.

"Carlos, can you give us a minute sweetie?" Mrs. Knight said and he nodded and walked out. Mrs. Knight and I sat down in the chairs next to James' bed.

"What's going on?" James asked and I looked at Mrs. Knight.

"James, I have to tell you something and you won't like it. Just remember that this does _not_ change how I feel about you." Mrs. Knight began.

**James' POV:**

I was talking to Carlos about something he did at The Palm Woods pool yesterday. I was laughing as he told me and then Alli and Mrs. Knight walked into the room. I could instantly tell they both had been crying. Especially Alli. My smile instantly fell when I noticed this.

"Alli, what's wrong?" I asked and she didn't say anything.

"Carlos, can you give us a minute sweetie?" Mrs. Knight said and Carlos nodded before leaving the room. Mrs. Knight and Alli walked over and sat down in the chairs.

"What's going on?" I asked and Alli looked at Mrs. Knight and waited for her to say something. I was starting to get worried.

"James, I have to tell you something and you won't like it. Just remember that this does _not_ change how I feel about you." Mrs. Knight said and I just stared at her.

"What do you mean? What's going on?" I asked, frantic to get an answer from one of them. They were starting to make me really nervous.

"James, sweetie, by law until I get the paper work done and the inspections are through, I'm not allowed to have you. You two are going to be staying with the Williamsons in Montana for awhile. It will only be for one week or so. They said it won't take long. It's going to be-" I cut her off.

"I'm not going to Montana! I can't go! Why are you sending us away? I thought you wanted us here? Isn't there anything you can do to keep us here until everything is settled? Why aren't you trying harder to keep us? You're just giving us up! You're not really fighting to keep us!" I yelled. I didn't mean to freak out but I couldn't help it. I was so upset. Was she really just giving us up this easily?

"James, please calm down. There's nothing I can do about it. I asked the man said that there wasn't anything I could do. You have to go. If I fight them, more than likely I won't be able to keep you at all and they'll take you away for good." She said, she was being really calm and patient with me.

"What would happen if we just refused to go and stay with you until everything is settled?" I asked and she looked at me sympathetically.

"I'm sorry James, but if I just keep you then I'll be arrested and you will all be taken away from me. I promise I'll make this go as quickly as possible. I promise you both will be back at The Palm Woods before it even felt like you were gone." She said and I wanted to be happy but it was hard. This wasn't something that was supposed to happen.

"What if they're like my parents? What if everything goes wrong? I can't go through it again Mrs. Knight. I just can't!" I said, my breathing was heavy and fast. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like something was pressign down on my chest and making it hard to breathe.

"James, you can still talk to us. If anything happens and they hurt you or make you feel threatened, tell one of us and we'll tell Child Protection Services." Mrs. Knight said. "Okay?" She asked, looking between Alli and me. We both nodded.

"I can't believe they won't let us stay with you. You've been my guardian this far. Why do they all of a sudden think you can't take care of us? You've been amazing to me and to Alli the last few months. You were always amazing to us. Why can't they see that?" I asked and then looked at Alli. I could tell we both were thinking the same thing. We had to show them how amazing she's been to us and then we'll be able to stay here.

"No," Mrs. Knight said and we both looked at her. "Whatever you two are planning the answer is no. Don't do anything to mess this up. Just go and I promise everything will be okay. Promise me you won't do anything," Mrs. Knight said and we both sighed and promised. I would do anything at this point to get out of going. I hated this so much. I just wanted to stay here. I wanted everything to be okay for once.

"Wait, what about our parents? Where are they? How are they going to catch them?" I asked and Mrs. Knight asked.

"They don't have them in custody yet but they are working on it. That was one of the reasons they wanted to send you two somewhere else. They didn't want you to be somewhere where your parents can find you. They thought it was in your best interest if you got away. Hopefully they'll catch your parents before you get back." Mrs. Knight said and Alli nodded. I just stared at her. I didn't really know what to think about it. That did seem to be the right thing. They were just trying to protect us. Mrs. Knight was trying her best to protect us but she can only do it so well.

That was why Gustavo had Freight Train watching us. Once we got there we were safe because our parents won't be able to find us. Once we got back I guess Freight Train would go back to watching us. I hated having him watch us constantly but I guess that was what he was hired to do. He was hired to protect us so he was doing his job and getting paid for it. He can't protect both of us all the time. We're not going to be in the same place at the same time 24/7. I would tell him to stay with Alli because more than likely I'll be with the guys so I'll be fine. My parents wouldn't try anything with other people around. Would they?

**Hope you liked it! Read and Review please!**


	19. Deer Lodge, Montana

**Alright, would have had this up earlier but my mom got called into work so I was doing chores and such for her. But it's up now.**

**Disclaimer: Some how over night BTR became mine and I have them locked in my closet. . . . NOT. They do not belong to me and neither does anything else you recognize.**

**James' POV:**

Alli and I were currently on a plane on our way to Deer Lodge, Montana. I had heard of this place but not enough to know what it's like. We had about twenty minutes before we landed so that was good. I may be on a plane a lot but I still hate to be on it. I was listening to my Ipod and staring out the window. Alli was sitting next to me and I wasn't sure if she was asleep or just had her eyes closed. She hadn't moved the last twenty minutes which is why I thought she may be asleep.

I was extremly nervous to say the least about going and staying with these people. I didn't know a_nything_ about them and that made me nervous. I wasn't ready for this big of a change. I just kept telling myself it was only one week. I could do this. There's nothing they can do to us in one week right? I was fine and so was Alli. I was praying that they were nice. If not to me than I hope they'll at least be nice to Alli. I've done as much as I could to protect her this far. I wasn't going to let her get hurt now.

I took years of abuse to make sure she never got hurt. When ever she was hurt, I couldn't help but feel it was my fault because I wasn't there to take the hits for her. I still felt guilty for everything that happened after I left for Los Angeles. I know that it wasn't my fault but I couldn't help but feel it was. I'm her brother. I'm supposed to be there, not just up and leave her with evil people like my parents. I should never had done that. I should have been there.

Our flight finally landed and as we were about to get off I took a deep breath. We walked off of the plane and into the building. **(1)**We got our bags and then walked out into the main part. We both stopped and looked around. I looked down at Alli.

"Any idea what these people look like?" I asked and she shook her head.

"I have no clue who we are looking for," she said and I sighed and continued looking around. Maybe they were holding a sign or something. Sure enough there was a tall man and an average height woman standing off to the side. The woman had a sign that said "James and Alli Diamond". I pointed in their direction and we started towards them. The woman appeared to be in her forties, she had dark brownish-red air that came to her shoulders and was slightly curly, she had dark brown eyes and tan skin. She was wearing a white button up shirt that had a western design on the shoulders and the shirt was faded a bit, she was wearing faded blue jeans and cowboy boots.

The man was tall, probably one foot taller than me, he appeared to be in his late forties or early fifties, he had hair that was grey and a mustache that was also grey, his tan was a lot tanner than the womans and his eyes were dark brown. He was wearing a dark greyish-blue colored button up shirt, dark blue jeans that had dirt on them, cowboy boots and a white cowboy hat that seemed to be older.

We walked up to them and the woman had a huge smile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Williamsons?" I asked and the woman nodded.

"Hi, we're so happy to have you staying here with us. I'm Mary and this is Roy," the woman said.

"You already know, but I'm James and this is Alli," I said and they smiled at us and Mary hugged both of us. Roy took our bags and lead us to the car. It was a Ford Lincoln and it was dark red. Roy put our bags in the back and Mary opened the back door for us and we climbed in. Roy got into the driver's seat and Mary was in the passenger seat. We made out way through a nice town. There was buildings lined up side-by-side on both sides of the road. Mary made small talk with us but Alli was the only one who was actually talking.

We started heading out of town and down a road that had nothing on either side. Roy then turned and started down a gravel road that had a beautiful house at the end. It was huge, medium colored wood, was two or three stories tall, there was a wrap around porch and two stair cases leading up to the porch. It was amazing.

"You live here?" I asked and Mary laughed slightly.

"Yes, we do," she said as she turned in her seat to look at me. I was sitting behind her. "We have five kids, so we kind of needed a big house."

"Five? So the house is crowded?" I asked and she laughed again.

"No, we only have one left in the house. Our son, Matt, he's seventeen. Same age as you," Mary said and I nodded.

"Okay, let's get your bags and get you settled in." Roy said as he turned the truck off. We all got out of the car and a guy around my age came down the stairs from the porch. He had been sitting on the swing there. He had dark brown hair, he was about the same height as me but I had a good two inches on him, his eyes were dark brown and his skin was tan. He was wearing a navy blue t-shirt, worn blue jeans, cowboy boots and a black cowboy hat.

"You must be James," he said as he held out his hand to me. I shook his hand and then he turned to Alli. "And you're Alli," he said as he shook her hand. "I'm Matt," he said.

"Matt, why don't you show them their rooms," Roy said and he nodded.

"Follow me," he said and he waved for us to follow him. We started towards the house and up the stairs. He opened the door and held it open for us. We walked in and we were in the livingroom. There was a huge flat screen hanging on the wall, a tan couch across from the TV, a couple arm chairs in the room, a dark stained wood rocking chair and a dark stained wood coffee table infront of the couch. The floor was dark hard wood and there were plants in the room also.**(2)**

The kitchen was right off from the livingroom and it was huge. The counter tops were pearl colored marble. There was a stove that was a good size, a black microwave, a black refridgerated and dark stained cabinets. There was also an island in the middle of the kitchen that had the same pearl colored counter top as the counter seperating the kitchen and livingroom. There was a doorway just off of the kitchen that seemed to lead to the diningroom.

Matt lead us to a stair case that was in the corner of the livingroom. We walked upstairs and there was a hallway that was lit well and there were four doors on both sides.

"The last door down there is Alli's and this one is your's James." Matt said as he pointed at the door at the end of the hall. My room was the door on the right side of Alli's. Matt opened my door and then opened Alli's. My room was a good size, there was a cherrywood dresser on one side that had a TV sitting on it and a closet door next to it. The bed was a king size bed and was nicely made with a white quilt that had red disign on it. The headboard was cherrywood also.

On the other side of the room from the door was a glass sliding door.

"Wow, this is my room?" I asked. It was way too nice.

"Yep, it used to be my brother, Carl's room." He said and I nodded. "And the room that Alli's in was my sister Kari's room. They're both in college now." He told me.

"I love my room!" We heard Alli say from the other room. We both chuckled. We walked over to Alli's room. It was like mine except the bed had a red quilt on it and the dresser was a lighter cherrywood than mine. Both rooms were amazing. I was wondering what this family was going to be like. They seem to be nice enough.

We were settled in and everything and were currently sitting on the couch in the livingroom watching Inception with Matt. Alli was sitting inbetween Matt and I on the couch.

"Dinner is done, turn the TV off please," Mary said from the kitchen. Matt turned the TV off and we walked into the dininroom. We all sat down at the table and Roy said grace and then everyone started to get food and put it on they're plate. The table was a good size and so was the room. Matt was talking about something that happened at his school today.

"What are we going to be doing for school while we're here?" I asked and Mary looked at us.

"Child Protection Services has hired someone to start homeschooling you here. Kind of like a personal tutor. They'll be here at seven in the morning." Mary explained and we nodded. I still wasn't sure about these people. Mary and Matt seem nice enough but Roy barely says two words. He's so quiet all the time. that kind of made me nervous for some reason. I think it made Alli uncomfortable also.

It was just awkward to sit with Roy because he doesn't really talk so we're not sure what to say to him. We had sat on the porch with Roy and Matt and Matt got up to help his mom with something, so it was Alli, Roy and I sitting there. We had no clue what to say to him.

"So, James, have you ever shot a gun?" Roy asked me, his voice is deep and has a bit of a western/southern tone to it. I looked up at him.

"No, sir, I haven't," I said and he laughed a little.

"Don't be intimidated by me. I'm not gonna hurt you boy. You have no reason to be afraid of me. You can just call me Roy, not sir." He said with a friendly smile.

"Okay, si- I mean Roy," I said and he chuckled a little.

"I'm gonna teach you both how to shoot a gun if you want. I can teach a few things around the ranch if you'd like. We could always use an extra hand here." Roy said and Alli and I nodded.

"That would be very nice," Alli said.

"Yeah, it would," I agreed. "I always wanted to shoot a gun but never had anyone to teach me how." I said and Roy smiled at me.

"Well, we'll do that tomorrow after you two get your schoolwork done." Roy said and then went back to eating. I did also. Mary was talking about someone here in town as we finished eating.

**(1) I have never been in an airport before. I've been in their plane garage and the flight school building but never the actual airport part. My homeschool group went on a feild trip to the airport and we were mostly in the plane garage, near the runway and we went into the school building. **

**(2) Go to my profile to see a picture of the house their's is based off of and there will be a picture of the view from the back of the porch.**

**Hope you enjoyed. Read and Review please!**


	20. Learning New Things

**Not really sure what to say today. Nothing interesting has happened and there's not much to tell.**

**Disclaimer: Yep, I bought BTR at Wal-Mart today. Didn't you know they were sold there? You have to buy them seperately, so far I have James. . . . By now you know I was kidding. I don't own BTR or anything else you recognize.**

**James' POV:**

It was the next day and we were just finishing up with school. I was sitting on the couch in the livingroom with my tutor, Mark Highman. He was a man probably in his fifties, his hair was black with grey in it, tan skin, and dark blue eyes. He wore a pair of blue jeans, a dark grey t-shirt, dark brown cowboy boots and a white cowboy hat. He was a nice guy and was patient with me. Which was a good thing.

"Okay, just finish up that paper and then we'll be done for the day." Mark said. He asked me to call him Mark instead of Mr. Highman. Alli was in the diningroom with her tutor. It was a man named Jack Scraff. He was probably in his early thirties, had dirty blonde hair that was about the same length as Logan's, bright green eyes and was tall. He was wearing blue jeans that were worn, a black button up shirt that had a red design that started on the shoulders and went down a little on the front, black cowboy boots and a black cowboy hat. _What's with everyone and their cowboy hats?_ I smiled at this thought.

I got my paper done and handed it to Mark. He did what he had to and then he stood up.

"Well, looks like we're done here." He said as he gathered his stuff and walked to the front door which I followed him. "I'll see you in the morning, James." He said.

"Okay, see you then," I said and then he tilted his hat towards Mary who was standing next to me now and then walked to his car. I shut the door and turned around to Mary.

"Go on upstairs and get changed into the clothes I laid out for you. They're some of Matt's clothes. You can wear them so you don't get you clothes dirty. I hope they fit you okay. I laid some of mine out for Alli." Mary told me. I thanked her and then made my way up to my room. I opened the door and saw a shirt and a pair of pants folded nicely on the nicely made bed, a white cowboy hat laying on top of them and a pair of dark brown cowboy boots sitting on the floor next to the bed. I picked up the hat and laid it aside and grabbed the clothes. I walked across the hall to the bathroom. I was now wearing a black button up shirt and dark, worn-out blue jeans. I walked back to my room and put the boots on and then the hat. I walked to the closet and opened the door to look at myself in the full length mirror that hung on the door.

I had to admit, I looked good. Then again, I always look good. I was amazed at how well Matt's clothes fit me. Even the shoes were the perfect size. I walked downstairs and Alli and Jack were walking to the door. Alli let out a whistle and I laughed.

"You look good as a cowboy," she said with a laugh.

"I know right?" I said with a laugh. For some reason I felt safer here than I ever did at The Palm Woods. I guess it's the fact that no matter what, my parents can't find us and we were getting along really well with the Williamsons. Roy opened up a little more to us this morning and was talking to us a lot. He admitted that he was expecting us to be a bunch of spoiled, rich, brats from the city that didn't listen to him or Mary. He was happy to discover we weren't.

Jack and Alli said goodbye and then he walked out and to his car.

"Alli, I laid out some of my clothes for you to wear today." Mary said and Alli nodded and went upstairs.

"I'll call Roy on his cell phone and get him home to get you two." Mary said walking to the kitchen. She was gone for a couple minutes and then returned. "He's on his way back." We sat there and talked for a little while and then Alli came back down.

"What do you think?" She asked as she held her hands up and turned slightly to the side. Posing for us with a huge smile. I smiled at her. She was wearing a light pink button up shirt **(1)**, worn blue jeans, light brown cowboy boots and a black cowboy hat.

"You look very cute," I said and she laughed. She walked over to us.

"Thank you," she said. Roy walked through the door a couple minutes later and smiled when he saw us.

"You ready to go?" He asked and we nodded. He walked into the other room and returned with a shot gun. We walked out to his pick-up truck and saw Matt in the bed of the truck.

"There's a bunch of stuff in the cab, so you'll have to ride in the back with Matt." Roy said and Alli looked at him.

"In the back? Isn't that dangerous?" She asked and Roy and Matt began to laugh.

"You've never rode in the back of a truck before?" Roy asked and we both shook our heads no.

"Well, then you'll like this. It's fun," Matt said and then we walked to the back of the truck. I climbed in and Roy helped Alli in. We sat down and Roy got in the cab and started the truck. We drove down a dirt path let lead back behind the house. He took us a good ways out and then stopped. There were a couple pop cans sitting on a board that was on two home made, wood stands. Matt stood up and jumped out and looked at us. I jumped out also and then Matt helped Alli down.

Roy got the shot gun out and loaded it. He then walked over.

"Who's first?" He asked and I looked at Alli.

"I guess I'll go first," I said and Roy nodded. I followed him over to right across frm the pop cans. He cocked the gun for me and then handed it to me.

"Okay, are you right handed or left handed?" He asked.

"I write with my right hand," I said and he nodded and handed the gun to me, holding it on my right side.

"Keep your elbow up, keep the gun like this," he said, moving the gun so the back part was rested on my shoulder and it was higher up by my head. "Don't put your finger on the trigger until you're ready to shoot. Look through there and find your target. Now, it's going to kick and it may hurt." Roy said and then stepped back and let me shoot. I steadied the gun until I felt I was on the target. I shot and it kicked. It hurt a lot. I almost dropped the gun.

"Dang It!" I yelled as I grabbed my shoulder. I heard chuckling coming from Roy and Matt.

"Let me see," Roy said as Matt took the gun. I unbutton the first few buttons on my shirt and pushed it over my shoulder. He studied my shoulder and then looked at me.

"Okay, you can button back up. You'll probably have you a nice bruise, but nothing too bad," he said. "Do you want to try again?"

"Yeah," I said. He nodded and handed me the gun after I buttoned back up. He made sure I was holding it right and then stepped back. I found my target and fired. I actually hit it. The kick didn't hurt as much as it did the first time. I smiled. I was happy I hit the target.

"Yes! I hit it!" I said and they laughed.

"Okay, Alli, you ready?" Roy asked as he took the gun from me. Alli didn't seem sure.

"You won't get hurt," Matt said and Alli walked over to us. I walked over to where Alli had been standing next to Matt.

"Right handed?" Roy asked and Alli nodded. He showed her how to hold the gun and then went through everything he did with me. He then stepped back to let her shoot. I could tell she was afraid to fire the gun. She finally did and when it kicked she grabbed her shoulder.

"Dang! That hurt!" She yelled. Roy did the same with her that he did with me and checked her shoulder. She was the same as me. She would only have a bruise.

"On the upside, you hit a can," Matt said and I looked over.

"Unbelievable! You hit one on your first try!" I said and she smiled. She jumped up and down with joy. We shot the gun a few more times and then Roy decided to show us how to ride a horse.

"Either of you ever rode a horse?" Roy asked as we got out of the truck near a corral.

"No, but I always wanted to learn," I said and he nodded and looked at Alli.

"I want to learn also." Alli said and Roy nodded.

"The Black and white horse is Dude, that's my son, Carl's horse. And the brown one is Baby-doll and that's my daughter Sam's horse."** (2)** Roy said and we nodded.

"James, you get Dude and Alli you get Baby-doll." Matt said and we nodded. Roy and Matt took us into the corral and got us in the saddle and everything.

"Okay, don't be scared. They sense your tension and it makes them tense also. Just pet them and let them know you trust them and trust you in return." Roy explianed and we nodded. Roy was walking along side my horse and Matt was with Alli. We started walking around the corral and then they let us go after a few minutes. We just rode around the corral a few times, going nice and slow.

"Okay, now get them to go faster," he said. Matt had showed us how to do it. We both got the horses trotting around adn then eventually got them running around. It was amazing. I found that I love horses. This is something that gives you a feeling of calmness and freedom. It's amazing. We rode around the corral a few more times and then Roy stopped us.

"Let Matt and I go get our horses and then we'll take you on the trails." He said and we nodded. "You can continue to ride or you can stop either on is fine until we get back." Roy said and we nodded. We both just rode around the corral until the came galloping up to the corral. Matt was on a brown and white horse and Roy had a black and white horse.

"This one is Lightening," Roy said, patting his horse on the neck. "And that one is Levi." Roy said pointing at Matt's horse. Roy got off his horse and lead our horses out of the corral and then got back on his horse.

"Let's go," Roy said and then turned his horse around. We followed Roy back behind the corral and there was a dirt path leading out into the pastors. It was beautiful down through here. There were trees every one in awhile, bushes and dirt. It was a lot different here than it was in L.A. or Minnesota. We rode down through the pastor. It was something new for me. It was calming. I still wanted to talk to Jacob when I got home but while I was here, this was going to be my therapy for now.

**(1) Haha, I realize I use a lot of button up shirts in this. My uncle lives in Nebraska and the people out there wear them a lot so I just went off of that. And a good friend of mine lives in Texas and he said they wear them down there a lot. Sorry if you live in Montana and this like offended you or something. I've never been to Montana so I know nothing about it.**

**(2) The horses names are the names of my friend's horses. Dude is my favorite horse. He belongs to my friends Logan and Mitch.**

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	21. Just A Little Bit Longer

**Most of this story is going to be in James' POV. I just like it from his POV. And, once again, thank you to mandamichelle for helping me make my mind up with this cahpter. Look at the bottom of the page to see what she helped me with. =)**

**Disclaimer: By now you know that, sadly Big Time Rush does NOT belong to me. . . . Or at least I hope you know. . . .**

**James' POV:**

We were sitting at the table eating breakfast. We had been here for five days now and was a little sad that we may be leaving sunday or monday. Pancakes, sasuage, bacon and scrambled eggs. It was delicious. I put another piece of bacon in my mouth as I listened to Roy talk about what needed to be done today. They had given Alli and I things to do also. We were helping take care of the animals and such. It was nice out since it was march now**(1)**. The phone began to ring and Mary got up to go answer it. She was gone for a little while and then she came back in and looked at Alli and I.

"James, Alli, something's come up," She said and we both looked at her.

"Is everything okay?" I asked and she looked at Roy.

"Well, you see, Mrs. Knight's case has been pushed back a week due to difficulties. And they said your parents showed up at the apartment and the cops were called. No one was hurt but Child Protection Services believe it's best they keep you here until your parents are caught. They don't think you would be safe in Los Angeles until your parents are behind bars. Mrs. Knight will still be adopting you and even after she adopts you, you may still be staying here." Mary explained.

"Are they putting anyone at 2J to protect the others?" Alli asked and Mary nodded.

"Your boss is having someone named Freight Train watch the apartment." She said and we nodded. Everything was quiet after that except for the light clicking of our forks against our plates.

"You don't have to be quiet now. It's okay, we're fine," I said and Mary smiled.

"Okay, sweetie," Mary said.

"If you two ever need anything, you come get me or Mary. We're here to take care of you. You can come to us and tell us anything," Roy said and we both smiled.

"Thank you, both of you," I said and they both smiled and nodded at us. I would have to call the guys after awhile and get the full story of what had happened.

It was 4 pm and I was sitting in my room with Alli. I had helped with what I could and then was sent back up to the house for awhile. I told Roy I wanted to call the guys and see what happened. He said that there were a few things he wanted me to do and then I could call them. It was saturday so I didn't have school today. I pulled my phone out and called the first person who came to mind. Kendall.

_"Hey James,"_ Kendall said in a happy voice but I could hear the worry and concern in his voice.

"Hey," I asked.

"Hey Kendall," Alli said. I had it on speaker phone.

_"Hi Alli,"_ Kendall said with a small chuckle.

"Are the others in the room with you?" I asked.

_"Yeah, hang on,"_ he said, getting that I was going to ask him to put it on speaker.

_"Hi James and Alli" _I heard, Logan, Carlos, Katie and Mrs. Knight say.

"Hi, everyone," Alli and I said at the same time.

"Hey what I was calling about was-" Kendall cut me off.

_"About what happened with your parents,"_ he said. It wasn't a question it was a statement.

"Yeah, so what did happen?" I asked.

_"Well, Kendall and I were sitting on the couch,"_ Logan began._ "And we heard a knock on the door. Carlos was in the kitchen so he opened the door and your parents pushed their way in. Your dad had a gun and was demanding we tell them where you two were at. We were terrified. Katie and Mrs. Knight weren't in the apartment that night lucky. Kendall and Carlos kept telling them that you weren't here._

_"You're parents didn't believe us and I called the cops. They went through the rooms and when they saw you weren't here, you dad held the gun to Carlos' head and demanded we tell them where you were or he was going to kill Carlos. We weren't sure what to do, so we told them that Child Protection Services took you and we weren't sure where they had sent you. Your dad waited a few moments but then released Carlos and shoved him to the floor."_ Logan said.

_"Yeah, and then after that they left and a few minutes later, the cops showed up. They asked us what happened and we told them and they're still looking for your parents. That's why they want you to stay there."_ Carlos said.

_"Mom is still adopting you guys but we can't have you back at the house until your parents are caught. They're going to be watching them carefully once they're back behind bars to make sure nothing like this happens again. You guys will be safe after you get back here." _Kendall added.

"That's nice to know. I hope they catch them soon. I miss you guys," Alli said.

_"We miss you too honey,"_ Mrs. Knight said.

"I wish I knew how long we would be here," I said and Alli agreed.

_"Hopefully it won't be long,"_ Katie said and the others agreed with her. We sat there and talked for a little while longer and then Mary came in and told us it was dinner time. We said our goodbyes and then made our way down to the diningroom. I really liked being here and I loved the family. Roy, Mary and Matt have been amazing to us and I really didn't want to leave them but yet I missed recording. I miss seeing the guys everytime I turn around. I miss seeing Mrs. Knight and Katie all the time at home. They were my family. They had always been my family.

I didn't want to lose contact with the Williamsons. I knew that. I was going to stay in touch with them. I just hoped that my parents would be out of my life for good this time. I just prayed they caught our parents. I had heard that there have been people who escape from prison and are never found. If they don't find my parents, I'm not sure what I'll do. Hopefully they'll allow us to go home after awhile. I would be terrified that my parents would be around any corner if they're not caught. I can't live like that.

That wasn't the life I wanted where I could never be alone and never go out without wondering if I will make it home safe. I hope it doesn't get to that. I don't want to worry about Alli more than I already do. Even though I knew my parents were in prison when we were in Los Angeles, I still worried about Alli. What had happened with our parents made me realize that so much can happen to you. So much can happen to Alli and that scares me. I don't want her to be hurt. I'll do anything to protect her and I'll keep that promise.

I put a piece of fried chicken in my mouth and thought about life if my parents weren't caught. I didn't notice the looks from everyone at the table. They could tell something was up because I was basically picking at my food and not really eating. I looked at them all.

"What?" I asked, confused by their stares.

"Is everything okay James?" Mary asked and I nodded.

"I was just thinking. It's nothing big though. I'm fine," I said. They stared at me for a moment longer and then nodded and went back to eating. The room was filled with chatter and clicking of forks on plates but to me it seemed quiet. I just wasn't paying attention. I was just thinking about my parents. I won't be able to live if they aren't caught. I won't let Alli out of my sight if they aren't caught.

I was just getting out of the shower when I heard my phone ringing. It was ten pm so I was confused at who was calling me. I wrapped a towl around my waist and picked my phone up off the bathroom counter and looked at the caller ID. I didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?" I asked.

_"James?"_ A man's voice said.

"Yeah, may I ask who this is?" I asked as I grabbed my boxers. I held the phone inbetween my shoulder and ear as I pulled my boxers on.

_"I'm with the Los Angeles Child Protection Services and we had a bit of a problem with our computer and a lot of information was erased. We're just trying to get everything sorted out. We managed to still have your number. We would like you to tell us your current location and address. We lost that information."_ The man said. I wasn't sure what was going on but I didn't really think much of it. I gave them the family name, the state and town and the Williamsons home address.

"Is that all you need?" I asked. I was sitting on the toilet, the lid was down of course.

_"Yes, that's all. Thank you James," _the man said and then we hung up. I put my phone down and pulled my shirt on and then brushed my teeth. I knew that was a bit of a weird phone call but I didn't want to allow myself to become paranoid about everything. I needed to understand that not everything is dangerous. But there just was something not right about that call. It was just weird. Don't they usually have written files?

I tried to just push it to the back of my mind and not worry about it. It was a bit hard though. I had to calm down. Maybe they don't have written files anymore. Maybe they never had them. I just had to stop worry so much. Everything was fine. Alli and I are fine. My parents are clueless as to where we are. They're not going to find us. I just had to convince myself of this.

**(1) Yes, I skipped a couple months. At the beginning of the story they were coming back from Christmas with the family and now it's march. It's a story, I could skip to next Christmas if I wanted to! Haha, but I just wanted it to be nice weather in Montana. I hope that's right. Like I said, I've never been in Montana, so I don't know what the weather is like there.**

**The thing mandamichelle helped me with was to have them stay longer. I had been thinking about that but wasn't sure and she helped me make up my mind. So thank you!**

**Hope You enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	22. Good Time

**I got an anonymous review from BreeZ about whether or not this was going to be an AlliXMatt story. And I had thought about doing that but wasn't sure if I should. I hope you like the beginning of this chapter BreeZ. I really enjoy this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine of course. And neither are the songs mentioned in this chapter.**

**James' POV:**

It had been one week since that phone call. I had conviced myself as good as I could that it was okay. I was safe here. I walked out of the bathroom and heard Alli giggling. I walked over to her room and knocked on the door. A little curious of what she was doing. I opened the door to find her and Matt sitting on her bed. Both smiling and laughing.

"Hey James," Alli said. I was in my jeans and socks. I hadn't put a shirt on yet, I had forgotten it in my bedroom.

"Hey, what are you two up to?" I asked, a little suspicious of why my baby sister had a boy in her room with the door closed. Even though my parents never cared if we had boys/girls in our rooms, I cared if there was a boy in Alli's room. Especially at night or if it was a boy I didn't know. She always hated it but I was pretty sure she understood it was my responsiblity as her brother to be like that.

"Don't worry James, we were just talking and Matt here, asked me out for friday." Alli said with a smile.

"Matt, can I talk to Alli alone for a minute?" I asked and he looked between us and then nodded and walked out. I waited until the door was closed and then sat on the bed next to Alli.

"Alli, don't get invold with him right now. We're not going to be here long and if you get invold with him then it's going to make it harder to leave and go back to Los Angeles." I said and she sighed.

"It's just a date, nothing's going to happen." She said and I just stared at her.

"Okay, but I get to say I told you so when we have to leave and you don't want to leave Matt." I said with a smile. She laughed and shoved me.

"Trust me James, I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to get attached to him. We'll just go out a few times, that's all." She said and I nodded.

"Okay, if he does anything to you, you tell me. I'll put him in his place." I said and she laughed. I stood up and walked out of the room. Matt wasn't in the hallway like I expected him to be. Apparently he's not as nosey as Logan, Kendall and Carlos are. If it had been them, they all three would have fallen to the floor when I opened the door. I didn't have much privacy in 2J.

I walked downstairs, not bothering to put a shirt on. I was just going down to get a bottle of water and then going to my room. I walked down the stairs and made my way to the kitchen. I heard someone whistle and turned to see Mary, Roy, Matt and two unknown girls standing in the livingroom.

"Who's the hottie with no shirt on?" One of the girls said. She appeared to be around my age, she had black hair that came to about her mid back, she had dark skin, was about a foot shorter than I was, her eyes were dark brown and she appeared to be native american. She was very pretty. She was wearing dark blue jeans that were dirty, a dark red button up shirt with a design on the shoulders, black cowboy boots and a black cowboy hat. I couldn't help but blush at her question.

"That's one of our foster children," Mary said. I smiled at her.

"I didn't know you had more foster children." The other one said. She was older than I was. Maybe in her mid twenties or late twenties. She had black hair that was up in a ponytail, dark skin, she was about two inches taller than the other girl, she had the same dark eyes as the other and appeared to be native american as well. She was just as pretty as the other. She was wearing a black t-shirt, dirty blue jeans, black cowboy boots and a black cowboy hat.

"Yeah, him and his sister Alli. His name is James, James this is Cindy and Emily." Mary said. Cindy was the younger girl and Emily was the older one. I smiled and gave a small wave.

"So, where are you from?" Cindy asked.

"Los Angeles, California," I said and she laughed.

"You don't have to say California, I know where Los Angeles is. I think everybody knows where that's at." She said and laughed again. Her voice was sweet and her laugh was like a little girls laugh.

"Why don't you go grab a shirt and we go have some fun?" She asked and I smiled and nodded once.

"Sure, give me a minute," I said and then ran up the stairs. I walked into my room and grabbed my white t-shirt and put it on. I combed my hair out until it was perfect and then walked downstairs.

"Back by ten," Emily said, pointing at Cindy and raising an eyebrow at her.

"Same goes for you James," Mary said. We agreed and then Roy gave me the keys to the pick-up truck. I had been driving it since I didn't have a car here. We walked out and Cindy got in the passenger side of the car and I walked around and got in the driver's seat. I started the car and backed up and drove down the driveway. I hadn't really had a chance to see much in town even though I had been here about two weeks.

"Where are we going?" I asked and she thought for a moment as I pulled out of the driveway and made my way towards town.

"There's an old bar that they turned into a teen hang out a couple years back, we can go there. Or we can go to my friend Jack's house. He's having a party in his barn. There's a bowling alley and a driven- in." She said and I thought about it.

"You have parties in barns**(1)**?" I asked and looked at me and laughed that adorable laugh again.

"Party it is. Go down to the gas station and turn right at the road beside it." She said, pointing out the windsheild. I drove down to a gas station and then turn on the road.

"So city boy, what do you like to do?" She asked and I smiled.

"I'm in a band in Los Angeles," I said, hoping to impress her. She laughed and looked at me.

"A band? What's the name?"

"Big Time Rush," I said and she nodded.

"I've heard of that band. A friend of mine said something about you guys. She read Deek's blog about you guys. Why did you do all that stuff to him? You know, locking him in a closet and trachcan?" She asked and I laughed remembering that day.

"We were trying to show him we weren't what he thought and show him how amazing we really are. He wanted to tell everyone not to buy our CD and we couldn't let that happen." I said and she laughed and raised an eyebrow at me.

"You thought locking him in a closet and a trashcan and chasing him through airducts would make him like you better?" I laughed at this also.

"You haven't met the guys, we're not the best with coming up with ideas. We just go along with whatever happens. I locked him in the closet and made that plan C. It didn't work the way I had hoped but we got him to say good things about us on his blog so it all worked out." I said, both of us were laughing. I liked how easy it was to laugh with her. She didn't seem the least bit nervous or shy around me. It was nice because most girls not at The Palm Woods get crazy, nervous or shy when they discover who I am. I liked it when that girl came along that didn't see it as a big deal. Just saw you as another teen.

"So Cindy, what do you like to do?" I asked and she thought about it.

"Ride my horse Checkers, read, hang out with friends and play in the creek," she said and I smiled. "I'm a little boring, I know."

"You're not boring, you're laid back. I like that," I said and looked over at her with smile before turnin my attention back to the road ahead of me. She smiled and I caught the blush that crept up on her cheeks. I smiled wider at the thought that I made her blush.

"Thanks, not many people like that I'm so laid back. I still like to party and stuff though, so I'm not all boring." She said and I thought for moment.

"I don't mean to offend you or anything but do you and your friends drink at these parties?" I asked.

"Turn down this road here," she said pointing at the road on the left of the road. I turned when I got to it. "And I don't drink, some of the people at this party do and there will be beer there. They never get drunk though. It's just like a glass or two. Half the time I don't think they actually like it, I think it's just the fact that they can drink it here. It makes them feel rebelious or whatever. I promised my dad I wouldn't before he died." She said. I glanced at her and she was looking down at her hands.

"Are you okay?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yeah, that just made me think of my dad." She said and I glanced at her again.

"Do you wanna talk about it." I asked and she just stared at me.

"I don't want to burden you with my problems. I'll tell you this. My dad died two years ago because of being thrown from his horse. He was riding on the paths back behind our house and I was with him. Something spooked the horse and it went up on it's back hooves and started to buck around. My dad was thrown and he went down the hill the path was on. He hit his head on a rock and split it open. He died on the way to the hospital." She explained. I really didn't know what to say.

"I'm so, so sorry," I said and she shook her head.

"Don't apologize," she said and then silence fell over the two of us.

"Don't get quiet just because I told you something sad. Turn down the road here and it's the first house on the left." She said and I nodded and turned down the road. It was obvious to see that it was the first house because there were cars all over the place. There were cars and trucks parked in the cornfeild beside the house. I pulled in and parked. We got out of the truck and there were a couple people getting out of the car next to our's. It was a guy around my age that had dirty blonde hair that was a little shorter than mine, his eyes were dark blue, his skin was a tan color and he was a little taller than me.

The other person was a girl around my age, she had light brown hair that came to her shoulder, her eyes were a light blue color, she was about the same height as Cindy and her skin was nicely tanned.

"Hey, Cindyrella," the guy said. He had that southern/western tone also. Cindy rolled her eyes and shoved him. He laughed and put his arm around the brown haired girls shoulders.

"Who's the pretty boy?" The guy asked.

"This is James, James this is Jason and Michelle." She said and I smiled at them.

"Nice to meet you," Michelle said.

"You too," I said and she smiled.

"You're Roy and Mary's foster son right?" Jason asked and I nodded.

"Cool, my dad tutors your sister Alli." He said and I smiled as we walked towards the barn.

"Jack is your dad?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yep, sure is," he said and then he opened the doors to the barn. There were teens crowded in and the music was blaring. They were playing some country song I recognized as Good time by Alan Jackson. There were people line dancing in the middle and then other standing around talking and sipping from red, plastic cups. They were all dressed how you would expect. Some of the girls were in plaid dresses. They all were wearing cowboy hats except for about five people. We walked in and Cindy pulled me towards the dance floor.

"Show me your moves pretty boy," she said over the music. I stood there for a moment. I had no clue how to line dance so I just started to dance like they do in clubs. I even busted out into the soulja boy dance. Cindy began laughing hysterically at me.

"No, no, no, not like that. Like this," she said doing a few steps and then letting me copy. I did the steps and then she did a couple more. "Good, good, now put it all together. Like this," she said and then began to line dance. I started also and was surprised I got it. It wasn't as hard as you'd think. Eventually that song ended and then we danced to a few more songs. We then walked over to the table along the wall. She filled up two glasses with punch and then handed one to me. I thanked her and took a sip.

"Is this as much fun as those big time parties you go to out in Los Angeles?" She asked with a smile and then took a sip of her punch. I laughed.

"I have to admit, no. I haven't been to many parties in Los Angeles but this is so much fun. We threw a party in our apartment but we weren't supposed to and we moved it outside becaus Kendall told us to get everyone out of the apartment. I know that's not what he meant but it was such an amazing party we couldn't end it. That just wouldn't be cool," I said and she laughed.

"Wow, I threw a party at the house once and got grounded for two weeks. My parents were out of town for awhile and the Williamsons were checking in on me. Roy showed up and broke the party up, sent everyone home and called my parents. Most people would had probably been mad at him after that but I've known Roy since I was born, so he's like my second father.

"My dad had Roy promise him that if anything happened to him, Roy would take care of my mom and me. He's kept his promise. He's taken good care of us." She said and I smiled.

"That's nice. They've been very nice to us since we got out here," I said and she nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, they're nice people. They always have been," she said and I smiled. They started to play Boot Scootin' Boogie by Brooks and Dunn and she took my cup and sat it down then dragged me to the middle of the barn to dance. We began to dance and we both were laughing and having a good time. It was nice to just have fun. To just let go and not worry about anything. I needed this. Laughter is the best medicine after all right?

**(1) I've never been to a party in a barn but my mom talks about doing it when she was a teenager. My sister and I had talked about having a barn party a couple times but have just been too busy or our friends have to much to do to come to a party. Everyone is invold in 4H and such so they're busy in the summer. My mom said they were always fun. **

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	23. This Can't Be Happening

**Okay, before you read this you may want to grab a tissue. I cried writing it! If you want it to be even more sad, read it while listening to Like I Mean It by Stars Go Dim. That's what I was listening to when I wrote this chapter and it made it soo much more sad. I do recommend you listen to that song though. It's amazing.**

**Warning: Self-harm/attempted suicide**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine and neither is anything else you may recognize in this story.**

**Alli's POV:**

It was finally friday and I was going out with Matt tonight. I wanted to wear something nice but I hadn't brought anything nice with me. I had asked Cindy if she had anything I could wear. So I was currently at Cindy's home and she was going through her clothes in her closet. James and her have been spending a lot of time together lately. I tease James about them dating but James says they're just friends. I could tell they really liked each other no matter what they say. I was happy for them.

"How about this one?" Cindy asked as she held up a black dress that had sparkles on it and had spaghetti straps. I smiled and nodded.

"I love that dress," I said as I stood up. She laughed.

"Good because if you had said no we would had been in trouble because I have one more dress. This one," she said as she showed me a dark purple dress that had riffles on the bottom. I shook my head.

"I want to wear this one," I said and she nodded. She handed it to me and I walked to the bathroom that was attached to her room. I got changed into the dress and walked out of the bathroom. She smiled and whistled at me. I blushed a little at that.

"Matt's jaw is going to be on the floor when he sees you." She exclaimed and I laughed. "Come, sit, I'll do you're hair." She said and I walked over and sat on the wooden chair infront of her vanity. She began to brush my hair out and then she grabbed the curling iron. She curled my hair and then put most of it in kind of a bun on top of my head and the rest that was in spring curls hung down. I loved it.

"Wow, my hair's amazing," I said and she smiled.

"I'm working to be a hair stylist, so yeah, I'm good at it." She said and I smiled.

"Okay, now we do the make-up," she said as she moved me the way she needed me in. I was turned around with my back to the mirror. She began to do my make-up. I had told her I just wanted something simple and she agreed that it should be simple. After she was done with my make-up I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. I smiled and thanked her again.

She walked to her closet and got out a pair of shoes for me. They were black high heels. I put them on and then stood up and she smiled.

"I must say, you look hot girl. Matt's gonna love you," she said and I smiled. She opened her closet door and let me look in the full length mirror she had on the inside of the door. I looked at myself and was amazed at how I looked. I didn't think I could look this beautiful.

"You made me look beautiful!" I exclaimed.

"I didn't _make_ you beautiful, you were _already_ beautiful." She said and I smiled at her. I leaned over and hugged her. She hugged me back. It was almost six so Matt would be here to pick me up any minute. We were going out to eat. We didn't really want to go out to a movie or anything. Corrrection, _I_ didn't want to go out to a movie or anything. I wanted to go out with Matt but I had promise James I wouldn't let things too serious between us. I needed to stay away from actual dates. Dinner was nice because we would eat and then come home.

We were sitting in the kitchen and saw Matt pull up in the driveway. Cindy smiled at me. She was making Matt come inside so she could take a picture of us. She thought of Matt as her brother, so this was a big deal to her. Matt came to the door and didn't even knock, he just walked right in and they greeted him like family. He was like family to them.

"Okay, get over there and I'll take your picture." Cindy said and I rolled my eyes and walked over to Matt. We just stood side-by-side. Cindy lowered the camera and looked at us. Obviously not pleased.

"Put your arm around her and pose like you're supposed to." She said and we both laughed and Matt put his arm around my waist and I kind of turned towards him. She took the picture and then let us go. We walked out to Matt's car and he opened the door for me. I thanked him and got in. He shut the door and then walked around to the driver's side. He got in, put this seat belt on and then started the car. We were just going to a small diner here in town but I still wanted to look nice.

Matt was wearing a pair of nice blue jeans, a white dress shirt and black dress shoes and for once he didn't have his cowboy hat on. We made small talk as we made our way to the restaruant. It only took a few minutes to get there and he pulled into the parking-lot and parked the car. I took my seat belt off and then he opened the door for me. I thanked him again and then we walked inside. I loved the fact that he trusted everyone here enough to just leave the doors unlocked.

We sat down and the waitress asked us what we wanted to drink and we both said sweet tea. She nodded with a smile and walked to the back. We just talked about random things on the menu and then the waitress came back with two big glasses of sweet tea.

"Ready to order?" She asked and we nodded. Matt nodded for me to go first.

"I'll have a chicken strip salad please," I said and she nodded and wrote it down then turned to Matt.

"And I'll have a cheeseburger and fries," he said and she nodded once again with a smile. She walked away and then silence fell over us.

"I hope I'm not too out of line here by asking this, but why were you sent to live with us. Only parents get that information and they don't talk about it." Matt said quietly. I bit my lip, debating whether or not I wanted to tell him. I sighed deeply.

"My parents were always abusive, that's as far as I'm getting into it with you though." I said and he nodded in understanding. I was surprised when he actually left it alone and didn't push farther. I was happy he didn't push. We talked about his school and about his team. He was on a the football team at school and was the quarter back. I was really enjoying talking to Matt.

**James' POV:**

I was sitting on the couch watching a hockey game that was on when there was a knock on the door. I got up and walked over and opened the door. There was a girl around thirteen or so with bleach blonde hair that came just past her shoulders, bright, blue eyes, tan skin and she was short. She was wearing a white t-shirt, faded blue jeans and dirty white sneakers. I smiled friendly at her.

"Can I help you?" I asked in a friendly tone. She smiled back and held up an evenlope.

"Some man asked me to give this to James and Alli and said they lived here. He said it was important and he had ot be somewhere so he couldn't do it. He gave me ten dollars to deliver it. So is James or Alli here?" She asked. I gave her a weird look.

"I'm James, may I ask if the man gave you his name or what he looked like?" I asked as she handed the envelope to me.

"He didn't give me his name. He was tall, had hair the same color as your's only a lot shorter, he was pale, kind of scruffy, dark eyes." She said I froze. She had just described my dad.

"Thank you," I said, trying to keep up the friendliness when really I was freaking out inside.

"No problem," she said. I think she saw that soemthing was wrong. She walked away and I closed the door. I opened the letter with shakey hands, wishing somone else was in the house. I had been happy to get a little time alone since I hadn't had any except for bed time since I got here. I was regretting it now.

_James & Alli,_

_Don't think you can hide from us. We know exactly where you are. Don't call the cops because that will just make things worse for both of you._

_And don't either of you dare try to run. We will hunt you down and kill you if you do. And James don't try to force Alli to go somewhere "safer",_

_if you do then we'll kill you and then find Alli and she'll be dead the second she's ?_

_Now what we want you to do is go to the barn just outside of town. It's hard to miss. Big, red barn. Be there at six tomorrow night. We'll be waiting._

_Mom and dad_

I pressed my back against the door as tears slid down my face. I couldn't believe they found us. I was right from the beginning, we can _not_ escape them. Honestly, I hope they kill me this time. I don't want to live if I have to live in fear and be hurt left and right. I don't want to have to live this way. Alli and I are much better off dead than living. Sure people may be upset at first but they'll get over it. They'll cry and then go on living their seemingly perfect lives. We'll just fade with time. That's how it has to be.

I could either sit here and wait for death to come to me tomorrow, or I could end it now. No one was home to stop me. I would be dead before they got home. I sobbed at the thought. I hated leaving Alli but I hated living here. I hated my life and I just want to die. I don't want to live anymore. I want the pain and suffering to end. I couldn't take it anymore. I can't take another beating. And being my luck, I probably won't be killed. They've nearly killed me once or twice and they do. I now wish they had.

I picked myself up off the floor, still sobbing as I made my way to the kitchen. I let out a loud sob as I picked up on of the steak knives and stared at it. I slowly made my way upstairs. The only sounds filling the house were my loud sobs, my light footsteps and the sound of my heart beating in my ears. It was so loud. I was so scared. I wanted to end my pain and this was the only way to do it. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door, not bothering to lock it.

I walked over and got a couple towls out and laid them on the floor so Mary and Roy wouldn't have so much blood to clean up. I was still sobbing as I picked the knife back up off the counter. I fell to my knees on the towls and pressed the knife to my right wrist hard. I dragged it down, making a nice deep, long cut on my wrist. I let out a loud sob and then did it again to my right wrist. My hands were shaking so bad I thought I might drop the knife.

I switched hands and made two, deep, long cuts on my left wrist this time. I sobbed as I bled. The blood rushing out of the cuts at a fast rate. Watching the blood fall onto the towls and mixing with the tear stains on them made me cry so hard I couldn breathe. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, staining the white shirt I was wearing with my blood.

As I began to feel sick and lightheaded, I realized this wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to leave Alli. I couldn't. What would happen to her. She would be crushed. This wasn't what a brother was supposed to do. I wasn't supposed to leave her, I was supposed to protect her. I can't do that if I'm six feet underground. I grabbed one of the towls and began to dap at my wrist and then grabbing a couple smaller towls and wrapping them around my wrist, trying to stop the bleeding.

There was blood everywhere and my vision was becoming blurry. I was trying to make my way down stairs to the livingroom where I left my cell phone. I had to call for help. I had to save myself. This wasn't right. I wasn't supposed to die. I ahd to live for Alli. If I couldn't live for myself I would live for her. I was at the bottom of the stiars and everything was blurry. I felt really sick and lightheaded. Like I could pass out at any moment.

I was almost to the couch when I just got too weak and fell to the floor on my knees. I was still sobbing and was just too weak to move.

_'I'm sorry Alli,"_ was the last thing I thought before everything went black.

**I'm horrible aren't I? Let me know if you check out that song. I would love to know if you think it's as good as I think it is. **

**Hope you enjoyed and at least one of didn't cry! Haha, Read and Review please!**


	24. I'm Begging You Please

**Alright, I actually didn't mean to put James back in the hospital but I was just writing and that came out and I liked it so I kept it. **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed on here. I wanted to thank you indivually, but I haven't really had the time. Sorry.**

**Disclaimer: BTR is obviously not mine.**

**Alli's POV:**

"Thank you so much for tonight Matt. I had a wonderful time," I said as Matt was driving hom.

"Thank you for going with me," Matt said as he pulled into the driveway. I was ready to tell James all about tonight and then go take a nice hot shower and go to sleep. I was tired as I always was since we got here. It was different here than it was back in Los Angeles or Minnesota. It was more exhausting here with all the chores but I enjoyed it.

We parked and made our way to the house. Matt unlocked the door and then opened it.

"Wow, it's so quiet. I wonder if James went out with Cindy tonight? I wouldn't be surprised they have been-" I cut myself off when I seen a leg as if someone was laying on the floor.

"Something wrong?" Matt asked as he hung our jackets up on the coat hooks by the door. I pointed towards the leg and he got quiet also. We walked around the couch and tears instantly filled my eyes and I covered my mouth at what I saw. There was James, lying on the floor unconcious, in a pool of blood that was coming from his wrist.

"No!" I cried out as the tears began to flow. Matt instantly went over and kneeled beside him. He leaned down and listened for his breathing and then pressed his fingers to James' neck, feeling for his pulse.

"Is he. . . A-alive?" I asked as I cried. He looked up at me.

"He's alive but I'm not sure for how long. Call 911 now." Matt said and I grabbed James' cell phone that was laying on the couch. I dialed 911 and waited as it rang.

_"911 please state your emergency."_ A woman said.

"Please, I need an ambulance. My brother is laying on the floor in a pool of blood. He cut his wrist. He's unconcious," I said.

_"Okay, I need your address,"_ she said and I gave it to her.

"Please hurry," I said as the sobs began.

_"They're on their way,"_ she said. I thanked her and then hung up after she asked me a few questions and told me what to do to help stop the bleeding. Matt called his parents and they were on their way home. I sank to the floor beside Matt and he put his arms around me and I cried so hard I couldn't breathe.

"Why. . . . Why would he do this?" I asked through the sobs. I was so upset. What would make him do this? He was so happy the last few days. Nothing had happened to make him do this, at least I don't think so. Why was James trying to kill himself? What made him do this?

"W-why was h-he trying to k-kill himself?" I asked through the sobs.

"It looks like he tried to stop the bleeding and it looks like he was trying to get to his phone. Maybe he wasn't trying to kill himself. Maybe it was just that he cut. That's just as serious but maybe he didn't mean for this to happen." I didn't get to reply as the door was opened and a few paramedics came rushing in with a stretcher. One of the paramedics had Matt and I move out of the way. They put James on the stretcher and carried him out. We followed him.

"Family only," one of the paramedics said.

"I'm his sister," I said and the paramedic nodded and motioned me in. I looked at Matt.

"Go, I'll meet you at the hosptial," he said and I nodded and got into the back with the two paramedics that were treating James. The ambulance was filled with the sound of the siren blaring, the engine, the paramedics talking and the beeping of the heart monitor.

"Why is it quieter than I remember from the last time he was hooked up to that?" I asked, pointing at the heart monitor.

"His heart beat is fading fast. We're doing what we can to revive him. We need to get his heart beat normal." One of the paramedics said. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked and the same paramedic looked up.

"I'll do everything I possibly can to save this boy," the paramedic said. I was grateful that he was going to help James whoever he can.

**At The Hospital:**

I was sitting on the uncomfortable waitingroom chair as I waited to hear about James. Mary, Roy, Matt, Emily and Cindy were all here but the room was silent except for the ticking of the clock on the wall behind me. I was bouncing my right knee lightly and had my elbows rested on my knees and my head in my hands. I felt a hand rubbing my back and knew it was Roy. Roy was sitting on the right side of me and then there was a chair and then Matt and Mary right next to him. Emily and Cindy were sitting in the chairs directly across from Roy and I.

I still had tears rolling down my face but they weren't as bad as they had been. I was still trying to work everything out. Why would James do this? He was doing so well and had gotten so far in progress and now all that came crashing down. I was worried about what would happen when he woke up. Would he be okay? Would he still want to die? Was he actually trying to kill himself? That was the one I wanted to know the most. Did he really try to kill himself? Or did he just cut too deep?

"James Diamond," a doctor said. We all stood up and he looked at all of us before continuing.

"How's is he?" Roy asked. The doctor sighed.

"He's in a bad state. He lost a lot of blood because all four cuts were very deep. He has thrity-three stitches. He's unconcious and won't wake up for about another day or two. His heart beat is still faint and we worry that may have an affected on whether or not he will wake up. It's a little too light at the moment to support his body functions. So we'll have have him on machines to help body functions. There's a good chance he may slip into a coma but a better chance he'll wake up." The doctor explained.

"Were the deep cuts accidents? Or were they on purpose?" Mary asked and this was the question I was scared to hear. Even though I -and everyone else- wanted to know, we were also afraid to know.

"They were too deep and perfectly made to be accidents. At the moment, we believe this was a suicide attempt." The doctor said sadly. "You may visit him now but only two in the room at a time please. With the machines and such, it's a bit crowded right now."

"Thank you doctor," Mary said and he nodded and left the room.

"Why did James want to kill himself?" I asked, not to anyone specifi just saying it out loud.

"There's nothing more we can do at this moment. Would you like to go see him, Alli?" Roy asked and I nodded.

"Can I go in alone though?" I asked and they all nodded. Understanding I wanted a few moments alone with him.

"I need to call Mrs. Knight and tell her what the doctor said." Mary said and I nodded. They had called Mrs. Knight on their way to the hospital and told her what happened and had promised that every time they got news they would call.

I walked out of the room and down the hall to James' room. room 432. I stood outside of the door a moment. Mentally and emotionally preparing myself for what I would see when I opened the door. I slowly turned the doorknob and walked inside. James was just lying on the bed as if he were asleep. It was far from peaceful though and you could just tell by looking at him. His skin was very pale, his hair slightly messy and his body as still as could be.

Both his wrist were bandaged nicely. He was in a hosiptal gown and the blanket was pulled up to about mid stomach. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. I took his hand in mine and felt tears sliding out. I just sat there, holding his hand in silence. Well, mostly silence. There was the beeping of the heart monitor and the beeps and clicks of the other machines along with the ticking of the wall clock.

"Why would you do this James? Please, I'm begging you to wake up. Please don't go into a coma. Be strong for me. I need you James. Don't leave me. I won't make it without you. Please, I'm begging you James," I said as I began to cry harder. I just want his eyes to open. I know the doctor said it could take a day or two but I didn't want to wait. I wanted to know my brother was safe now. I wanted to know he wasn't going to leave me. I needed that. I needed to know he was with me.

What I said was true. I won't be able to live if he's not here. Everything I did was because of James. I had gotten into playing the guitar because of James. I made sure to get good grades because of James. I started to write more songs and sing more because of James. I had been on the soccer team because of James. I started playing ice hockey and field hockey because of James.

He taught me sports and helped me learn how to play the guitar and write songs. He told me how proud of me he was when I had good grades and asked me to keep it up so I could go to college after he as famous and got the money to send me. James was the one who taught me how to ice skate. He was the one who taught me how to ride a bike. Which he got me my first bike by doing what he could for extra money to buy me a bike. It was from a garage sell but I cherished it.

He taught me to swim. We may only be a year apart but it was more like we were four years apart. He was always more mature than I was. He learned things at a faster pace and he had learned things younger than I had. The guys showed him how to ice skate, swim and ride a bike. They were pretty young when they did that so he was good at it when I got old enough to want to learn. I was afraid to swim, ice skate and ride bike when I was younger but he told me he wouldn't let anything happen to me. And I learned how to do them all.

"Please James, don't leave me," I begged as I squeezed his hand a little tighter, not enough to hurt him though. I just let the tears fall. I couldn't stop them even if I wanted to.

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	25. Heaven? Or Hell?

**I know it's short but I wrote it at 5 this morning. Hopefully I get a review on this chapter. No body said anything about the last chapter. Oh well, it's not a big deal. And if you could would you please read my story Drop The World and give me some feedback on it? It is a songfic and it seems ppl don't like songfics that much but I love them so I'll continue to write them. So if you could just check it out that would be amazing. **

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine.**

**James' POV:**

_It was all dark and I was alone. I was laying on the floor and for some reason I couldn't get up. I tried and tried but nothing heppened. I continued to struggle until I heard a voice gently say to calm down. I laid back and looked around in the pitch black, hoping to see something. There was nothing. I heard the light words of comfort but couldn't make out much. I heard it say that they were going to save the boy. I then heard one that was louder saying that they were losing him. Telling someone else to hurry up because this boy wasn't going to die in his hands. _

_Who was this boy? And why was he dying? What happened to him? Who did that voice belong to? I then heard them say it was too late. I didn't understand it. The boy died? What was going on? Then they said to wait and that his heart was beating again. How did he come back to life? I guess God just wasn't ready for him yet. They went back to talking and rushing each other but I didn't understand what they were doing. My eyes couldn't see anything and then there was a bright light right over me. Trying to shine into my eyes but something was blocking it. _

_I tried to say something, anything, but it didn't work. Like my body, my mouth wouldn't work either. I wanted to ask what was going on. Why was the boy dying? What happened to him? Was he okay? Did they help him after he came back to life? Who was he? Then the voices were gone. There was no one and the light dimmed. I tried to scream for them to come back. I wanted to beg them not to leave me alone. But nothing came out. _

_It seemed like I sat in that dark room forever in the quiet. It was driving me nuts. It was so quiet but I could hear a faint beeping noise. It was very loud. Not loud enough to be the heart monitor of the boy. Was I dead was a question that kept going through my mind. This didn look or feel like Heaven. I expected Heaven to be brighter and more filled with people. Not dark and deserted. It wasn't cold though. That's what I didn't understand. It was a nice warmness. Just right. Like a blanket being placed over you. _

_It also didn't look or feel like Hell. I always imagined Hell as a horrible place. This was horrible. The silence was horrible and so was the darkness. I also imagined there would be demons around and torturing the poor souls who chose this fate. I had been taught that God doesn't send people to Hell. He gives them chances to come with him and if they don't take them then that was a personal choice. they chose not to go with God and the only other way to go would be down. _

_It wasn't Heaven or Hell. Was there a way to be stuck inbetween? A place for those who God and satan weren't sure about. They didn't know who the person belong to so they placed in a mixture of both places. The people I heard talking, were they apart of Heaven. They were helping that boy so they couldn't belong in Hell. The darkness and quiet was Hell and then voices and warmness was Heaven. They split it in a way where you got both comfort and discomfort. I wanted out of here. _

_Then there was a voice. It was a girl. She seemed upset. _

_"Why would you do this James? Please, I'm begging you to wake up. Please don't go into a coma. Be strong for me. I need you James. Don't leave me. I won't make it without you. Please, I'm begging you James," who was she? She was desprite for me to wake up. I couldn't make out her voice. I wasn't sure if I knew her or not. Who was she? Why was is so important to her that I wake up?_

_"Please don't leave me, James," she said. I knew she was crying and I wanted to tell her it was okay but I couldn't. I didn't want her to cry. It was quiet after that. Everything began to get brighter but not enough to really see anything. What I could see was a wooden floor which I was laying on. The rest was darkness. Nothing was here. What was going on? I need to get out of here. I need to find somewhere else. I was still struggling to get up but I couldn't move. My body wouldn't allow it. Wait. Was it my body or was something else holding me down? I couldn't see anything so I wasn't sure. The light was over me but I couldn't tell if something was holding me down. That scares me. _

**Told you it was short. Hope you enjoyed it anyway. Read and Review please!**


	26. Special Visit

**Okay, so who is ready for James Maslow's new movie? I sure am! The bad thing is, they don't start filming until April sometime. As far as I know James is playing a parentless teen and it's around Christmas time in the movie. It's called The Master's Tree. I can't wait! And if I'm wrong don't be mad. I read somewhere online that him and others leave an orphange or something like that. I haven't really heard much about it. If you have heard something else, please share!**

**Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine. . . . Though I wouldn't mind taking them off of Nickelodeon's hands for awhile. ;D**

**Alli's POV:**

It had been two days now and they weren't so sure James would wake up. They thought he may need another few days. The chances of him going into a coma were very low now. His heart rate was going back to normal but it was still a little abnormal. That didn't concern them as much as it had when he was first put here. I still was wanting to know why he did it. I hardly left his side when we were allowed in his room. It was usually me and one of the others in the room. At the moment it was Roy and I. We both were just sitting in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable or anything just a nice silence.

We were just sitting there when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Roy said. The door opened and there stood Kendall, I smiled and got up and walked over to him. I hugged him and he wrapped his arms tightly around.

"Roy, this is Kendall, Kendall this is our foster dad Roy." I said. Roy stood and shook Kendall's hand.

"Nice to meet you sir," Kendall said.

"Nice to meet you too. And just call me Roy," he said and Kendall nodded. "I'll leave you two to catch up."

"Okay thank you," I said and he nodded and left the room. We sat down in the chairs at the side of the bed.

"How have you been doing?" Kendall asked and I shrugged.

"Okay, I guess," I said and he nodded. "Are the others here with you?" I asked and he nodded.

"All of them. Mom, Katie, Logan and Carlos," he said and I nodded. I wanted to smile but just wasn't in the mood.

"Why did you guys come all the way out here?" I asked and he smiled a little at me. Obviously he wasn't in the moot to smile either.

"Because James is our brother and your our sister. When one of you get hurt, we're always going to be here." Kendall said and I smiled a little at him. He smiled a little also and looked at James.

"I wonder why he did it?" Kendall asked and I shrugged.

"I'm not sure, I wish I knew. If only I hadn't agreed to go out with Matt, we would had been home and he wouldn't had been alone. So whatever had happened that made him do this would had been stopped." I said and Kendall looked at me with sympathy.

"Alli, it wasn't your fault. If he hadn't shown any signs of something being wrong then how were you supposed to know it wasn't a good idea to leave him alone? I wonder if it was something that had been going on for awhile? Or was it something that just happened?" Kendall asked and I shook my head.

"I don't know, if he would just wake up we could ask him." I said and then it went back to being quiet. I was hoping he would open his eyes. They said it could be a few more days or a few more minutes. I was hoping it would be a few minutes. It was killing me having to wait to see my. I knew it was killing Kendall also. Kendall put his arm around in an attempt to comfort me. It worked a little.

"Don't worry, James is strong. He'll pull through this. I know he will," Kendall said and I nodded.

"Thanks Kendall," I said and he looked at me weird.

"For what?"

"Being there for us. We both really appreciate it," I said and his arm tightened around my shoulders.

"I'm just doing what I do for everyone I love. I'm helping you," he said and I smiled at him the best I could.

"I love you too Kendall," I said and he kissed me on top of the head. A nurse came in the room and smiled at us.

"I'm going to change James' bandages. If you would like to leave, you can but you don't have to." The nurse said and we nodded. We both decided to stay here. the nurse walked over and gently took James arm and undid the bandage around his right wrist. I watched and my breath caught in my throat when I saw the wounds that were stitched together on his wrists. They were long, red gashes and you could tell they were deep just by looking at them. Kendall rubbed my arm in an attempt to comfort again. This time it didn't work as well.

The nurse quickly cleaned the wounds and then wrapped a new bandage around hir wrist. She then moved to the other wrist and did the same to it. I wanted to look away from the wounds when they were visible but just couldn't. I found it hard to believe those wounds were there because of my brother. I had cut plenty of times and I know he used to cut but I don't think it was ever this bad. I made sure to control how deep they were. I never let them get deep enough to cause any real damage.

After she was done, she walked out of the room after offering Kendall and I a friendly smile.

"You okay?" Kendall asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said and he nodded.

"I'm going to go to the waitingroom and let one of the others come in. I'll be right out there if you need anything," he said and then got up. He left and a few minutes later Logan walked in. He paused at the door for a moment and then shut the door and walked in. I tried my best to smile at him and he did the same. He walked over and sat down where Kendall had been sitting. We just sat in silence. Neither one really knowing to say. I didn't really want to talk.

"Do you want to talk about what's on your mind? If this has effected you more than you're letting on then you need to let someone know. I'm not going to judge you or anything, so if you want you can tell me." He said and I just stared at James. Silence fell back over the room again and Logan didn't say anything more of it.

"I don't know how I feel. I feel upset, confused and worried of course. But what everyone has seen, is what is going on. I haven't figured out what to think yet." I said and he nodded.

"And there's nothing wrong with that." He said and I looked up at him.

"Really?" I asked and he nodded.

"You've been through a lot. Understanding how you're supposed to feel is a hard thing. You not knowing how to feel about this and what you think is normal. You'll figure it out eventually." Logan said and I smiled at him. I leaned over and gave him a hug. He hugged me back. After we pulled apart we just sat there mostly in silence. We shared the occasional word but nothing more than that. It was a nice silence. I was enjoying it.

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	27. Waking Up

**Here's another chapter. Thank you to everyone who reviewed/story alerted/story favorited this story. It's means a lot to me!**

**Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine. Though I wish they were!**

**Alli's POV:**

I was sitting in James' room alone at the moment. Logan was in here but he had gotten sick and was in the restroom. Carlos, Kendall, Mrs. Knight, Katie, Roy, Mary and Matt were getting some lunch since none of them had eaten breakfast. They wanted me to go with them but I said I wanted to stay with James. I have eaten maybe twice since James ended up here because I didn't want to leave incase James woke up. Logan was the only one who ate this morning, so he offered to stay with me. They allowed him to stay.

They had gone out to eat last night and he got food poisoning, that's why he's currently throwing up in the bathroom. I was worried about Logan and told him he should go back to their hotel room and get some rest but he said he was fine. I wish he would just listen and go so I don't have to worry about him. He's a typical male though and is too stubborn for his own good.

I was just sitting slumped down in the chair when James stirred in the bed. I was used to the occasional movement of a hand or foot or his head but this time he moved his whole body. He moved to lay on his side rather than his back. I sat up straight in the chair. I leaned forward and placed a hand on his upper arm and gently shook him.

"James, wake up," I said and he stirred again. I couldn't help but smile. "James, come on, time to wake up." I said and he stirred again and then his eyes fluttered open. He looked at me and then reached up to rub his eye. I smiled widely at him.

"Hey Alli," he said as if it was just a regular morning. Did he not remember what he did.

"Hi James," I said. He sat up in the bed and stretched. He tried to stretch his arms up but that caused him to pull the stitches and he flinched and dropped his hands instantly. He looked down and then gently ran his fingers over his right wrist.

"Oh," was all he said. I just stared at him. Trying to read his expression. I saw sadness, regret, worry, confusion and hurt on his face. I hated seeing that because he was always the strongest person I knew. He always stayed strong back in Minnesota. I now wonder if that was just an act. If he was really just as scared as I was.

"How are you feeling?" I asked and he looked at me.

"Okay, I guess. My wrist hurt and I feel light headed but I'm okay." He said and I nodded.

"Oh, I was supposed to get a nurse when you woke up." I said and he nodded. I got up and walked over to the door. Luckily, there was a nurse right outside the door.

"He's up," I said and she nodded. She followed me back into the room and checked what she had to. "How is he?"

"His heart rate is still a little abnormal but it's nothing too serious. Do you still feel light headed?" She asked and he nodded slightly. "Okay, that should go away in a couple hours. If it doesn't then you need to tell us." She said he nodded again. She did what else she had to do and the she left. I asked her to tell the others he was awake and she said she would. I wasn't sure who would be the first to come in and see James.

After a few minutes Mrs. Knight walked in and smiled at James.

"Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?" She asked and James seemed confused.

"I'm okay, not that I'm not happy to see you but why are you here?" He asked. She smiled at him again.

"Katie, the boys and I came out to see you and make sure everything was going okay with you. You're apart of our family, we had to be here for you." She said and James gave her a weak smile. After her, the others came in one-by-one. The last one was Logan and he asked if I wanted him to stay with us and I told him I wanted to talk to James alone and he nodded in understanding. He left, so it was just James and I in the room.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked weakly. I sat down on the chair again and looked at him. I took his hand and he gently rubbed his thumb over my hand. I wasn't sure how to start.

"Why. . . . Why did you do it?" I asked and he sighed as if he knew that's what I was going to ask.

"I just can't take it anymore. I got a letter from mom and dad. They're here," he said and my eyes widened.

"They're here?" I asked and he nodded.

"They wanted to meet with us. I didn't want to die by being killed by my own parents. I was going to kill myself to save myself. I then remembered you. I promised to protect you and by killing myself, I wasn't doing my job. I tried to stop the bleeding but I had cut really deep. I tried to get to my phone to call for help but I collasped before I got to the phone. I'm really sorry Alli," he said and I shook my head.

"Don't be sorry. I understand how you feel. There were plenty of times I wanted to kill myself but then I would think of you and I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to leave you that way. I didn't want to leave you wondering why I did it. James, we have to tell them that our parents are here," I said and he nodded.

"Go get Mrs. Knight, Roy and Mary," he said and I got up. I walked out and to the waitingroom.

"Mrs. Knight, Roy, Mary, will you guys come into the room with James and I. We need to talk to you," I said and then nodded and got up to follow me. We made our way back to the room and were stopped by a nurse.

"Only two in the room at a time please," she said.

"You don't understand, this is really, really important. Like life or death important," I said and she stared at us.

"Only for a short time," she said and I thanked her. We walked into the room and James was laying there staring at his hands.

"What do you need to talk to us about sweetie?" Mrs. Knight asked.

"Our parents are here in Montana," James explained quietly. They all froze.

"You don't worry, we'll call the police and Chile Protection Services. They'll-" Mary began but James cut her off.

"Why? So the police can be lead to another endless search for our parents? They're not going to find them. I honestly don't think they try hard enough. And if Child Protection Services get invold again, then we're just going to be sent somewhere else. We never going to get away from them. We can be sent anywhere in the world, they'll still find us." James said and everyone just stared at him.

We spent the next hour talking things over. We told the nurse that this invold their parents and possibly the police later, so she allowed everyone in the room for as long as we needed to be. We were just discussing what we wanted to do. We weren't entirely sure how to go about this. What was the safest way around this?

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	28. Coming Home

**Sorry I didn't update sooner. I had a lot to get done yesterday and it seemed once I would sit down and try to write, something would pull me away. Then today was a bad day. I tried to take pictures of my sister and it started rainning, so I get all the photography stuff together for no reason. Then it was storming so I couldn't get online. Now it's starting to storm again so I have to get offline. Anyway, thank you for the reviews and such on this story. I think there's only going to be 30 chapters, so it will be ending here soon. **

**Disclaimer: BTR and the song lyrics used in this are not mine.**

**James' POV:**

It had been a few days and I was finally going home. Mrs. Knight, Katie and the guys were going back to Los Angeles today and I was honestly ready to go back myself. I figured it didn't matter where I went but if I was going to die, I wanted it to be in Los Angeles. The place I love. Around the people I love. I love Deer Lodge and I love the people here but their' not as close to me as those in Los Angeles. They were family.

I was currently sitting in the car and Roy was driving. We were almost at the house and I was happy. I hate hospitals and being anywhere but a hospital was okay with me. I didn't want to stay in the hospital anymore. I never wanted to die in a hospital, so the few times I was in the hospital this past time, I prayed I wouldn't die there. I don't want to die in a hospital. I would rather die on the side of the street then on a hospital bed.

We got to the house and everyone else was waiting here. I got out and followed Roy to the house. I was still a little off when walking because of the blood loss and I was told to stay off my feet as much as I could. I was happy to do so. We got to the door and Roy held it open for me. I walked in and was greeted by smiles from everyone. With such a big group you would figure the house would be crowded but because of how big the house is, it wasn't crowded. That really tells you how big it is.

I walked over and sat on the couch between Alli and Carlos. That was when I noticed that Carlos wasn't wearing his helmet.

"What happened to your helmet?" I asked and Carlos seemed sad.

"I lost it and didn't have time to find it before we came out here." He said and I smiled.

"Well, you guys are going home tonight so you can look for it." I said and he brightened up. Mary and Mrs. Knight exchanged a look that I caught. I was curious what that look was supposed to mean.

"James, we meant to tell you that Child Protection Services called and they want to send you both back to Los Angeles in two days. They're going to put someone on watch continuely to protect you." Mary said. I was surprised and apparently so was Alli.

"Wow," was all I could say. I was surprised by this. I figured we would be going home but I didn't know it would be this soon.

**Two Days Later:**

_**I'm coming home, I'm coming home.**_

_**Please tell the world that I'm coming home.**_

We were packing all our stuff up. I almost had my stuff together. I packed the last few things and walked downstairs to the livingroom. I had more bags leaving than coming. I had all the things I got here. The clothes and trinkets I picked up. I was really going to miss being here. I especially was going to miss Cindy. I had taken a real liking to her.

I carried the last of my bags downstairs to the livingroom. Roy and Matt took out bags out to the truck and then came back in. I was actually sad to be leaving. One of the reasons is because I know I'm in trouble once I get back to Los Angeles. I never showed up at the place my parents wanted me and I know that made them mad. I know they're going to come after us and kill us for our disobedience. I was scared for Alli because of that. Ever since I had gotten out of the hospital, I've stayed right with Alli.

I know I'm not much protection from my father but I had to help Alli. I would tell them to kill me not her. I would do anything as long as they just let Alli go. I don't want them to hurt her ever again. I would let them kill me, bring me back to life and kill me again before I let them touch Alli. I was nervous about being back in Los Angeles because I was sure by now my parents knew we were leaving. The had their ways of figuring things out. I was beginning to wonder if they had cameras around out homes or something.

If they begin to know everything we're doing then I'm taking Alli and just leaving. Not doing anything that would set them off or where they would be able to find us. If that's what it takes, then that's what I'll do. I was being serious. I would have our names changed and move to another country just to protect my baby sister. I really didn't want to do that but I would.

Another thing I honestly wasn't looking forward to was the rehearsels. Gustavo's not happy that we lost so much rehearsel time and was going to make us make it up with long hours. So I was going to be exhausted, my voice will hurt and my body will ache but it's all worth it. I wanted to be famous and I knew a lot was going to come with doing so. I was ready for it. I still wanted to be famous and I would take the disipline I had to take to get there. This job, like most jobs, come with a lot of disipline.

We were at the airport now and getting on the plane. We had said out goodbyes to everyone. Roy, Mary, Matt, Emily and Cindy were all at the ariport to see us on. We boarded the plane and took our seats. I was by the window with Alli next to me. I heard a baby crying._ Great, this is going to one of those flights._ I couldn't help but think.

**Los Angeles, California**

We finally landed and we in the airport. We had our bags and were just looking around for Mrs. Knight, Logan or Kendall. We weren't sure which one was picking us up. Carlos doesn't have his liscense. I don't think that it be safe for Los Angeles to put him behind the wheel of a car. I looked around once more and the seen Logan waving towards us. I waved back and then started towards him with Alli right behind me.

We hugged Logan and then he took Alli's bags from her and we walked out. He asked about our flight and we told him. It wasn't a very good flight but it could had been worse. He just laughed as he unlocked the doors and put Alli's bags in the back and I did the same. he shut the trunk and then we all got in. It was the Big Time Rush-mobile. Alli didn't even bother to let me lean the seat forward. She just jumped in from the side of the car. I rolled my eyes and laughed as I sat down. Logan got in the driver's seat and we all buckled our seatbelts and Logan started the car and we made our way to the apartment.

I couldn't believe how much I had missed the warm Los Angeles air. Now that I was here, I was happy to be home. Of course a certain native american girl was on my mind but I would still stay in touch with her. My parents were the last thing on my mind at the moment. I was just happy to be home with my family. I couldn't wait to get back to the apartment. Gustavo still had Freight Train staying at the apartment. Freight Train has an apartment there now so he's there 24/7. He's usually at 2J.

Now that we're home, Gustavo's having Mrs. Knight let Freight Train stay at 2J with us. They're moving all us boys and Alli into one room. Techinically she's moving Alli and I. They got some air up mattress and put them in the guys' room and we'll be staying in there while Freight Train takes our room. We didn't mind though, we understand it's for our safety. Freight Train told Mrs. Knight that it will be like he's not even there like it has been. We all really like Freight Train and we've told him he's fine.

We were at the aparment and getting out. I grabbed my bags and Logan got Alli's, then he shut the trunk and we started inside. We got a few hellos from people in the lobby. We got on the elevator and Logan hit the button for our floor. We got off at our floor and walked to our room. Once Logan opened the door and let us in, Mrs. Knight wrapped Alli in a hug. She had been standing closer to Mrs. Knight then I was. The others came up and we all hugged and then I started towards the room to put my bags down. Logan followed with Alli's bags.

I looked around the room. It was definitly going to take some getting used to with having five teens in here. Especially since four of them are boys and one's a girl. We're probably going to drive Alli nuts. Maybe we should let her bunk with Mrs. Knight or Katie? I don't want her to fight with me and the guys all the time. I know how she gets about a messy bedroom. She hates it. Logan's the cleanest of us four. I'm second and it's a tie between Kendall and Carlos. In my opinio Carlos seems messier.

We walked back out of the room and Kendall, Alli and Carlos were talking about our stay in Montana. I walked over and got a bottle of water out of the fridge. I took a drink and then felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Mrs. Knight with a smile on her face.

"James, I know you're worried about being back here. But I promise you that you two are safe here. We'll do what we can to keep you safe. They won't touch either of you ever. Understand sweetie?" She asked and I smiled and nodded. She pulled me into a hug and I hugged her back. I was lucky to have th guys, Katie and Mrs. Knight. I knew that. They were the best family anyone could ask for.

I'm happy that the suicide attempt failed. Now seeing how much they care for me, I realize I would had hurt them a lot by killing myself. I never wanted to hurt my family. I loved them too much. I silently thanked God for saving me. If Alli and Matt hadn't come home when they did, I would had died. I know God worked it out and saved me. I was thankful for that. I was thankful for a lot of things. God gave me this family. He gave me people who really care. I was just too blind and caught up in what my parents did to realize how much I really had it made.

I had a wonderful family, amazing friends- who were family-, an amazing sister, a great career and a God who loves me. I was truly blessed and I hadn't noticed this before. I was happy I noticed now. I was happy I could truly say I was loved and know it's true for more than just my sister. I had always thought that Alli was the only person who could truly love me but now I know that's not true. I have plenty of people who love me and I love them just as much.

**The song I used lyrics from, yeah I have no clue what song that is. B/c this chapter was 'Coming Home' I kept singing that in my head over and over for some reason. So I just put it in here. I still don't know what song it is and that's the only part I know of the song. **

**Read and Review please!**


	29. How Did You Do That?

**Okay, I would have had this posted earlier but I kept erasing it and re-writing it. I was trying to find a way to get it right. So things aren't going to go how I planned and it's not going to end with 30 chapters. There will be more chapters to come. One thing, is there anyone who ISN'T in FLorida right now? EVERYBODY I know is in Florida!**

**Thank you for the reviews/story alerts/story faves! They mean a lot to me! **

**Thank you to mandamichelle for the idea for this chapter. I know you probably thought I forgot about this but I didn't I still wanted to write this and here it is. Hope you enjoy it. =)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR. . . I do have three dollars in change though! I need a LOT more before I can buy those boys. . . **

**James' POV:**

Everything had been going pretty good since we got back from Montana. I was currently sitting on the bright orange couch in 2J texting Cindy. Alli was with Carlos down at the pool pulling some stunt I was pretty sure I didn't want to know what it was. Kendall and Logan were sitting beside me ont he couch, arguing over some video game they were playing. I just laughed as I listened to their useless debating over whether or not Kendall cheated. I know he did. He always cheats.

"Who are you texting?" Logan suddenly asked, not looking away from the game.

"No one," I said and they both laughed.

"No one just smiles at their phone for no reason. Is it that Cindy girl from Montana?" Kendall asked with a teasing smile playing on his lips.

"Maybe," I said, smiling as I looked at the text she sent me. I replied and then watched what they were doing.

"Is she cute?" Kendall asked and I just stared at him.

"What?" I asked and he rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Cindy? Is she cute?" He asked again and I smiled.

"Very," I said and they both smiled and Kendall paused the game. They both turned to me.

"Well, come on, let's see her picture," Logan said and Kendall agreed. I sighed and went through the pictures on my phone and then showed them as I rolled my eyes.

"Wow, she is cute," Logan said, staring at the picture on my phone.

"I second that," Kendall said and I laughed.

"You guys have Jo and Camille remember," I said.

"Camille and I broke up, remember?" Logan said and I nodded.

"But you still like her," I said and he blushed a little.

"And Jo and I are in a rough spot right now," Kendall said and I looked at him odd.

"How come I haven't heard about this?" I asked and Kendall nodded once.

"Right, you weren't here. I caught her kissing another guy but she insists that he kissed her. I'm not sure though and since I freaked, she's ignoring me until I learn to trust her." Kendall said and I nodded. I have a feeling they won't last long but I would never tell Kendall that. I didn't want to upset him.

"That was amazing! Ya'll should had come with us!" Alli exclaimed as her and Carlos walked in the room. The guys began snickering.

"Ya'll?" Logan asked, using the best southern accent he could.

"You know, since you guys got back from Montana you two have been speaking with an accent." Kendall said and we both laughed.

"That's what happens when you're around people with accents for too long, you adapt their accents." I said and they nodded with small laughs.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Alli said as she left the room. Kendall and Logan turned their game off and switched it to the cable. There was some gun shooting show on when they switched it over.

"You know, I've never shot a gun before but I would like to learn how to. It seems fun," Kendall said and I smiled. I hadn't told them about us learning to shoot a gun.

"I bet I could hit the target on the first shot," I said and Kendall looked at me. I knew he couldn't resist a challenge.

"I highly doubt that," Kendall said and I smiled.

"You wanna test that theory?" I asked and he smiled wider.

"You are so on," Kendall said. "You guys in?" He asked, looking at Carlos and Logan. They smiled also.

"Of course," they both said at the same time. We made our way out of the door. We left a note for Alli. We didn't worry about her because Freight Train was outside our door, sitting on a chair. He stayed there even though we had invited him in several times, he just says he would rather stay there to keep a closer eye on things. We ran out the door and past Freight Train who was reading some book.

**At The Shooting Range:**

We walked in and had paid and everything and were lead back to a room with one of the workers. He gave us our goggles and ear muffs. We put our goggles on and had our ear muffs in our hands as he showed us how to use the gun. Giving us safety tips for the guns. We all listened intively as he explained. He then finished and asked if there were any questions. We all shook our head no and then he nodded and asked who was going first.

"I'm going last. You know, save the best for last," I said with a smug smirk on my face and my arms crossed.

"I wouldn't get too cocky James," Kendall said as he stepped up to the man. He handed the gun to Kendall and showed him how to hold it. The man stepped back and let Kendall shoot. Kendall took a few seconds to find his target and then shot. It hit the target but I was sure it wasn't the middle. The man hit the button to bring the target to us. We looked at the target and it hit the man drawn on it but it was his shoulder.

"Dang it!" Kendall exclaimed and the man exchanged the target for a new one. After he was done he stepped to the side. Logan stepped up to shoot next. He found his target and shot. The man brought the target to us and it had hit the paper man on the head about in the middle of his forehead. Logan seemed to not really care though and stepped aside so the man could change the target again.

Then it was Carlos' turn. He found his target and then shot and it hit at the bottom of the page about the middle of the paper man's lower abdomanol. The man changed the paper again and I walked up with the same smug smirk I had before. I put my goggles down and ajusted my ear muffs. I took the gun and aimed. It took me a few moments to find my target. I knew the others were probably expecting me to miss. I shot and then stepped aside for the man to bring the paper to us.

"Well, I think we know who won you boys' competition," the man said as he looked at the paper. It was a direct shot to the middle. I smiled at them and the guys seemed surprised. I handed the gun over to the man. The smirk still playing on my lips. They just stared at me.

"How did you do that?" Kendall asked.

"When we were in Montana, Roy taught us how to shoot a gun." I said and all their jaws dropped.

"Cheater! You're a cheater!" Logan exclaimed and I just shrugged.

"Maybe, maybe not," I said.

"You knew how to shoot a gun! That's cheating!" Carlos exclaimed.

"Oh, you'll get over it!" I said. We thanked the man and then walked out of the shooting range. We walked out to the car and decided to make our back to the hotel. We were still arguing about whether or not it was cheating that I knew how to shoot a gun. I honestly had to admit that this was the most fun I've had in awhile.

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	30. Gonna Get A Little Sideways

**Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I had church -which can take a little time to get out of the church b/c of talking to ppl-, then went grocery shopping with the family, then went on a walk with my mom and little sister and then didn't feel good so I turned in early. Anywho, enough jabbering, here you go. **

**One more thing, I don't know how long it will take to get the next chapter up b/c I'm not quite sure what I want to happen yet. I know I want them to mention their parents but I don't want to bring them into this just yet.**

**Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine. Neither are the songs used in this chapter.**

**James' POV:**

I was sitting on the couch playing a video game with Kendall and Carlos. Logan was helping Alli with a science project they got paired up to do. I was with Kendall and Carlos was with Guitar Dude. I honestly don't think the teacher paired Carlos and Guitar Dude with the right person. I honestly think they are too much a like when it comes to school. Not the brightest in the school.

"Yes! I won! In your faces!" Kendall yelled, jumping up from the couch, remote in hand.

"Ugh!" Carlos and I groaned in unisons with each other.

"Dude! That's the fourth time in a row! You seriously are cheating!" I yelled and he gave us a smug smirk.

"I'm not cheating, you two just can't play." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Whatever dude!" I yelled. "We're playing again!" I said.

"It would be my pleasure to kick your guys butt again." Kendall said in a cocky sense.

"You are _not_ going to win this time!" Carlos said and Kendall still had that smug smirk plastered to his face. _Man, I would like smack that look off is face._ I thought to mysefl as the game started. Both Carlos and I were trying as hard as we could to beat Kendall. We didn't care which one of us beat him as long as he didn't win again. And, of course, Kendall won. He jumped up off the couch again and was extremely happy about his success.

"I'm done!" I said and Carlos agreed.

"Oh, don't get mad, it's just a game." Kendall said and I sighed.

"That's what you say when you win. You would be just as upset if you had lost to a cheater." I said and he smirked again.

"I wouldn't know because it's impossible for me to lose at anything." He said and I gave him a smug look.

"Nothing?" I asked and he shook his head, that darn smirk still there. I smirked back at him.

"Need I remind you who kicked you butt at the Shooting Range?" I asked and he gave me an annoyed look.

"That doesn't count because you cheated!" He said and I smiled.

"You cheat at this," I said, pointing at the TV.

"I don't cheat!" He said and then came at me. I grabbed him and we bagen to wrestle on the floor. It was all in fun, nothing serious.

"Boys! Knock it off!" Mrs. Knight said from the kitchen. We pulled apart and we were laughing. We sat on the couch and Logan turned the TV over and a hockey game was on. We decided to watch it.

It was later that night and Mrs. Knight was doing the dishes and cleaning the rest of the kitchen. I had been in my room on the computer. I found a teen club here in Los Angeles that played country music on the weekends. I was excited and decided we were going tonight since it's friday.

"Hey, you guys up to go to a teen club tonight?" I asked as I walked into the livingroom. I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight infront of me. Alli had her head rested in Kendall's lap and her legs across Logan's lap and her feet were in Carlos' lap. She had a bowl on popcorn sitting on her stomach that they all were eating.

"Sure, why not," Kendall said and the other three agreed.

"Alli, you have to get up if we're going," Logan said, smacking her left thigh gently and playfully a couple times. She sighed and swung her feet off of them and then sat up. Her hair was a mess.

"Go get dressed and we'll go," I said and they nodded. "And Alli, run a brush through your hair a couple times." I said and she gave me a whatever look. I just laughed. I was wearing black, skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and my black leather jacket with my black Vans. My hair was perfect, of course. I sat on the couch and waited for the others.

They finally came back and Kendall was wearing a dark red shirt, black, skinny jeans, red Vans and a black leather jacket. Logan was wearing a white t-shirt with a grey and black vest over it and buttoned and black shoes. Carlos was in a blue shirt was thin, white stripes, dark blue jeans and black tennis-shoes. Alli was wearing a white shirt with a dark blue leather midriff **(1)** jacket, black, skinny jeans and black high heels. Her hair was done and looked nice and she had light make-up on.

"Ready to go?" I asked and they nodded. We all told Mrs. Knight bye and walked out the door. We would had been taking Katie out with us but given where we were going, she couldn't go. It's fifteen and up. We walked down to the car and all got in. Carlos, Kendall and Alli in the back, Logan was driving and I was in the passenger seat. We all put our seatbelts on and made our way towards the club.

Once there we walked in and the song Homewrecker by Gretchen Wilson was playing. I knew Logan, Carlos and Kendall were probably confused, given that I didn't tell them what kind of music they would be playing tonight. Alli and I smiled at each other.

"Country music? I thought this was a rock club?" Kendall said.

"They play country music on the weekends," I answered and he nodded. None of them minded country music, so it was cool. We walked over to the bar and got cokes and then looked around. There were people everywhere and they all were either talking or dancing. There were a few people sitting off by themselves and I guessed they were probably forced to come. That would be Logan if we didn't force him to come with us to the dance floor. He was always shy and uncomfortable dancing at clubs like this.

The song ended and they began to play Sideways by Dierks Bentley. I smiled at Alli. We walked out to the dance floor, catching the attention of the guys. We began to dance to it and followed what everyone else was doing which was copying the music video dance. There was also line dancing which I believe was in the music video also. We got every step right.

When the song ended we walked back over to the guys and they all seemed to be a little surpised. Both of us were smiling.

"Heck, I think we need to go to Montana to be able to keep up with you two." Logan joked. We both laughed a little.

"Come dance with us," Alli said as the song Good Time by Alan Jackson came on. The guys followed us out and we showed them the steps and they copied them. Soon they were dancing just like everyone else. This was a little different for them, given that the only dancing they've done is in the studio and the embarrassing things they call dancing when we go to teen clubs. No of us cared how we danced, the point was to have fun, right?

After the song ended we were all laughing and having a good time. We were talking, amongest ourselves and with other people. Some of the people recognized us from our first tour. It was amazing to be recognized so much in one place. We danced some more and then Kendall got a text from Mrs. Knight, telling us to come home since it was getting late. We all groaned, not wanting the fun to end but knew we had to go. Mrs. Knight can get scary when we disobey her.

We walked out and got in the car, all seated the same way we were on the ride over. When we got in, I looked at the time on the clock in the car and it read 11:58 p.m., I honestly didn't think we had been out that long. It was getting late. Our curfew is midnight on the weekends it was ten on week days. We drove back to The Palm Woods. Los Angeles was a lot different then Deer Lodge. In Deer Lodge, if you're out around ten, there's no one on the streets. Everyone has things they have to do the next morning, so they're all home and probably in bed. In Los Angeles, it's almost midnight and the streets are still crowded.

We got to The Palm Woods and got out. We made our way to our room. Once there Mrs. Knight was in the livingroom, waiting for us.

"Go on to bed kids," she said and we nodded. We said goodnight and made our way to our rooms. Us boys all got changed in our rooms and Alli took the bathroom first. Then once she was done, the rest of us took turns brushing out teeth. The we all laid down in our beds and fell asleep to the quiet of the apartment.

**(1) I think it's called a midriff. It's one of those jackets that come to the bottom of a girls breast. My friend said she thinks that what they're called but she wasn't sure. She said to put that she was wearing a boob jacket and I busted out laughing. I don't think it would be very appropriate for James to say his sister was wearing a boob jacket. After explaining that to her, we both busted out laughing and she said she definitly wouldn't want her brother to say that about her. **

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	31. Foster Kids

**Okay, so I just wanted to get another chapter up b/c I'm not sure if I'll be able to write much the next couple of days. I'll try but I make no promises. My mamaw is coming up for my older sister's 18th birthday which is wednseday. We're celebrating it today by going out to dinner and a movie and then tomorrow we're having cake and ice cream here at the house with the family. So I'll be with the family today and tomorrow. **

**Anyway, I see this chapter as important b/c of the end. **

**Diclaimer: BTR isn't mine and neither is anything else you may recognize.**

**James' POV:**

I woke up to someone shaking my shoulder and saying my name. I groaned and waved them away. I didn't want to wake up yet.

"James!" They yelled.

"What?" I yelled as I sat up to see Alli with her knee on the edge of the bed like she had been leaning over me.

"Time to get up," she said and then stood up straight. She had a smile on her face as she walked out of the room. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked around the room. I brought my hand up and rubbed the sleepy out of my eye and then sat up straight on the bed. I yawned and stretched then threw the blankets off my body before standing. I scratched my head as I made my way to my dresser. I pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans, a navy blue, long sleeved t-shirt and a pair of blue boxers. I then made my way to the bathroom.

I got in and took a short shower and got out and dried off. I wrapped the towl around my waist and brushed my teeth and put deoderant on. I then got dressed and did my hair so it was perfect. I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I grabbed my chapstick and put some on and then grabbed my phone and put it in my pocket. I walked back out and into the livingroom. That was when I noticed that the only person here was Kendall who was sitting on the couch. He was watching TV and didn't seem very interested in what was going on.

"Hey, where is everyone?" I asked as I walked to the kitchen to get something to eat.

"Alli and Carlos are at the pool, Logan is at the library and mom took Katie to another commercial audition." He said as he walked into the kitchen with me.

"Oh, why are you still here?" I asked and he smiled.

"Because you're here. I'm not going to leave you alone and remember, this is Freight Train's day off to go to his nieces wedding." He said and I nodded. _Great, I'm never going to get a single second to myself today._ I thought to myself and I couldn't help but smile a little as I got the cereal out.

"I figured you would be hanging out with Jo today." I said as I poured the cereal into a bowl.

"I wanted to but since I've been "avoiding" her," he used the little air quotes around 'avoiding'. "She thinks I'm cheating and she mad at me."

"Dude, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think it's time to let Jo go. You can find some other girl," I said and he sighed.

"I've thought about it, but I still really, really like her. I don't want to hurt her and if I leave her that's going to hurt and she's going to believe it was for another girl." He said and I nodded.

"But she'll see it wasn't for another girl when you're not with another girl." I said and he nodded a little.

"I think about it. Anyway, eat your cereal and then we can go do something." He said and I nodded. I sat at the table to finish my cereal. After I was done, I rinsed the bowl out and then put it in the dishwasher. I then walked over to the couch where Kendall was sitting. He was starting to fall asleep.

"Kendall!" I yelled and he jumped in a startled manner. He turned to glare at me and I smiled at him. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know," he said and I sighed. It was quiet between us for a few minutes before I broke the silence.

"Where do you think they are?" I asked quietly as I stared at my hands that were folded in my lap, he just stared at me.

"Who?" He asked and I looked at him.

"My parents," I said and he got a look of realization on his face.

"I don't know," he said truthfully. "But it's a good thing they're leaving you two alone." He said and I nodded.

"But I know my parents, they won't stay away for very long." I said.

"James, you have a bunch of people who are willing to protect both you and Alli. Nothing is going to hurt you two," he said and I smiled at him.

"Thanks Kendall," I said and he smiled at me.

"No problem man," he said and clapped a hand down on my shoulder and squeezed. "Okay, so what do you want to do today?"

"We could go down to the pool and see what the Carlos and Alli are doing?" I suggested and he nodded.

"Yeah, let's go," he said getting up. We walked down to the elevator and hit the button for the lobby. We got there and walked out to pool and were greeted by the sound of arguing.

". . . . Just face it Alli, all you are is a foster kid and foster kids are useless. They are always pushed aside because they're more messed up than anyone else." A girl's voice said. We both looked at each other and quickly made our way out the door. Alli was standing with Carlos by her side and a girl was standing infront of her. The girl's name was Bri and she had dirty blonde hair that came to her shoulders, tan skin, bright blue eyes and was one of the skinniest girls I had ever seen. She was an actress and she was pretty stuck up and loved putting people down.

"I'm not useless!" She yelled at Bri.

"Yes, you are. You and that brother of your's ar eboth useless. I don't see why the Knight family wants you guys. They should had left you where you belong, in a foster home where the parents teach you the way you deserve." Bri said at that point, Carlos stepped in.

"Just knock it off Bri. There's nothing wrong with her and James being foster kids." He said and Bri laughed.

"There's nothing right about them either. They're never going to find someone who loves them because no one wants something as messed up as a foster kid." Bri said. I walked over to them and Kendall was right beside me.

"Hey! Leaver her alone!" I shouted at Bri.

"Us Knight's took them in because we love them like our own family! They are our family! You don't know what they went through to get here! They would had been killed if we hadn't taken them!" Kendall yelled.

"Yeah and how exactly are foster kids supposed to be treated?" I asked as I crossed my arms.

"Like the worthless trash they are," Bri said and then the next thing I know, a fist connected with Bri's face. I looked at Alli as Bri stumbled backwards, holding her nose.

"Way to go Alli!" Carlos yelled from her side. I was a little shocked by her behavior but I understood why she did it.

"Let's go," Alli said angerily as she grabbed my arm and Carlos' arm, dragging us towards the door to the lobby. Kendall followed closely to us. All the guys were congratulating Alli on what she did. I finally gave in and told her how awesome that was. Alli was always one to stand up for herself. She told me that she got enough crap at home, she didn't need it anywhere else. I understood and agreed. We all sat on the couch in the lobby.

"What gives her the right to say things like that about me? Why do people assume that just because you're a foster kid, you're no good? People believe that because your parents were violent then you're going to be violent also." She said and Kendall looked at her with a smirk.

"I believe you were a little violent with Bri." He pointed out and she waved her hand at him.

"That doesn't count, she deserved that." Alli said and we all had to agree.

"Don't let them get to you, Alli. They have no right to say anything about either of you." Carlos said we stared at him, a little surprised that something smart came from him and it didn't involve anything about corndogs or chocolate milk.

"Carlos is right Alli. They're just looking for something to do to make themselves seem better than you. They'll take anything they can," Kendall said and I agreed with them.

"No one should ever have to deal with being put down because of their background or anything else about them." Alli said in an annoyed tone. We all agreed with her. She was right. No one should ever be put down because of their background, religious views, looks, weight, likes or brains. People don't have the right to make someone else feel bad about themselves just because they want a way to make themselves seem better.

Just because they're afraid they won't fit in doesn't mean they don't need to make everyone laugh at someone else so people think they're better. They need to realize that people aren't really their friends, they are just hanging out with them so they don't get picked on. They don't really care about them and no one can stand the way they are mean to everyone. If they really want people to respect them and be friends with them, then they need to be respectful and be a friend.

**I have a friend who is a foster kid and these are something that were said to her. And I believe that it's wrong for them to pick on her b/c of her background. And remember, if you are a bully, it's not right to do! You are NOT better than anyone else just because you have everyone afraid of you. And remember, everything you do, will come back to you. Do you want that to be good things or bad?**

**Read and Review please!**


	32. Unsettled Business

**Okay, so there's probably only going to be two chapters after this. Once those two are done, we'll see what I want to do. Thank you for the reviews/story faves/story alerts. They mean a lot to me!**

**CutiPrincess: I know! I love James in a cowboy hat! I love the episode of BTR with James and Logan in their cowboy get-ups. So cute!**

**Disclaimer: BTR doesn't belong to me. . . . . Anyone know how to change this little fact?**

**James' POV:**

I was laying on my bed, listening to my Ipod. Bri was fine, all she got was a bloody nose. I was actually proud of Alli for standing up for herself and putting Bri in her place. The guys were down at the pool with Alli, Mrs. Knight was in the other room making dinner and Katie was off doing who knows what. Half the time, I'm pretty sure we don't want to know what the youngest Knight is up to. There was a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" I asked and then the door opened and Mrs. Knight walked in.

"James, you have a phone call. It's Child Protection Services." She said and I stared at her, nervous welling up in my stomach as I thanked and took the phone. I held it up to my ear once she shut the door.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice shaking a little.

"Hello James, I believe we have some unsettled business. Why did you show up back in Montana?" The all too familiar voice said and I stayed quiet. "I see, giving me the silent treatment. Anyway, I want you and you're sister to come to the warehouse right down from Rocque Records. Don't you dare tell anyone about this and if you show up with one of your idiotic friends, then I'll kill Alli, your friends, that woman and the little girl and make you watch, then I'll kill you. Are we clear?" His mean voice said and I sighed.

"Yes," I said, quietly.

"Good, see you tomorrow at six, don't be late." And with that, the line went dead. I took a deep breath, tryingt o calm my nerves and hung the phone up. I took the phone back into the kitchen and sat it on the base.

"They want to meet me at Rocque Records tomorrow at six p.m." I said and she nodded.

"Just you?" She asked and I nodded. I wasn't going to let him hurt Alli. I would do whatever I had to do to protect her.

"Okay," she said, I knew that she knew something was up but I was just praying she wouldn't ask. I walked back to my room and and threw myself down on the bed. I put my hands over my face and rubbed. I didn't know what to do. I knew that if I go tomorrow then I'm dead and if I don't go tomorrow, I'm dead. Either way I do this, I'm not making it out alive. I laid there and then remembered something. I got up and got on my knees beside the bed and reached under to pull out an old shoe box. Inside was a gun and bullets. Roy taught me how to clean a gun, so I cleaned the gun with the cleaning stuff that was in the box. After I was done, I loaded it and then placed it back in the shoe box, making sure the safe was on.

The gun had been Mr. Knight's and Mrs. Knight kept it in her closet. I took it when I had been in the apartment alone when I wouldn't have to sneak around people. I didn't want to use it but if I had to, I would. I have a sister to take care of and things to do, I can't die right now. I know killing is against God's law but I just tried to keep in mind that he forgives all. Even the killers who have done wrong against him. Since I was already on the floor, I kneeled by the bed to pray.

_Dear Lord, please protect me tomorrow and keep Alli safe if I don't make it tomorrow. Please don't let them hurt Alli. And Lord, please forgive me for what I might end up doing. I don't want to kill anyone or hurt anyone but it's to save myself and Alli. Please forgive me for my wrongs Lord. In your son Jesus' name I pray, Amen. _ I said and then got up.

I had prayed since I got here but that was the first time since Minnesota that I prayed on my knees. I sat on the edge of the bed, the shoe box safely hidden under the bed. The last thing I would want anyone to know is that I had a gun under my bed. I don't have a liscense for a gun, so techinically it's illegal for me to have a gun. But I honestly didn't care.

**Later That Night:**

I had to make everyone believe everything was okay. I was currently sitting down to enjoy dinner with my family. I was happy and yet sad that I may no come home tomorrow. If my parents hide my body -like I'm sure they do- then they won't know what happened. They won't understand what happened and they'll spend their time looking for me in hopes of finding me alive, just to come across my body. Or come across my skeleton in a few years when I show up and some kid finds me or something.

I was happy that they didn't think anything was wrong. I was glad they seen it as a normal day. The guys and Alli knew about the meeting tomorrow but they think it's Child Protection Services. They think it's a little weird that they just want me and not Alli. I just shrugged and said I wasn't sure why but that's what they said. Also that they said it was something reguarding my parents and they thought it was best Alli didn't come. I just said I didn't know why because they didn't say. I was happy they bought it.

We finished eating and then the guys wanted to play a video game and asked if I wanted to play. I couldn't say no to them at this moment. I wanted them to remember their, possibly, last night with me as a good memory. I could be in my room mourning over the fate I may have tomorrow or I could be enjoying what time I have left with my real family. I decided with the second one, everyone benefits from it. Everyone's happy. I plan to do the same thing tomorrow, all day. That way if I die tomorrow, I'll be leaving happy memories with them and I'll die with happy memories. I'll die knowing I was loved. What more could I ask for?

It was bedtime and we were all getting ready. I really didn't want to go to bed. I didn't want this night to end. But I wasn't going to beg Mrs. Knight to let us stay up later like we used to do when we were little. I smiled at the memory of us all spending the night at Kendall's house and Mrs. Knight coming in to tell us to go to bed. We used to beg her for as long as we could to let us stay up just a little bit longer. She usually said no but, depending on the day of the week, she sometimes would let us stay up. Now I find Mrs. Knight's bedtime for us reasonable. Eleven-thirty is reasonable for seventeen and sixteen year olds.

I turned the light off and looked over to see Alli laying on her stomach on her bed, the covers thrown over her small body, her hair flared out on the pillow and her eyes closed as she tried to go to sleep. I walked over and pushed some hair out of her face and then leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead. When I pulled back, she was staring up at me with curious eyes. I smiled at her.

"What was that about?" She asked and I smiled a little wider.

"I love you Alli, you know that right?" I asked and she nodded and smiled.

"I love you too James," she said and I just stared at her for a moment and then left her to go to sleep. I laid down on my bed and got under the covers. I was afraid that something was going to go wrong and I won't make it back to them tomorrow. After I was sure Alli was asleep, I decided to write a letter to let them know that everything that happened with the phone call and to let them know I loved each of them.

I was sure Alli was asleep now and I got up and walked to our desk in the corner of the room and grabbed a pencil and a notebook. I thought about what I wanted to write and then began.

_Dear Family,_

_If you're reading this, then that means I didn't come home. I just want you to know that me not returning is my parent's fault. They were the ones who called me yesterday, not Child Protection Services. Sorry I didn't tell you. I would had but my dad threatened to kill all of you, make me watch and then kill me. I couldn't do that to all of you. I just want all of you to know how much I love you, so here it goes._

_Alli, what can I say? You're my baby sister. Nothing in this world compares to you. I love you more than anything else. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the life you deserve, not the one out parents gave us. You deserve a life where everything is okay. I know the Knight's, Logan and Carlos will take good care of you and give you this life. If they don't, you can garauntee I'll be back to haunt them into treating you right. Always remember that I love you no matter what. And please remember me. Love you Alli._

_Kendall, you're my brother. Even before Mrs. Knight adopted us, you were my brother. I love you. Thank you for your help and guidance. You've always been viewed as the leader of our little group and you always kept us from killing each other. You were always there to stop whatever stupid fights we started and make peace between us all. You kept me grounded all this time in Los Angeles. I'm sure if you weren't here, I would get a big head but you've kept that from happening. Thank you so much bro. Love you._

_Logan, you're also my brother. I know I have nothing to prove this but you are. I've always loved you like my own brother. Thank you for all the instructional time you've given me. I'm sure I wouldn't had made it to high school without your tutorring. You've always been the one to bring logic to our messed up plans. You've tried your hardest to talk us out of things to keep us from getting hurt. Although we may never listen, the important thing was that you tried. Thank you and I love you. _

_Carlos, you're also my brother. I love you just as much as I love everyone else in my little family here. You're the one who comes up with the maybe not so smart plans but they are always fun. You kept me laughing, sometimes so hard my sides hurt. You were always the one to turn to when I need someone to cheer me up. You always had a big heart and you cared so much for all of us. You tried to keep everyone happy because you hated seeing us sad. I just want to let you know that it's pretty much impossible for someone to be upset around you. Love you bro._

_Katie, you're my other sister. I watched you grow up. I was there with the Knight's the night you were born. Although I was too young to remember the events of that night, I remember seeing you in your mother's arms. You were so beautiful and tiny. Ever since the night you were born, you've been my sister also. I hope you know that we all love you and you're just as much our sister as you are Kendall's. I love you so much, Katie. Please don't ever forget that. _

_Mrs. Knight, wow, if I said everything that I was thankful for that you've done, this letter would never be finished. You've been amazing to me since I met Kendall when we were two. Actually, if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't had met Kendall. If you hadn't told Kendall to go play with me, we wouldn't had met that day at the park. Anyway, I love you like my own mom. You've always been my mom. You've treated me better than my own parents did. You and Mr. Knight always were there for me. Thank you for legally making me and Alli apart of your family. You have no idea how much that means to me. I couldn't ask for a better family then what you've given me. You're an amazing woman and I'm glad to be able to say you're my mom. Even if not by birth but by attitude and legallization, you're my mom. I love you so much and you don't know how thankful I am for everything you've ever done for me._

_Sorry that things had to end this way. Keep Big Time Rush together for me. Don't let this stop you from living the dream. I wish I could be there to make it big with you guys. I love you all more than you will ever know. Please promise me you won't forget to remember me, even if it is for just a moment. Let my memory live on. I'm sorry to say this is the end. I'm so thankful for everything you've all done for me. _

_Love you always,_

_James David Diamond_

I finished it and then put it in an envelope. I didn't seal it though, I just tucked the flap inside the rest of the envelope. I wrote the word _family_ on the envelope and then turned the desk light off. I walked over to my bed and placed the envelope under my pillow. I decided I would leave it there and tomorrow before I leave, I'll move it so it will eventually be seen by someone.

The paper was tear stained since I had been crying while writing it. I didn't care though, that just added more emotion into what I was telling them. I still had tears streaming down my face as I laid here in bed. I was thinking back on my past and it just made it worse. I thought about the good and the bad. I wasn't ready to give this all up but I wasn't ready to watch my family die either, so I had to do this. I had to man up and do this.

**Hope you enjoyed it. What do you think is going to happen to James? Do you think he'll get killed? You'll just have to wait and see. **

**Read and Review please!**


	33. Flashback On Life

**Alright, this has nothing to do with James and his parents. I just wanted to write a chapter to show James and Alli's lives bakc in Minnesota. I honestly think this is the longest chapter I've done. I'm not sure if the next chapter will be the last. I don't want to leave this story at a cliffhanger, so it more than likely won't be the last. Thank you for the reviews and such!**

**Disclaimer: Do you seriously believe a 16-year-old girl could own BTR? Didn't think so. **

**Author's POV:**

_**Meeting Kendall:**_

_It was a nice day and James Diamond along side his mother had gone out to the park. James' baby sister was in her cute pink dress with a head-band that had a pink flower on it around her head. She was in her mother's arms at the moment and was sucking on her pink pacifier. _

_"Mommy, I gonna go pway in the sandbox." Two-year-old James said and his mother nodded. James ran over to the sandbox and began digging and what-not. After a few minutes a little blonde boy walked up to him. The blonde seemed shy. _

_"Hi, I'm Kendall," the small boy said and James smiled._

_"Hi, I'm James," James said in a shy voice. "Wanna pway with me?"_

_"Sure," Kendall said as he got in the sandbox and they began playing with each other._

_"My mommy said it would be nice for me to come pway with you." Kendall said and James smiled._

_"Who is your mommy?" James asked and Kendall looked over at a woman who had red hair that was curly. He pointed at the woman._

_"Her, what about you?" Kendal asked and James pointed at his mom. A woman with light brown hair that was board straight and came just past her shoulders and had tan skin. Anyone who saw her could easily admit she was more beautiful than most women._

_"That's my mommy and the baby is my sister Allison but we call her Alli." James and Kendall smiled._

_"Can I see the baby?" Kendall asked and James' eyes lite up and he nodded eagerly. He loved showing off his little sister. The two-year-olds made their way to James' mom and Alli._

_"Mommy, this is Kendall, Kendall this is my mommy. He wants to see Alli," James explained to his mom and she smiled. She Leaned down and held her arms at an angle to show the boys Alli. The small baby who was almost one-year-old smiled at the boys behind her pacifier. She couldn't quite walk yet so she couldn't really go play with the boys. _

_"She likes you Kendall," James' mom said. The red headed woman walked over with a smile on her face._

_"I'm sorry, Is Kendall bothering you?" The woman asked and James' mom laughed._

_"Not at all, is this your son?" James' mom asked._

_"Yeah, I'm Challen Knight," Kendall's mom said._

_"I'm Robin Diamond, this is my son James and this is my daughter Alli." Robin said. "Kendall wanted to see the baby." Robin said._

_"That doesn't suprise me, Kendall loves babies. He wants a little sibling of his own and he might get one someday." Challen said and Kendall smiled up at her and then back at the baby as he gently took her tiny hand in his._

_**Meeting Carlos and Logan:**_

_It was two years after James met Kendall and it was the first day of pre-school. Both boys were shy, so this was a big step for them. They were thankful that their parents put them together. Their mothers knew that it would be a mistake to take them away from each other when they were doing something so different to both of them. They knew the first day or first few days, would be easier on the boys if they were together. _

_It was play-time in pre-school and James and Kendall were playing with building blocks when two boys walked up to them. They both had dark hair but one had dark tanned skin and the other had pale, creamy white skin. _

_"Hi, I'm Carlos and this is Logan," the dark skinned boy said. Logan seemed to be extremely shy. Carlos seemed out-going, hyper and extremely friendly._

_"Hi, I'm Kendall and this is James." Kendall said as he gave a smile to the boys. "Do you two want to pla with us?" Kendall asked and the two boys nodded. Kendall had become a little less shy over the last couple of years. His mom had made him talk to people and made him open up a little more. She didn't want him to be shy and afraid to talk to people. She read in a parenting book that, that was the best way to get them to open up. It worked out really well._

_James, on the other hand, wasn't very open. He was quiet and didn't really talk to new people. He was too shy to open up. Since Kendall was more open to new people, he had helped James make friends. He would start talking to someone and then bring James into. Or he would start playing with other kids on the playground and drag James to play with them._

_"My mommy said I'm here to learn but it seems like too much fun to be school. My cousin says he hates school but I like it." Carlos said to them as they began to build a castle out of the blocks._

_"I love school. My mom said this was going to be the best thing for me. She said I would love it since I enjoy learning at home from my parents." Logan said._

_"My mommy said that it would be good for me also but I don't want to be here. There are too many people." James said in a small voice. _

_"You're safe with me James," Kendall said and smiled at the brown haired boy who smiled back." I'm not sure what I think of this place yet. My cousin said I'll like it until I get older and get into real school, then he says I'll hate it." Kendall said. The rest of the school day, the four boys stayed with each other and that was the start of a wonderful friendship._

_**The First Of The Abuse:**_

_It was the fifth grade and James was afraid to show his parents the grade he got on his math test. It was a D- and he knew his parents wouldn't be happy. Ever since he started Kindergarden, his parents had been really stressed. They yelled at him when he got bad grades. They both were working now because they had too many bills to pay. James hated when his parents got home from work and it had been a bad day. That meant they were going to yell at him, his sister and each other. _

_He got off the bus walked to the house. He opened the door and walked inside. _

_"I'm home," his voice rang through the quiet house._

_"James, what grade did you get on your test?" Was the first question asked from his dad who was in the kitchen. James slowly dragged himself into the kitchen, test already in hand. He placed it on the table infront of his dad and waited for the yelling to start. A few moments of silence passed before his dad said something. James already knew his dad was mad._

_"Do you think this is an acceptable grade, James?" My dad asked in an angery voice. James looked at the ground and shook his head no. "You have to bring your grades up! You are not going to be a disgrace to this family for the rest of your life! Do you want to be disowned?" James' dad yelled, now standing up infront of the boy. James didn't say anything or look up. James just stared at the floor as tears filled his eyes. _

_"I'm sorry, dad," James said in a small voice. _

_"You're sorry? Of course you're sorry! You're always sorry! I'm sorry I allowed you to be put on this earth! You're nothing but a worthless piece of trash! I can't wait until you're old enough to be on your own so I can throw you out of my house! Do you realize how much I hate having you a son? You'll never actually be my son! You're too stupid to be my son!" His dad yelled and then brought his hand back and smacked the small boy across the face, making him fall to the floor. James cried out at the pain he felt and the tears were running down his face now. Both at his father's words and the fact that he hit James._

_"Get up and get out of my sight. I don't want to see you for the rest of the day. Do you understand me?" His dad asked and James didn't answer, he just stood and was about to leave when his dad grabbed his arm tightly._

_"You better answer me when I ask you a question! I said, do you understand?" His dad said and then smacked James again. James had tears streaming down his face at a fast pace._

_"Yes," James said through a choked sob. His held onto him for a moment longer, just glaring at the boy. He then shoved James forward, causing him to fall back to the floor. James quickly picked himself up and then ran up to his room. He fell on the bed and cried. After a little while, he looked in the mirror and had a bruise forming on his left cheek from where his dad had hit him twice and he had a bruise forming on his right arm from where his dad had grabbed him. His eyes were red and puffy from all the crying and his cheeks were red and tear stained with more tears falling still._

_**First Time For Alli:**_

_It had been two hours past Alli's curfew and she still hadn't shown up. James was really worried about when she got home because his dad was already pacing in the livingroom, waiting for her to walk through the door. Finally the door opened and Alli walked in. She was instantly grabbed by their dad._

_"Where have you been?" He yelled at her._

_"I got a little side-tracked, sorry." She said and their dad's face was red._

_"You're curfew is nine, it's eleven! You think you're sorry but you have no clue how sorry you'll be!" Their dad yelled and then brough his hand back and smacked the fourteen-year-old girl across the face and she cried out in pain. She would had fallen to the floor had her dad not been holding onto her. James instantly ran down the stairs and to them._

_"Don't hurt her!" James yelled in a paniced tone, holding a hand up to stop him. _

_"And what makes you think I'm going to listen to you?" Their dad asked as he looked at his son._

_"Don't hurt her, please," James said in a pleading voice. His dad smirked and then smacked Alli again and she cried out once again. James instantly jumped forward and wasn't thinking about his actions. He grabbed his dad's arm and tried to pull him away from Alli. His dad threw Alli to ground and turned to James. He instantly began hitting James and soon James was on the floor. Since he was on the floor, his dad began kicking him in the stomach and then side when James rolled onto his back to hold his aching stomach. _

_His dad finally stopped and stared down at his son on the floor. James was coughing and gasping for air. He had blood on his face and his shirt which was coming from his nose and a cut right below his left eyebrow. James was holding onto his stomach and left side. He was in so much pain but he would take all this pain to protect Alli. As long as his dad was beating on him, he would leave Alli alone. He was glad he found a way to protect Alli from their dad. But he also knew this was going to be a lot of pain on his part. _

_**Leaving For Los Angeles:**_

_James was sixteen and was about to leave for Los Angeles in the morning. Kendall had gotten the offer to go with Gustavo Rocque and told him he had to take him and his best friends and make them a band. Gustavo agreed and now the hard part came, telling his parents. He really wanted to go but he didn't want to leave Alli because he was afraid that she wouldn't be able to handle being here without him. He knew once his dad didn't have James to beat on when he was mad he would go straight for Alli. He didn't want that to happen._

_James decided he would first talk to Alli about it and see what she thought. He wanted to make sure she was okay with it before he just left her._

_"Alli, I need to talk to you," James said as he walked into his fifteen-year-old sister's room. She was laying on her bed, reading a book. James shut the door and then walked over to Alli's bed and sat down beside her._

_"What's up?" She asked as she sat up to look at him._

_"Kendall, Logan, Carlos and I went to an audition they were holding down town at the school yesterday. Gustavo Rocque was looking for a new talent to take to Los Angeles with him. We all auditioned and then everything went bad and we had security guards called on us. That's a bit of a long story and I'll tell you later. But anyway, Gustavo came to the store Kendall works at today and told him he wanted Kendall to come with him to Los Angeles tomorrow._

_"Kendall said that if he wanted him, he would have to take Carlos, Logan and I with him and make us a band. Gustavo agreed and now we're leaving in the morning for Los Angeles. I just need to ask our parents and I wanted to make sure you were okay with me leaving." James said and Alli's face lite up._

_"Of course! You have to go! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! You can't mess this!" She exclaimed, getting really excited for her brother._

_"Are sure you'll be okay? I mean, you know dad's going to get worse with you after I'm gone, right?" James asked, wanting to make sure his sister knew exactly what she was getting into by telling him to go._

_"James, I can handle dad. And I can handle mom screaming at me. Don't worry about me. I'm not going to be happy if you pass on this. And you'll regret it for the rest of your life. This is what you've been wanting and working for since you were like ten. You need to take this offer. You may not get another." Alli said and James nodded with a smile._

_"Thank Alli," he said and then hugged his little sister. _

_Later that night, both his parents were finally home. He walked into the kitchen where they were talking about work. They both looked up when he walked in but neither said anything. _

_"Mom, dad, I need to talk to you two about something. Please be understanding," James said, the last part was more to his mom then to his dad. Even though his mom yelled a lot, she was sitll more understanding. She would be more likely to let James go then his dad would._

_"What is it sweetie?" His mom asked as she sat down at the table with them. She had been cleaning the counter off. James told them the whole story about Gustavo Rocque, the audition-leaving out the security guard thing-, Gustavo coming to the store and them leaving in the morning. _

_"So can I go?" James asked, looking at his mom instead of his dad. Knowing if she said yes, then she would talk his dad into letting him go. _

_"No," his dad said simply. He looked at his mom with pleading eyes._

_"Please, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I may not get another chance to make my dream come true." James pleaded with his mom. She eventually sighed and said yes and then had an argument with his dad. They went in the other room and left James sitting at the table. He listened to them yell at each other in the other room and James was just praying that his mom would win. _

_After awhile, his mom walked in but his dad didn't. Before his mom said anything, there was the sound of the front door slamming. He knew his dad was leaving for the bar and wouldn't be home until sometime tomorrow. His mom smiled._

_"Looks like someone is going to Los Angeles." She said and he jumped up and hugged his mom, thanking her repeatedly. He then ran upstairs to tell Alli and then call the guys and let them know. He fugred the only other one who had a hard time with getting there parents to agree was Logan. His parents were always so protective of him and they had a hard time letting him leave for a few weeks for camp. They eventually gave in though and had let him go with the rest of the guys._

_After telling Alli and calling the guys, James found out that all of them were going. They were all so excited. Logan did have a hard time getting his parents to agree but they eventually did after hours of begging them. Logan didn't really think he had talent in that area but he wasn't going to turn down this opportunity to have an adventure with his best friends. They were so happy they were leaving in the morning. After they got off the phone, Kendall was going to call Gustavo and tell him he had a new band. _

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	34. What Will Happen In The End?

**There will probably be a couple more chapters after this. I want to finish The Perfect Life and I have an idea for another story and then there might be a short sequel to this, I'm not too sure yet though. I would need some ideas for it. I actually cried writing this chapter. It went in a different direction than I meant for it to but I like it and I hope you do also.**

**Thank you for the reviews/alerts/favorites**

**Disclaimer: Oh yeah, over night I raised millions of dollars, went to L.A., bought BTR and they are just chillin' in the livingroom with my little sister. . . . NOT!**

**James' POV:**

It was the next day and I had spent it with the guys, Katie and Alli. I had spent the morning with Mrs. Knight. We did all the things we loved. It was an amazing day. We were currently at our favorite ice cream place, Tasty Freeze**(1)**.

"So what's up with you being so nice today? You paid for us to go see a movie after taking us to our favorite restaruant for lunch and now you're taking us out for ice cream. Are you dying or something?" Kendall joked. _If only I could tell you buddy._ I thought to myself and then put on my best James Diamond smile.

"I'm not dying," I reassured while rolling my eyes. I just hoped that was true. "I just wanted to have a nice day off with all of you. Gustavo rarely gives us days off."

"That's probably because you guys have had like over a month off and he was ready to kill you for missing so much recording time." Katie pointed out and we all laughed._ I would had rather been killed by my boss than my dad._ I couldn't help but think. I wish I could tell them why I was doing this but I couldn't if I wanted to protect them. I loved them too much to put them in danger like that.

We were back at the apartment and Katie and Alli decided they wanted to go shoe shopping so I decided I would play a video game with the guys. We always had fun playing video games, although they often got violent. Not the games but the effects of us playing them. We usually argued or fought until one of us got hurt or Mrs. Knight broke it up between us. Usually it was Mrs. Knight yelling at us to knock it off right now.

"Take that! Yes! I have finally defeated Kendall!" I yelled as I jumped up from the couch and pumped my fist in the air.

"At least now we know which one is cheating!" Kendall yelled as he also stood up.

"I didn't cheat! I just happened to win the one time you didn't cheat!" I said and that instantly led to us arguing. Which led to us wrestling on the floor. The other two started a new game between just the two of them since we were a little busy and would be for awhile. I honestly was really going to miss this. Even though wrestling usually ended in someone getting hurt, I would still miss it. It wouldn't be right if we didn't do this at least once a week. Mrs. Knight would believe that we were sick or something if we didn't argue or fight.

"Boys! Knock it off! You're seventeen-years-old! Not seven! Now act like it!" Mrs. Knight yelled as she walked into the room through the door carryign bags of groceries. We broke apart instantly and sat back on the couch. The guys started the game over and we all played. There was no more wrestling, just the occasional arguement between two of us or all of us.

A little while later, around three, the girls came back in. We could tell they had gone to more than just a shoe store. They were carrying bags of stuff. Some frm shoe stores and some from clothing stores. They were chattering about something us guys honestly didn't care about. Katie really looked up to Alli. Alli was her role model and Alli knew that. She tried her hardest to be a role model to Katie and I believe she was doing good.

The girls walked to their seperate rooms and then I saw Katie walk to Alli's room wearing a new outfit. There was talking and laughing from mine and Alli's room.

"I'm going to make dinner early since James has that meeting at Rocque Records at the time we usually have dinner." Mrs. Knight said as she walked back into the kitchen. I was happy about that because if tonight goes bad, then at least I would have had the best homecooking you can get. My mom had always cooked dinner but it was never nearly as good as Mrs. Knight's. I used to love eating over at Kendall's back in Minnesota and was so happy that I was going to be eating Mrs. Knight's cooking every night in Los Angeles.

Mrs. Knight finally had dinner done and called us all to the table. She made steak, mashed potatoes and gravy and corn. It was delicious. I was savoring my food by eating it slowly. I knew the others were looking at me odd but I didn't really care. I wanted to savor the taste of what might be my last meal. I was glad that it was this.

**Six p.m.:**

It was almost six and Mrs. Knight was driving me to Rocque Records. There was one car here and it was Kelly's. _Great. At least the doors open._ I thought. Mrs. Knight parked and I opened the door.

"Honey, do you want me to stay here with you?" She asked and I gave her a smile.

"No, that's okay. I'll call you when we're done," I said and she nodded.

"James," she called before I shut the door.

"Yeah?" I asked, I looked back at her in the car. She gave me a smile.

"I love you sweetie," she said and I smiled and actually had to fight back tears.

"I love you too Mrs. Knight," I said and then closed the door. I took a deep breath and then walked in. I looked around and there was no sign of Kelly. She was probably in Gustavo's office which was farther into the building. I just needed to hide here until Mrs. Knight was gone, then I could walk down to the warehouse. I looked outside again and figured it had been long enough, so I walked out. I pulled my hood up on the black hoodie I was wearing. I put my hands in the kangaroo pouch pocket on the front of my hoodie as I walked.

I finally got to the warehouse and I just stood there and stared at it. I reached down and under my hoodie. I felt the cool metal of the gun under my fingers and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened the big, metal door of the warehouse and walked inside. You could tell it hadn't been used in years. It was all dark and dusty and there were just boxes and stuff piled up everywhere. There were windows that were busted and boarded up. It wasn't a friendly or cheery place. Not the place I want to die, I know that.

I continued to walk forward into the building slowly. Not sure what to do or if my parents were here.

"Close the door," I heard my dad's low voice say. I looked around for a moment and then turned around and closed the big, metal door. I turned back around and looked around the room. I couldn't see anyone here and without hearing the voice, it would appear I was alone. My eyes continued to look around the room and then they settled on a dark corner of the room.

A tall, dark figure rested in the corner and then he began to move towards me. I couldn't help but take a step back away from him. My dad's face came into view and I just stared at him. He was smiling at me and I looked around the room.

"Where's mom?" I asked and he laughed.

"She thought maybe I was taking things too far. She was going to turn herself in and then tell them my plans for tonight, so I had to get rid of her." Dad said. I couldn't help the tears the welled up in my eyes.

"You killed my mom?" I asked in a soft, sad voice. He just laughed.

"I didn't kill her, yet, that is. I'm not sure if I will or not. Depends on how she feels after tonight." He said, turning and walking towards a room. He walked inside and came back a moment later, dragging mom behind him. He had her hands tied behind her back and had a gag in her mouth. I couldn't help the tear that slipped out at the sight of my mom. My mom was never as bad as my dad and I loved her way more than I did my dad.

"She's going to watch me kill you and then she gets the option. She can die or she can help me stay out of prison." He said, looking down at mom. He looked up at me. "Where's Alli?"

"She's not here," I said quietly. "Please, don't hurt her. Hurt me but leave her and mom alone. If you want, I'll stay with you and keep you out of prison. I'll help you in anyway possible, just let mom and Alli go free. Don't hurt them," I pleaded. I really didn't want to stay with my dad and I didn't want to keep him out of prison but when it comes to other people, I'll always take their place. Especially Alli.

That was the problem with me. I used to get beat up and picked on at school because I would take it for other people. If I can help in anyway, I'm going to help. I hate seeing people upset and I hate seeing people hurt. Whether I know them or not .

"I guess I could do that," he said, looking me up and down. "I need you to prove you can do anything." He said, giving me an evil smile. I wasn't sure what he was up to but I was sure I wasn't going to like it. He pulled out a gun and held it out to me.

"Shoot her," was all he said. I looked at him with pleading, scared eyes.

"I'm not shooting my mom," I said and he laughed.

"You don't have to kill her, just shoot her in the foot or something. I need you to prove you can do it." He said and held the gun out farther towards me. I took another step back.

"I'm not doing that. I'm not hurting anyone." I said and he laughed.

"I knew you weren't man enough to do it." He said harshly. I didn't care though. I looked down into my mother pleading, watery eyes and my heart broke. This wasn't a joke, this was serious. She was really scared and she was looking to me to save her. So was Alli, Mrs. Knight, the guys and Katie. Even if they didn't know it, their lives depended on what I did at this moment. I didn't believe my dad would leave them alone. I believe he'll go after them after this. There's only one thing I can do.

He came forward after shoving my mom to the ground and laying his gun down. He grabbed me and slammed me up against the wall. I couldn't help the yelp I let out as he did this. He began punching me in the face, stomach and anywhere else his hands could reach. He threw me to the ground and began kicking me. I was thankful the gun was at my back so he couldn't see it.

After what felt like ever, he stopped. I just laid there on the floor in pain. Every inch of my body ached. I felt blood on my face and there were drops of blood on the floor and dark, wet spots on my black hoodie. I had to be strong. I couldn't give up that easily. I couldn't let him kill me and my loved ones. I had to do something. I looked around, trying to find something to distract dad long enough for me to get up and get my gun out. I saw my opportunity. The door on the side was open.

"That door is still open," I croaked out through the pain and he looked at it then at me.

"It is, isn't it? I'll just shut it and you two better stay put." He said and then started towards the door. Once his back was turned I lifted myself up on shaky, painful legs. It was very painful, but I had to do it. Once up I looked at mom. I nodded my head at dad's gun and then to the side. She used her foot to kick his gun and it went underneathe a staircase and went down a hole in the floor._ How lucky was that?_ I thought. I then slowly pulled my gun out just as dad was turning around and pointed it at him. He got an evil smile on his face and held his hands up after he seen his gun was gone. He probably thought this was his gun, given that he looked the same.

"Go ahead James, shoot me." He said and I just aimed the gun at him. My hands were shaking a lot and I couldn't help but yell at myself in my head about that. I can't shoot straight if my hands are shaking.

"Come on James, man up and shoot me." He said and I cocked my gun. I bit my lip and just stared into his dark eyes. "Just face it James, you're not a killer. You can't and won't do it," he said. I had to do this for everyone and myself. I put my finger on the trigger. My dad just smiled at me.

"Do it," he said. I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed hard. Then, there was a loud** BANG** and that was it. Then everything was quiet after the echoe died. I still didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to. I just stood there, the gun shaking in my hands and tears streaming down my cheeks. Then the sound of the gun falling out of my hands and hitting the concrete floor filled the room.

I fell to my knees as I began to sob. He was right. I'm not a killer. I looked up to see my dad on the floor in a growing pool of blood. I couldn't help but cry harder at this sight. I had, somehow, managed to get him right in his forehead. That was pure luck since I had my eyes shut. I was happy he didn't have to suffer though. I knew he would suffer after death though and I hated that. Even with everything he did to Alli and I, he didn't deserve to go to Hell. No one deserves that.

I was still crying as I got up and untied my mom's hands. She instantly wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm sorry James. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you and Alli. Please forgive me and give me another chance." She cried as she held me. This was one thing I had always wanted, to be held and comforted by my real mom. Not one of my friends' moms. I cried harder as she hugge dme tightly.

"I forgive you mom," I said softly and she leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. She was a couple inches shorter than me. "I forgive you, but I'm not going back to you. I'm staying with the Knights." I said and she nodded with a smile.

"I wouldn't dream of taking you away from them," she said and I nodded and wiped the tears from my face. I looked over at my dad as more tears fell. I slowly walked over to him and kneeled down beside him. I gently used my fingers to close his eyes.

"I'm sorry dad," I said after pulling my hand away. I just stared down at my lifeless dad as I cried.

"James, you need to call the police and an ambulance. You took a pretty bad beating from your dad," she said and I nodded. I pulled ou tmy cell phone with shaky hands and called to report it. I told them my location and what happened. After I hung up, I was surprised to see mom was still here.

"You didn't leave?" I asked and she shook her head.

"I'm not leaving, I'm going back to prison and finishing my sentence and then after I'm out, I'm going back to Minnesota." She said and I nodded. I leaned down and hugged her tightly again.

"I love you mom," I said through the sobs that shook my body.

"I love you too James," she said as her own sobs took over her body. After awhile we heard sirens and then there were police everywhere. One handcuffing mom. The paramedics were taking me out to the ambulance and I watched the best as I could as they checked my dad. I seen one shake his head and another threw a blancket over my dad, covering his head. Saying that he was, indeed, dead. I couldn't help but sob more at the fact that _I_ killed my own father. That wasn't right but I had no other way to go. I had to do to save myself and my family. In some twisted way, I did the right thing.

**(1) I don't know if anyone knows what this is but it was a real famous ice cream place when my mom was younger. We had one near us until I was like 9 or 10 and then it got turned into The Freeze. **

**Hope you enjoyed! Read and Review please!**


	35. Are We Too Late

**Okay, so I don't think I can just ends this in the next chapter. I love this story too much. I want to keep writing it. I'll just write a few more chapters and see where it goes and end it when I please. **

**Thank you all for the reviews/alerts/favorites. And to the one's who put me on their favorite authors list or their author alerts. It really means a lot to me.**

**Disclaimer: The BTR boys aren't mine. Neither are any of the other characters or anything else you recognize.**

**Alli's POV:**

I had been hanging with the guys since James left. I was kind of worried about him. What if something bad happened while he was there alone? I couldn't handle him being hurt again. I was walking out of the bedroom and over to Mrs. Knight who was cleaning up in the kitchen.

"Mrs. Knight, do you think James is okay?" I asked and she looked at me and wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm sure he's fine, honey. He'll be calling soon for me to come get him." She reassured and then kissed me on top of the head.

"Okay, I'm going to go lay down for awhile," I said and she nodded with a smile. I walked back to mine and James' bedroom. I laid down on my bed and turned my head towards James' bed. That's when I saw the corner of what looked like a white envelope. I got up and walked over to his bed. I picked it up and looked on the back. It was adressed to 'Family'. I opened it and took the folded piece of paper out of the envelope. I unfolded it and read what it said.

_Dear Family,_

_If you're reading this, then that means I didn't come home. I just want you to know that me not returning is my parent's fault. They were the ones who called me yesterday, not Child Protection Services. Sorry I didn't tell you. I would had but my dad threatened to kill all of you, make me watch and then kill me. I couldn't do that to all of you. I just want all of you to know how much I love you, so here it goes._

_Alli, what can I say? You're my baby sister. Nothing in this world compares to you. I love you more than anything else. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the life you deserve, not the one out parents gave us. You deserve a life where everything is okay. I know the Knight's, Logan and Carlos will take good care of you and give you this life. If they don't, you can garauntee I'll be back to haunt them into treating you right. Always remember that I love you no matter what. And please remember me. Love you Alli._

_Kendall, you're my brother. Even before Mrs. Knight adopted us, you were my brother. I love you. Thank you for your help and guidance. You've always been viewed as the leader of our little group and you always kept us from killing each other. You were always there to stop whatever stupid fights we started and make peace between us all. You kept me grounded all this time in Los Angeles. I'm sure if you weren't here, I would get a big head but you've kept that from happening. Thank you so much bro. Love you._

_Logan, you're also my brother. I know I have nothing to prove this but you are. I've always loved you like my own brother. Thank you for all the instructional time you've given me. I'm sure I wouldn't had made it to high school without your tutorring. You've always been the one to bring logic to our messed up plans. You've tried your hardest to talk us out of things to keep us from getting hurt. Although we may never listen, the important thing was that you tried. Thank you and I love you. _

_Carlos, you're also my brother. I love you just as much as I love everyone else in my little family here. You're the one who comes up with the maybe not so smart plans but they are always fun. You kept me laughing, sometimes so hard my sides hurt. You were always the one to turn to when I need someone to cheer me up. You always had a big heart and you cared so much for all of us. You tried to keep everyone happy because you hated seeing us sad. I just want to let you know that it's pretty much impossible for someone to be upset around you. Love you bro._

_Katie, you're my other sister. I watched you grow up. I was there with the Knight's the night you were born. Although I was too young to remember the events of that night, I remember seeing you in your mother's arms. You were so beautiful and tiny. Ever since the night you were born, you've been my sister also. I hope you know that we all love you and you're just as much our sister as you are Kendall's. I love you so much, Katie. Please don't ever forget that. _

_Mrs. Knight, wow, if I said everything that I was thankful for that you've done, this letter would never be finished. You've been amazing to me since I met Kendall when we were two. Actually, if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't had met Kendall. If you hadn't told Kendall to go play with me, we wouldn't had met that day at the park. Anyway, I love you like my own mom. You've always been my mom. You've treated me better than my own parents did. You and Mr. Knight always were there for me. Thank you for legally making me and Alli apart of your family. You have no idea how much that means to me. I couldn't ask for a better family then what you've given me. You're an amazing woman and I'm glad to be able to say you're my mom. Even if not by birth but by attitude and legallization, you're my mom. I love you so much and you don't know how thankful I am for everything you've ever done for me._

_Sorry that things had to end this way. Keep Big Time Rush together for me. Don't let this stop you from living the dream. I wish I could be there to make it big with you guys. I love you all more than you will ever know. Please promise me you won't forget to remember me, even if it is for just a moment. Let my memory live on. I'm sorry to say this is the end. I'm so thankful for everything you've all done for me. _

_Love you always,_

_James David Diamond_

The letter almost fell out of my hand. I couldn't believe what I read. James really was in trouble. I raced out of the room, tears running down my cheeks down. I ran into the kitchen and looked at Mrs. Knight like a scared child would look at their parents when discovering something horrible. She looked at me and instantly she had concerned written on her face. She came over to me.

"Alli, what's wrong?" She asked, worriedly. This got the attention of the guys and Katie who were in the livingroom. They all came into the kitchen and looked at us.

"What's going on?" Kendall asked in his protective, brotherly tone. I handed him the letter.

"Read it out loud," I told him and he did as he was told. After he read it everyone had worried expressions and no one was entirely sure what to do now.

"Come on, we're going to the studio," Mrs. Knight said, grabbing her keys off the counter. We all left the room and ran downstairs and out to the car. We all piled inside. Logan was in the passenger seat, Mrs. Knight was driving, I was sitting in the middle in the backseat, Carlos was on the left of me and Kendall was on the right with Katie in his lap. Mrs. Knight made her way to Rocque Records as quickly as possible without being at risk of being pulled over. They got there and Mrs. Knight parked.

"Kids you sat here, Kendall you come with me," Mrs. Knight said, looking back at Kendall. Kendall nodded and handed Katie over to me. I just held her on my lap until Kendall got out and then I sat her down on the seat and put my arm around her and kept her at my side. Most people wouldn't know what to do if they saw Katie like this. She was so mature for her young age of ten. But that's just it, she's _ten_, she's a still a little girl and being in a bad situation where someone she loves could get hurt is upsetting to her. She's not used to the feeling of worry and she's young, so of course she doesn't like it.

After a few minutes of sitting there Logan sighed in frustration.

"I'm going in to see if everything's okay. You guys stay here," Logan said and we all nodded. He opened the door and as soon as he stood, there was a loud **BANG**. We all jumped and had wide eyes. Katie had tears streaming down her face now and I held her tighter. I had tears in my eyes also. The only thing I could think was that someone just got killed.

Logan took off running towards the building. Carlos, Katie and I just stayed in the car. I didn't want to take Katie in because that's not something she needs to see. The weird thing is, is that it didn't sound like it came from inside. It sounded to be close but not that close.

**Logan's POV:**

"I'm going to see if everything's okay. You guys stay here," I said, looking back at them and they all nodded. I opened the door and climbed out. As soon as I stood up there was a loud **BANG** and I jumped and couldn't help the action of ducking. My eyes went wide and ran into the building. I busted through the door of Gustavo's office when I heard talking.

"Is everyone okay?" I asked, out of breath.

"Yeah, what happened?" Mrs. Knight asked and I looked around.

"Where is James?" I asked, ignoring Mrs. Knight's question.

"Kelly says he never showed up here and she's been here since four." Kendall explained and I got a paniced feeling inside me.

"If there not here then where are they?" I asked and all three of the others shook their heads.

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Kelly said and I reached up and ran a hand through my hair as I exhaled long and hard. I didn't know what to do. Where would you begin to look. Then it hit me.

"If the gun fire didn't come from in here, then where did it come from?" I asked and they looked at me.

"There was a gun fire?" Mrs. Knight asked and I nodded.

"That's why I ran in here," I said and they all made their way quickly out the door. I followed them out and we all stopped outside the door. Carlos, Alli and Katie all got out of the car. Alli had her arm around the small, crying girl. Kendall walked over and picked up Katie, placing her on his hip. She was so strong in everything else but she was still a little girl. It was hard to see her crying with her arms wrapped around Kendall's neck and her head on his shoulder. Her small shoulders shook as she cried into her brother's shoulders. Kendall was rubbing her back in a comforting way. I couldn't hear what he was saying but he was whispering things to the girl. Probably telling her it was okay.

"Where do you think the gun fire came from?" I asked, looking at all the others. We all looked around the area. Not sure where to look. Then there were police officers and two ambulances go flying by. They turned the corner and it didn't sound like the went far. We all took off in that direction. Getting in the car would take too long. Once we rounded the corner we seen the police officers and paramedics running into an old warehouse. You could easily tell it hadn't been used in years.

"You all need to stay back, someone's been shot and we're being told he's died." A police officer said, stepping infront of us and holding his hand out to stop us. We all got scared._ James is dead! We're too late!_ I screamed inside my head.

"Our friend is in there!" Carlos yelled. Tears were welling up in his eyes. Katie was crying uncontrollably in Kendall's arms. He was rocking her and rubbing her back like a mother would do a crying baby who she was trying to get to sleep.

"I'm sorry but it's not a pretty sight in there. You can't go in there." He said and then we all nodded. We had to listen. We didn't want to get in trouble with the police. After a few minutes, we saw a female police officer with blonde hair, average height and tan skin, walking out with James and Alli's mom in handcuffes. _Where's their dad?_ I thought. I was really scared. Did he run? Was James okay? What was going on in there?

After another couple minutes, a paramedic walked out. It was a male with short black hair, dark skin and was really tall. Beside him was JAMES!

"JAMES!" I yelled and he looked in our direction. His mouth dropped when he saw us. He had tears streaming down his face and I could tell he was hurt. He had blood on his face and was holding his stomach. The paramedic sat James down in the ambulance. I couldn't help it. I had to make sure James was okay. I had to comfort him. He was crying and scared and even from here I could tell.

I took off running towards James. I ignored the calls of my name from the others and the calls from the police officers to get back. I ran to James and he looked at me with surprise. He still had tears streaming down his face and was sitting there, waiting for the paramedic to come back. I gently wrapped my arms around him and he sobbed into my shirt. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. He reached up and wiped his tears away.

"H-how d-did you k-know where t-to find m-me." James asked, still crying.

"Alli found your note. James, what happened?" I asked and he looked up towards the building. I looked up also and they were rolling someone out on a stretcher and they had a blanket over the body on it. I knew that was the person who was dead because the blanket was covering the head. James let out a sob and was looking at the ground when I looked back at him.

"I-I k-killed m-my own d-dad!" He cried out through the sobbing and my mouth dropped.

"What?" I asked and his body shook with sobs. He was going to answer but a paramedic came up to us.

"I'm sorry sir, but you can't be here. I'm going to need you to go back over there with the rest of them and wait." He said and I just stared at him. I didn't want to cause trouble so I nodded. I went to turn around and leave but was stopped by James grabbing my arm.

"No! Please let him stay!" James cried out, his tears falling at a faster pace now. I looked at the paramedic with pleading eyes. It would kill me to leave James sitting here crying like this. The paradedic stared at me and then looked at James who was still sobbing and he sighed.

"Fine, you can stay," he said. He leaned closer to me and whispered. "Do you think you can get him to calm down? It's not good for him to be crying like that with his injuries." I nodded and looked back at James.

"I'll try," I whispered back and then kneeled down infront of James and looked up at him like looking at a frightened child.

"I-I killed my o-own d-dad," he sobbed out again. I rubbed his knee and then gave it a squeeze.

"James, you did the right thing. If you hadn't done that, then he would have killed you or Alli. You need to calm down James. The paramedic said with your injuries you shouldn't be like this." I said and he nodded. He started taking deep breaths in order to try to calm down. I got up and sat beside him and put my arms around him and began rubbing his back and his arm.

"Shh, James, it's okay, I'm here. It's okay," I started saying. "Just calm down," I said and he nodded. He sniffled a few times and would hiccup a couple times but other than that he was calm now after a few minutes. The paramedic came over to get his wounds dressed properly. He had James take his shirt off and I couldn't help but gasp when I saw his body. I swear there wasn't a centimeter that wasn't bruised. His entire stomach and sides were black and purple. The paramedic felt his ribs and sighed.

"I'm going to have to take you to the hospital. I think you have some broken ribs. There's definitly bad enternal bleeding that needs to be treated and I think you're going to need stitches here." The man said, pointing to a long gash on his stomach. It started right above his belly button and went up close to the bottom of his right breast. I couldn't believe how bad his injuries really were. I now know why he needed James to calm down. With his gasping for breath and shaking from the sobbing it was probably effecting his ribs.

**At The Hospital:**

After many tears and begging from James for me to not leave him, they got him in the ambulance and on his way to the hospital. I had promised him I would be waiting at the hospital for him when he got there. I kept my promise. They took James straight to the X-ray room to look at his ribs and we were waiting in the waitingroom. None of us have seen him since arriving at the hospital but we were informed that he was in good hands.

He was being treated by Dr. Hartson. Apparently he's one of the best doctors in Los Angeles and he'll take good care of James. They said nothing will keep him from helping James as much as he possible can. We were all grateful that he was taking good care of James. We were extremely worried about James. I had just seen him but I didn't want to leave him. He was so scared and trying not to cry. All I knew was that he had killed his dad. He didn't say anything more and I didn't ask since I was supposed to calm him down.

Dr. Hartson walked into the waitroom and we all stood up upon seeing him.

"How is James?" Kendall asked, caddling a sleeping Katie in his arms. It had been two hours and we weren't sure why. No one had told us what was going on. It was now a little after eight and Katie had cried herself to sleep. She was exhausted from all the crying. She tried not to, but her little body gave in and she fell asleep. Kendall hasn't put her down since he picked her up infront of Rocque Records.

Anyone could see how wonderful of a big brother he really was when they saw him with Katie. The way he talks about her to other people, you can tell her loves her. But you can never see how much he loves her or how wonderful he is to her until you see them together. His movements are gentler around her. His words are, usually, sweeter around her if he can help it. He does whatever he can to protect her. Ever since their dad died when Kendall was six and Katie was just a little baby, he's stepped up and taken care of her. He's been the father figure in her life. He protects her like a father would protect their daughter.

"James is going to be okay. He has twenty stitches on his stomach and three on his forehead, right above his right eye. He also has three broken ribs from being kicked and has some bad enternal bleeding. There's not a whole lot that can be done about that but we've done what we can. The bruising is bad all over his body. His mental health is at risk right now though. He needs to be kept calm. Please don't bring up anything about the events at the warehouse. It's best he's not reminded.

"He's under sadation right now and will be awake in a few hours. The pain is intense right now and it's best he's not awake until the pain medication takes full effect. Also we had to sadate him shortly after his arrival because he wouldn't let anyone near him and he was at risk of harming someone else or himself so we had no choice. We couldn't strap him down because we couldn't get close to him and also since we were moving him around, that wasn't a good idea." The docter explained and we all nodded.

"Can we see him?" Mrs. Knight asked.

"Of course, at anytime you'd like. There can only be two in the room at a time though please." He said. We thanked him and then he left the room. We all looked at each other and talked it over and we decided that Mrs. Knight and I should go in first. I was really nervous and I wasn't sure why. I had seen James at the worst when he had just gotten out of the warehouse. Now he was fixed up and not in pain or crying. Maybe it was the fact I don't like seeing my friends/family in a hospital bed.

**Hope you enjoyed this! I didn't intend for it to turn out this long but it did. I also didn't intend for Logan to become so protective either. **

**Read and Review please!**


	36. I'll Always Love You

**I'm not a happy camper b/c it's been so nice here and it was in the 70s and now it's freezing and there's a chance for rain/snow mix. The weather is really messed up you know it?**

**Hahaha, anywho, here's another chapter. I had a bit of trouble writing it given that I couldn't get away from my best friend for two seconds to write the last two days. Luckily he had to go to work today at 4 so I was able to get this finished after everything around the house was done.**

**Thank you for the reviews/alerts/favorites**

**Disclaimer: Do I really need to do this? By now I hope you know I don't own them. **

**Alli's POV:**

Dr. Hartson said that James would be waking up here soon. I wanted to be in the room when he woke up but Dr. Hartson said that it was best I wasn't in the room. He said I could be if I think I could handle it if James freaked when he woke up. I said I could handle it but Kendall and Logan convince me to stay out here. Kendall and Mrs. Knight were going to stay with James and would let me know when I could see him. Logan was staying with me.

Carlos and Katie were back at the apartment. We kept calling Carlos and letting him know what was going on. It was pretty much five minutes after we hung up, we would call him again. He didn't feel good and hadn't the last few days, so he wanted to stay home since he didn't feel like getting out of bed. Katie was really upset after everything and Mrs. Knight thought it was best she stayed home also. So they both were home taking care of each other. Mrs. Knight had Camille's dad checking on them every hour and making sure they were okay. I didn't understand that since we were pretty much never off the phone with Carlos or Katie unless they were sleeping or there wasn't anything to say.

Logan and I were sitting in the cafeterria. He got us both some blue jell-o. He was doing his best to keep me occupied so I didn't worry about James too much. If he just let me sit there and think, I would think about James and I would get upset. We were talking about different things. At the moment we were talking about me trying out for the girls field hockey team back in Minnesota.

"So, why didn't you ever tell us you tried out for the team?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I wanted to be able to call and tell you guys I got on the team, not that I tried out for the team. Since I didn't get on the team I didn't want to tell you I tried out." I said and he smiled at me.

"We would had been happy that you just tried out. Why didn't you make the team?" He asked and I bit my lip.

"According to the coach I was too small to make it on the team." I said and he just stared at me.

"You're not too small, I've seen girls on the team smaller than you. When did you try out?"

"Last year, shortly after you guys left for Los Angeles," I said. He had a look of disbelief on his face.

"That doesn't make sense. You were the perfect size to play. Most of the girls are smaller than you." He said and I shrugged.

"It's not a big deal. I didn't need to get on the team." I said and he smiled.

"Glad to see you're okay with not making the team." He said and I smiled. We both finished our jell-o.

"There you are," Kendall said as he walked up to us. "James woke up and he seems okay. He's upset though and crying but mom refuses to let them put him under sadation unless it is really nessesary. He's was crying a lot when I left to come find you guys." Kendall said as he stood beside the table.

"Can I see him?" I asked and he bit his lip.

**Kendall's POV:**

I was sitting in James' room with mom. It seemed we had been here too many times the last couple months. It wasn't right for someone to end up in the hospital this much. Especially at the age of seventeen and when you're not sick. James stirred on his bed, catching my attention. Mom instantly got up from her seat and went to sit on the edge of the bed. She began pushing his hair out of his face.

"James, baby, wake up." She said as she continued to softly push his hair back in the motherly way she did Katie and I when were younger and sick in bed. Come to think of it, she still does it when someone's sick in the house. It was a thing my mom did to comfort you. James' eyes slowly opened and he looked around the room. He seemed a little confused, as if he couldn't process where he was or anything.

"Where am I?" He asked and mom smiled at him.

"You're in the hospital, honey," she said and he stared at her for a moment. Then his eyes went wide and it seemed everything came back to him of what happened. His eyes filled with tears and they overflowed, running down his cheeks. Mom instantly began doing what she could to comfort him. She had one hand placed on his knee over the blanket and the other one was smoothing his hair back as she shushed him gently.

"I k-killed m-my f-father," James cried. That seemed to be something James wouldn't be able to get over. He wasn't sure if James would ever be their James again. He needed to realize it wasn't his fault it came to that. He was protecting his family. Until James was able to understand this, he was going to have a hard time.

"James, sweetie, you did what you had to do." Mom said and James just kept sobbing.

"Kendall, get the doctor," mom said and I nodded. I got up and left the room. I got the Dr. Hartson and we walked back to the room. He was checking James and James wasn't too thrilled about it. He was trying to fight Dr. Hartson and the nurses. The three male nurses in the room finally managed to hold the sobbing boy down and allow the doctor to look at him. I have no clue what the doctor was checking on James but it was still hard.

Seeing James like this was hard. Sure in the last month or so, I've seen him in pain in the hospital. Even though I've seen him look miserable, I hadn't seen him really cry. I've seen a few tears fall but they were mostly from pain. I didn't know what to do or think. This was hard to watch he was one of the strongest people I know. It was hard to see someone so strong, cry so hard. I was afraid he was going to get sick. His face was wet with tears and red from the crying.

Why was he so worked up? That was the question I wanted to know. Most people wouldn't be like this after killing the person that caused them so much pain. Most people would be relieved that, that person was gone. Why wasn't James? Why did he love the man who could had killed him? How could he be upset that low life jerk was gone?

"We need to sadate him. That's the only way to get him to calm down." Dr. Hartson said.

"No, you are not sadating him unless absolutely nessesary. I believe if we just talk to him we can get him to calm down." Mom said and the doctor just stared at her. He can't sadate James if she says no, so he has no choice. "Kendall why don't you go tell the others that he's awake." Mom said and I nodded and got up. I walked out the door and went to the waitingroom but they weren't in there. I decided to go to the small room down the hallway that had all the snack machines and drink machines in it but they weren't there either. I walked down to the cafetteria and when I walked in I saw them sitting at a table talking.

"There you are," I said as I walked up to them. "James woke up and he seems okay. He's upset though and crying but mom refuses to let them put him under sadation unless it is really nessesary. He's was crying a lot when I left to come find you guys." I said and I was sure they probably sensed the worry in my voice that I tried to hide. I didn't know what was going to happen to James and that worried me.

"Can I see him?" Alli asked and I just bit my lip. She wasn't going to like the answer.

"No, I'm sorry but it's not a good idea Alli. He's really upset and it's hard to see him like that. And until they calm him down, I highly doubt they're going to let any of us in the room. They're probably not going to let me back in the room until he's calm. I just hope they can get him calm without the sadation." I said as I sat down beside Alli. She looked down. I knew she understood why it was a good idea she didn't see him but I also knew she hated that she couldn't see her brother.

It had been two hours since I left James' room and we were in the waitingroom. A female nurse walked into the room. She had dark brown skin, silky black hair that was pulled back into a ponytail, gentle chocolate eyes and was probably an inch shorter than Alli. She appeared to only be in her earlier twenties.

"James is requesting to Alli," she said in a sweet voice and she had a smile on her face. Logan and I looked at Alli as she stood and followed the nurse out.

**Alli's POV:**

I stood up and followed the nurse out of the room. She lead me down to James' room and we stood outside the door. I turned to the nurse.

"Is he awake?" I asked and she smiled and nodded.

"Yes, he's awake and he's calm. The doctor finally got Mrs. Knight to agree to allow us to give James some medication that helps calm him. It's nothing serious it's just to help him calm down. The rest of the calming came from Mrs. Knight and himself. Just don't bring anything up about your parents or what happened. Try and keep his mind off of that." She said and I nodded.

She walked away and I looked at the door. I took a deep breath and then turned the doorknob. I walked in to see James on the hospitel bed that was leaned up so he was in a sitting position. Mrs. Knight was in the chair next to him and she had her hand on his knee. His eyes were still red from crying so much and he seemed tired. I wondered if that medication made him tired?

He smiled when he saw me and I walked the rest of the way in and shut the door behind me. I walked over to his bed and sat on the opposit side from Mrs. Knight. She had a smile on her face and I smiled at both of them.

"How you feeling big brother?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I don't feel much because of the numbing medication. And my minds a little foggy from the medication the doctor just gave me. It's hard to remember things," he said and I nodded. _So that wasn't just a calming medication._ I thought to myself and I knew Mrs. Knight had the same thought.

"I'm going to go talk to the doctor. I'll be back in a minute," she said and I smiled. By talk I was sure she meant yell. She was probably mad that they gave James a medication that did more then what they told her. I wasn't positive but I was pretty sure they can't do that. I turned my attention back to James when he placed a hand on my knee. I smiled at him and he squeezed my knee gently.

"Why didn't Kendall and Logan come with you?" He asked, so apparently he knows it's just them, Mrs. Knight and I. I figured Mrs. Knight probably told him that.

"The nurse just said that you wanted to see me, so they stayed in the waitingroom. Katie and Carlos are-" he cut me off.

"At the apartment. Mrs. Knight filled me in on what was going on." He said and I nodded. "I can't wait to get out of here. I feel like I've been here more than I've been home in the last two months." He said and I laughed a little.

"They said you can leave in like a day or two. It just depending on how you acted after you woke up after what happened at th-" I stopped myself. I'm not supposed to say anything about that to him. He just stared at me with an unreadable expression and I just waited to see what he was going to do.

"You can say warehouse. Mrs. Knight and I had a talk before you came in here and she told me I needed to calm down about it. She right, I need to understand I can't change what I did and I shouldn't beat myself up over it." He said and I smiled. I leaned forward and hugged him gently. He hugged me back.

"What I said in that letter was true. Every word of it. Alli, you mean more to me than anything else in this world. I would do anything to keep you safe. I promise that nothing will ever hurt you. I'm here no matter what. If you ever have a problem, don't be afraid to come talk to me. I promise I'll be understanding and that I'll be there for you through it all.

"I'm sorry I left you when I left for Los Angeles. I would drop all of this in the blink of an eye for you. Nothing is ever more important to me then you are. I love you so much Alli. I tried all my life to give you a better life. I did what I could to make sure you didn't get hurt by dad. That's what that was at the warehouse. I had to protect you. I couldn't let him hurt you. You have such a big life ahead of you that you deserve the chance to experienc," James said and I could tell he was fighting back tears. He held me tighter as he said those words. I had tears streaming down my face at his words.

"I love you James." I said as I hugged him tighter. He tightened his grip to match mine.

"I'll always love you Alli." He said softly and then shifted his head to kiss me on the cheek. He was rubbing my back and we just stayed there and hugged. I couldn't even begin to tell you how much this moment meant to me.

**Hope you enjoyed! Not sure how much longer this story is going to be. I'm getting ready to start a new story. Not sure when I'll have it posted. I'm not going to really get into writing it until this story is done. And to those who have read The Perfect Life, I'm stuck and need some help on it. If you have any ideas let me know please! I want to finish it soon so there probably won't be many more chapters of it.**

**Now that I'm done boring you.**

**Read and Review please!**


	37. James' Mental Health

**Here's another chapter. I feel this story is going to go on for a very long time. I keep adding things to it, like this chapter wasn't supposed to be this way but this was how it came out and I liked it. This garauntees you more chapters. **

**Thank you for all the reviews/alerts/favorites! And also a few ppl added me to their favorite authors/ author alert list! Thank you so much for this! I'm glad you like my writing that much!**

**Sarah -who left me an anonymous review-, I think it's wonderful you're going to start writing! I'm so glad I inspired you to write! Is your story going to be a BTR story? If so are you going to get an account here on FF and post it? If you do, you'll have to tell me your username b/c I would love to read your story. And remember, if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to at first, you can always erase something and do it a different way. And as you get more experience with writing, you'll like your writing a lot more. I didn't like my writing at first but now I believe I am good at writing. You will feel the same way eventually. If you have any questions about something or you want some help with something, you can ask me if you would like. =)**

**Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine. **

**(I really need to stop making my A/Ns so long.)**

**James' POV:**

Alli was siiting on the edge of my bed. It had been two days after I ended up here and they still wouldn't let me go. They said they wanted to keep an eye on me because of my mental health. They don't think that it would be good to let me leave just yet. I still broke down and sobbed at times when I had flashbacks or when I had a dream about what happened at the warehouse.

There was a soft knock on the door and I told them to come in and the door opened. Jacob walked in and his gazed rested on Alli, he had shock in his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't know Alli was still in here. I can come back," he said and I shook my head.

"No, that's fine," I said and he stared at Alli for a moment as if he wasn't positive. He soon nodded and walked into the room. He sat in one of the chairs and looked between the two of us.

"James, I would like you to take a look at this," Jacob said as he handed me a pamplet. I looked at him confused but took it anyway.

"Springdale Hospital?" I said as I read the words on the front of the pamplet out loud. He just looked at me, his facial features urging me to conitnue reading. I opened the pamplet and read what it said on the inside.

"Wait, this is a _mental_ hospital. Why are you giving this to me?" I asked even though I was pretty sure what was going on.

"James you need professional help with this and this is the only way for you to get it." Jacob said in a serious tone.

"What? I'm not crazy! I can just start coming back to you and I'll get all the help I need! I'm not crazy and I'm not going to kill myself or anything! I don't need to go to a _mental_ hospital!" I said. I couldn't believe this.

"James, we don't think you're crazy and we don't believe you'll try and kill yourself again. But you need special help that I can't give you. You'll only be there for two weeks tops. No more than that. I'll be visiting you daily and sitting in on some of your sessions. It's just something that needs to be done, James. It's really not your decision since your under eighteen, it's Mrs. Knight's. But she thought it would be best if I gave you the pamplet and talked to you about in a professional way first." Jacob said.

I still wasn't happy but I understood them wanting me to go.

"I don't want to go," I said he sighed. He said something I didn't quite catch before he got up and walked out of the room.

"James, I agree with them. You should go. Then you won't wake up from these dreams and sob and you won't just break down when you were fine two seconds ago. I think it would be best for you." Alli said and I just stared at her. She was making this really hard. I couldn't believe they wanted to put me in a _mental_ hospital. The door opened again and Mrs. Knight walked in with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"I'm not going," I said before she had a chance to say anything. Her smile fell and she sighed and sat down on the chair Jacob had been sitting on. She stared at the ground for a moment and then looked at me.

"James, don't put up a fight. It's not going to be real long and it's just for reassurance. For all of us. It's going to be a good thing for you James. Just go for one week and we'll where that goes. If it's goes well and you want to, you can stay the second week. If not then Jacob can sign your papers and get you released to him and I." She said. I was going to say something but I thought about the last thing she said.

"What do you mean, to you and him?" I asked and she smiled.

"For you to go home with me and for you to get professional help from him. since he'll be signing as your counseller so he can be in your sessions and see your progress, when you are discharged, you'll continue talking to him. It will be every day for two weeks, then three times a week for three weeks and the once a week for four weeks and then you won't have to go back for one month. Then it will just be once a month for six months.

"It's just to see how progress goes without the help. After the six months are up, if you did well and Jacob doesn't seem the need for you to come anymore, you won't ever have to go back." Mrs. Knight said and I just stared at her. I really didn't want to fight them but I didn't want to go either. I knew this wasn't going to end until they got their way or they just got so mad at me they gave up. I sighed deeply and looked at Alli and then at Mrs. Knight.

"I'll go for one week. _Only_ one week and see what happens." I finally gave in. Mrs. Knight smiled and came forward to hug me.

"I'll tell Jacob so we can get the papers filled out," she said.

"Wait, when am I leaving?" I asked and she turned to me.

"Sunday," she said and I sighed. I didn't want to leave that soon. That was three days from now.

"Do I get to go home over the weekend?" I asked and she gave me a sympathetic smile and I knew what her answer was going to be.

"Honey, I don't know. It's depends on what Dr. Hartson and Jacob think is best." She said and I nodded. I wasn't happy about this at all. I didn't want to go to a mental hospital and I didn't want to spend the weekend in a medical hospital. I crossed my arms and looked at Alli. She had a sympathetic look on her face.

"James, I know you don't want to go but please try and make progress. Don't just push them away. They're there to help you, not judge you. No one thinks you're crazy and no one ever will. Please don't fight them, for me?" She asked and I stared at her for a moment and then sighed.

"Fine, I wont't fight them. I'll try my hardest to make the best progress. But after this one week, I'm coming home." I said sternly and she just laughed a little.

"We'll see," she said and I sighed again. This was not going to be fun and I knew it. I didn't want to put in a mental hospital. I have to make sure Gustavo doesn't let anyone know about it. I don't want my fans thinking I'm some psychopath who needs to be put in a mental hospital to keep from hurting myself. I was sure he probably wouldn't be thrilled about this but he wouldn't let anyone know. He has done so well to keep BTR's reputation the same. He just told them that one of us were having family troubles and that we were taking a short break. I was thankful for that.

It was sunday and I was being discharged from the medical hospital and taken to the mental hospital. I wasn't thrilled about it but I learned that it's better than a medical hospitla. I'll have a nice room with a real bed, closet and dresser and I'll have a roommate. They try to put you with someone you can relate to. My roommate's name is Branson. I don't know how I relate to him because they can't tell me that. They can't tell any personal information that can harm our "bonding" as they put it.

I had all my stuff from the hospital, the flowers and teddy bear sent from Kelly and Gustavo -even though I knew Gustavo had nothing to do with it-, the cards, bracelets and small stuffed animals from fans who knew I was here -that was leaked somehow and we're not sure how-, the stuffed dog from Logan, the stuffed monkey from Kendall, the huge box of different kinds of candy from Carlos, the card and stuffed teddy bear from Alli and the card and stuffed frog from Mrs. Knight.

Mrs. Knight packed the other things from home for me to take with me. They were already in the car and Kendall was currently carrying down the last of my things from my hospital stay as I got dressed. I was just wearing a pair of black faded jeans, a black t-shirt, my black vans and my dog-tags necklace. I did my hair the best I could given that I didn't have my hair care products with me and they wouldn't be going with me. I wasn't happy about that.

I sat there on the bed waiting for them to tell me I can go. Mrs. Knight was dealing with the discharge papers which won't take long. Just then Mrs. Knight walked into the room with a smile on her face.

"Let's go sweetie," she said and I nodded. I stood up and we walked out of the room. I was tired, so I was pretty quiet. They had given me more medication to calm me. It was a different medication than the first one they gave me. Mrs. Knight demanded to know everything this medication would do to me. Not including the side effects, it calms me and makes me sleepy. The side effects may include itchy eyes, headaches, vomitting and irritated throat. So far the only only one I had was vomitting. The others woulnd't happen because I won't be on any medication at the mental hospital.

Jacob wants the progress to be real progress, not medication forced progress. So I was pretty sure I wouldn't be given any medication there. Also Mrs. Knight didn't want me to become addicted to any medications that would take a lot of extra work to get over. I didn't want to become addicted to anything also. Jacob said that the progress would be harder without the calming medication and I was going to cry and have break downs a lot. He said the only time they were allowed to give me medication was if it became too much for me to handle and I absolutely needed it. Or if I was having an emotional break down.

We were in the car, on our way to the hospital. Alli and Kendall were the only two who came with us. Mrs. Knight was driving, Kendall was in the passenger seat, I was sitting behind Mrs. Knight and Alli was behind Kendall. I was staring out the window, obviously not pleased with where I was going.

"Cheer up, please James?" Alli said in a pleading voice.

"I can't cheer up! I'm being sent to a _mental hospital_! How can I be happy when I'm going there?" I asked, my voice rising more than I meant for it to.

"James, it's just for one week. If you still want to come home, then it will be over before you know it." Kendall said.

"I won't change my mind. As soon as sunday comes, I'm out of there," I said and Kendall shook his head and even though his head was turned so I couldn't see his face, I knew he was rolling his eyes.

"You don't know that," Kendall said. Yep, he had rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I do," I said and he just shook his head again. Silence fell over everyone in the car as we conitnued the hour and half drive to the hospital. Jacob didn't say 'hospital' he said 'Springdale'. He thinks it made it sound better. Everytime I hear Springdale I also think of a hospital. Springdale Hospital. It's not a pleasant thought to anyone. No one should be in a hospital this much. I hated that I was staying in a hospital and I couldn't say it enough.

We pulled up to a tall, tan, brick building that had bushes and trees all over the place in the front. There were a bunch of windows that were lined perfectly from each other. There were a few plants and such in some of the windows, others were open and some had blinds down on them. There were some wooden benches around the building, a sidewalk infront of it and it went off and lead to the building. There was a wide, stone staircase that lead to the double glass doors of the building. It seemed nice enough from the outside.

Mrs. Knight parked and we got out. Jacob was already here, so we just had to find him which shouldn't be too hard since he's waiting for us. We began walking up to the building after getting my bags. We got there and Kendall held the door open for everyone. No one had said anything since the conversation in the car. It was kind of a nice silence over everyone. I don't know how they felt but it was nice to me because I didn't have to argue with anyone.

We walked in and were greeted by Jacob who had the others stay in the hallway and sit on the old, wooden benches there. He had me sit the bag I was holding down beside them. He then lead me to a room. He opened the wooden door and we walked in to see a middle aged woman with brown, graying hair that pulled back into a bun, she was pale and wore glasses. She was sitting at a desk in the room and smiled when we walked in.

"James, this is Mrs. Perry, Mrs. Perry, this is James," Jacob said.

"Hi James, why don't you take a seat and we'll talk a little." She said, gesturing to the chairs across the desk from her. I sat in one of the chairs and Jacob sat in the other.

"What are we going to talk about?" I asked and she still had that gentle smile on her face.

"I'm here to make sure you know we are here to help you. Jacob said that you were uncomfortable to come here because you think we think you're crazy. That's not the case James. We're here for your health. There's nothing to be embarrassed about for getting professional help. This is a program that's here to help you get over something that happened. We won't ever judge you by what you say here. It's important that you open up and tell us how you feel about what happened. We can't make progress if you don't tell us how you feel.

"You will be having group sessions, one-on-one sessions and sessions in your room with your roommate. Jacob will be sitting in on the sessions in your room and a few in the group. Then saturday, you will have a session with Jacob to talk about how you feel and what you feel you made progress on over the week. Then you can have family come in and talk to you about everything and see if your guardian thinks it would be best for you to stay here longer. The session with your family can be at the same time as it is with Jacob or it can be seperate, it's up to you of what you want to do.

"We have rules that you must follow. Lights are out at ten, no later. You will be waking up at six and your first session of the day is at seven. You may go outside and walk around the grounds or if you want exercise you can jog on the sidewalk that goes around the grounds. We ask that you don't leave the grounds though and you must tell someone before leaving the building. After you go outside, you will be monitored to make sure you don't do anything you're not supposed to or you don't leave the grounds.

"There is no fighting here. You are supposed to be supportive of each other as you go through the program. Everyone here has a different problem. No one is better than someone else. You are not to make remarks about someone else's problems. If you can relate to someone, we ask that you talk to that person so that you both can work through your problems together. Basically, be encouraging, not discouraging.

"If you need anything at all or need to talk about something you can ask someone for help. Don't be shy. Talking is the way to work through your problems. If you are in a group session and you wish to talk in private with someone, just tell the leader of your group and he or she will get someone for you. If there is a certain person you want to talk to, just say so and they will request the person be brought to you.

"Are there any questions?" She asked and I thought about it and then shook my head.

"No ma'am," I said and she smiled. She grabbed some papers and handed them to me.

"These are you schedules, rooms, rules and the names of the people who work here. Everyone who works here wears a name tag so you can learn their name easily and remember it easier." She said and I nodded.

"Thank you," I said and she smiled again.

"Welcome to Springdale," she said in a sweet voice. Jacob and I walked out of the room and out to the others. Jacob was taking us up to my room to get settled in and meet my roommate. I was hoping this place wouldn't be so bad.

**Hope you enjoyed! Like I said, I didn't mean for it to go this way. I didn't want to put James in a mental hospital but it just came out that way. Oh well, I like it.**

**Read and Review please!**


	38. I Hate This Place

**Not much I can really say about this chapter. I honestly think it's sad in my opinion. I don't know if you will or not. But from a personal experiance with my cousin, this is sad to me. And also if you haven't already, could you read my other story She Drives Me Nuts? I just posted the first chapter last night. **

**Thank you everyone for the reviews/alerts/favorites! They mean a lot. And to those who have put me on their favorite author/author alert list thank you!**

**Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine! :'(**

**James' POV:**

We walked into my room and there was a guy around my age sitting on one of the two beds in the room. He was sitting with his legs out infront of him and leaning back against the headboard. He was reading some magazine I didn't recognize. He didn't seem too interested in it though. He had black, shaggy hair, his lip was pierced in the right corner, his skin was a healthy tan color and he was wearing a white t-shirt, black faded and torn jeans and white socks. He looked up at us and his eyes were a bright green color.

"Hey, you must be James," he said, throwing the magazine to the side, seeming to be eager to do anything but reading that magazine. He seemed happy and friendly. He stood up off the bed, sticking his hand out.

"I'm Eric," he said and I smiled and shook his hand. "Just put your bags over there, obviously, and make yourself at home." He said in a friendly manner. The room wasn't te biggest, it was about the size of a room in a Holiday Inn. The carpet was a cream color, the walls were white, there was a TV sitting on a TV stand at the foot of the beds. There were two bedside tables beside the two beds. The nightstand I would claim as mine was inbetween the bed and the wall on the right side of the bed. Eric's table was on the left side of his bed.

The beds were big enough for one person, the sheets were white, the comforter was a tannish color and the pillows were just white. There were two closets. One at the foot of my bed and one on the otherside of Eric's bed beside his nightstand. I sat my bags down on the bed and Kendall sat the ones down that he had been holding. Eric seemed uncomfortable with so many people in this room. It was a bit crowded with us all in here.

"Eric, this is Kendall, Alli and Mrs. Knight. You just met James and you already know me." Jacob said and Eric nodded. "Okay, well, Mrs. Knight, Alli, Kendall, we need to go and let them get to know each other." Jacob said. The others walked over to say goodbye.

"Bye James," Mrs. Knight said as she hugged me tightly.

"Bye Mrs. Knight," I said. She pulled back and kissed me on the cheek before completely letting me go.

"Bye bro," Kendall said as he hugged me. It wasn't one of those 'guy hugs', it was a real hug.

"Bye bro," I said. He pulled back a few moments later.

"Bye James," Alli says as tears stream down her face. I smile.

"Oh Alli," I said as I pulled her into a tight hug. I kissed her on top of the head. "I love you," I said.

"I love you too," she said and then sniffled. We hugged for a few minutes before we pulled away. Everyone was staring at us. Everyone but Eric was smiling. Jacob said bye to me and then lead the others out of the room. I was sad not to have any of them with me. I wouldn't have them until saturday. After they were gone, I turned to Eric. He was looking at the ground. I walked over and sat on my bed.

"You can put your clothes in that closet, if you want. Jacob said you weren't staying very long," Eric said and I nodded.

"Only until sunday," I said and he nodded. "How long are you here for?"

"I've been here three months and this sunday is the day of truth." He said and I looked at him odd. "My therapist and my parents decide if I can go home or if I have to stay longer." He explained quickly and I nodded with a look of realization on my face.

"Hopefully you will get out of here," I said and he smiled.

"I'm hoping," he said and I smiled back.

It had been two days since I've been here and nothing was going good. The people here weren't supposed to judge and that seems like all they do. I didn't like them at all. The sessions weren't really helping because I didn't want to open up to these people at all. I didn't want to give them more reasons to judge me. I decided I would just put on an act for Jacob and the family saturday and get them to let me go home. I really hated it here and I didn't want to stay longer.

"Okay, James, would you like to share anything?" Matthew, my group conseller asked. I just looked at him and then the others. We were talking about suicide and if we had ever thought about it or attempted it. I decided I would try and make some kind of progress so I wasn't entirely lying to Jacob and the family.

"I thought about it a lot going through everything and I used to cut. My little sister cut also and I stopped because of her. Then because of my parents, I was sent to Deer Lodge, Montana with my sister to be protected. Our parents found us, I freaked and cut my wrist really deep. I tried to kill myself because I thought I couldn't handle it anymore. Then I thought about my little sister and knew I couldn't leave her. I had to protect her so I couldn't die.

"I tried to get to my phone which was in the livingroom and I had been in the bathroom. I passed out before I got to it though and then my sister and Matt, the son of the people we were staying with, cam in and found me there on the floor. I can't even begin to imagine how that must had felt for her to see me lying in a pool of my own blood." I said as tears began to roll down my face. I was looking at the floor, not daring to look at anyone. I didn't want to see there judging looks. I didn't want to be judge by people who don't anything about me or what I felt or went through. They had no right.

No one really said anything about what I had said and I hadn't looked up since I had began speaking. The session was over and we had a thirty minute break before our next session. I wasn't looking forward to it. It was the one in my room with Eric. Eric was a nice guy but he didn't really talk and it was a bit awkward being around him. He was here because he had freaked and tried to kill his brother and then tried to kill himself after realizing what he had done.

He caused his brother to have to get thirty-four stitches on his chest from where Eric had cut him with a knife when trying to stab him. After his brother screamed in pain and Eric had seen the blood and the terrified look on his fourteen-year-old brothers face, he ran. They found him bleeding on the side of the road. He had slit his wrist as deep as he could and when they got him to the hospital, he only had a ten percent chance of living.

Eric had said that when he wakes up after having a nightmare of what he did to his brother, he wishes he hadn't been so lucky. He wishes he had died on the side of the road like he deserved. He said he didn't deserve to live after what he did to someone as innocent as his brother. That was why he agreed to come. We had a good bit in common with each other but we just didn't talk.

We were both here because of our siblings. We both had tried to kill ourselves by slitting our wrist. Neither of us should be alive after slitting our wristes. He only had a ten percent chance of survival. I had a fifty percent chance. The doctor had told them that, even though that sounds good, it really wasn't. Because there was also that fifty percent chance I wouldn't make it. I was grateful I made it.

I had learned the Eric felt the same way I did. He felt that they were judging him left and right. Or at least, at first he did. He said that now he believes they are really here for him and not to feel like they are judging me. He said he was told it was just an insecurity thing. That he felt insecure about being there and it was a mental thing to believe he was being judged. He thinks that I'll be like that and he hopes that I'll realize they're trying to help me before I leave here. I wasn't sure I would. I hate this place so much and I'm just ready to get out of here.

It was wednesday, I have been here for three days. Nothing was different so far. I still hate it here. I wasn't making any progress. I would have nightmares and freak out and break down crying. I hated it. I was strapped down to my bed last night. I hate being held down, so honestly, that just made it worse. But they didn't seem to care at all about that. I hated the fact that they would just strap you down since they can't give you medication. They don't care if you don't want to be strapped down.

I had been tied down by my dad once when I was twelve and beat severely. Ever since then, I don't like to be tied down or held down. It scares me and although people may not understand that, it's true. Yes, I know they're not going to strap me to the bed and beat me. But I have flashbacks of dad doing it to me when I was younger and I get scared.

"James, theres someone here to talk to you," one of the female nurses said as she walked in. I nodded and she walked over to the door and opened it. I was currently sitting on my bed since I had a twenty minute break until group session. A tall man with brown hair the same color as mine, tanned skin and dark eyes walked. He looked exactly like my dad. My eyes got wide because I instantly saw my dad's hard, angery face coming towards me. I started to back towards the headboard as far as I could and tears began to form.

I instantly began sobbing and the nurse and the man ran over and tried to hold me down. All I saw though was the man holding me down. I heard my father means voice yelling at me about what I did. Telling me I would pay. I started fighting them and trying to get away from them. I heard yelling but didn't understand what was being said. I heard my heart beat in my ears and that was about it. Everything else seemed so far away from me and I was scared. I continued to fight the best I could.

Then more people came into the room and started grabbing my arms and strapping me to the bed. I was sobbing and begging them to let me go and not to do this. I was beyond terrified. I continued to struggle and fight against the straps. I wasn't giving up because I wasn't going to be beat for what I did. I couldn't take it. I then felt a stinging in my left arm and I screamed, not knowing what it was. It only lasted for a moment and then it was gone and there was just a light sting there.

I soon found myself growing calmer and getting sleepy. I stopped fighting agaisnt the straps since I didn't have the energy all of a sudden. I just laid there and sobbed. I soon found my vision going blurry and then everything just went black.

**Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought of this chapter. **

**Read and Review please!**


	39. Progress?

**Sorry this chapter is so short. I wasn't entirely sure what to do for it. James will be getting out of the mental hospital soon. Maybe in the next chapter. I'm going to try and end this soon. I want James to get home and their might be a time skip. **

**Who all is upset that Big Time Rush didn't win any awards last night at the KCA's? I wasn't happy at all! Can't wait for the new episode of BTR to see them battle the girl band! It's going to be awesome!**

**Thank you for the reviews/alerts/favorites! They mean a lot and to those who have put me on their favorite author/author alert lists! It means a lot!**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine and neiter is anything else you may recognize. **

**James' POV:**

It was thursday and I had one hour to have visiters. Mrs. Knight, Carlos, Kendall, Logan and Alli were coming to visit. I was happy I could see them. I hadn't been told that I could see them today until about an hour ago. I was currently in single session with a therapist named Kevin Rayne. Dr. Rayne was the one who looked like my dad. He was the one who had caused me to freak out. I couldn't help but wonder if the medication they gave me was approved by either Mrs. Knight or Jacob. Because when I was put here, it was said that they had to check with one of them before giving me anything. I highly doubt that was supposed to be given to me.

"Okay James, why does your dad's death bother you so much?" Dr. Rayne asked in sort of a bored voice. That was the only problem about him, he didn't seem like he wanted to do this. And also that he didn't care about what you had to say. I didn't like a single therapist here. None of them were actually interested in what I had to say. None of them seemed to care about what I thought or how I felt.

"I already told you, the fact that I killed my own father was what bothered me. I'm only seventeen and I _killed_ my _own_ father. Wouldn't that upset you?" I asked, clearly getting annoyed now because of how many times I've been asked why it bothers me. Do they not realize that I'm only seventeen? Wouldn't they had been upset if they killed their father at seventeen?

"I suppose, but you need to understand that it had to be done. You were protecting youself and your family. I think if my dad had put me through all that, I wouldn't be upset when he died." He said bluntly. I just stared at him. I was so mad. No one knew what I was going through so no one could tell me how to feel. Sure my dad was a horrible person but I didn't want to kill him. I didn't want to hurt any one. I can't handle the fact that _I killed someone_.

"Okay, session over, you may go back to your room." Dr. Rayne said and I jumped up and walked out of the room without another word. I went to my room and walked straight to my bed. I laid down and looked around the room. It was so quiet here. I missed the loudness and business of 2J. I used to complain about never getting two seconds to myself and two seconds of quiet. The only time it had ever been quiet is when everyone is asleep but then I'm too tired to stay up to get some alone time. Now I miss it. I never realized how much I loved that until I got here where it's so quiet.

Even in Deer Lodge with the Williamsons it was a bit louder than most households. Back in Minnesota, I loved being at the other guys' houses because it was so much more lively there. They all had parents who were fun and exciting. My parents got mad and yelled when Alli and I got too loud. I had told the guys that my dad didn't like the house to be crowded and that he didn't like a bunch of loud kids in the house, so that was why they couldn't come over. The only time they had ever seen my home was on my birthday for the hour or two that people were there. My parents always set a time limit for people at the house.

It was finally time for the others to get here and I was so excited. I had a room that I had to go to for visitors. I was currently waiting in the room for the others to get here. I was happy I was going to see them today because I didn't think I could wait until sunday to really see and talk to someone I actually like. I don't get to see Jacob much and when I do see him, I don't ever get to talk to him.

They let the first two people in which was Alli and Logan. They were both all smiles. I jumped up and ran over to them. I hugged Alli tightly first and then hugged Logan. We all walked over to the table that was in the room and sat down. I felt more like I was in prison and had a visitor with the way this room was. The walls were grey, the floor was concrete, the table was a silver, metal table and the chairs were silver, metal chairs.

"So how have things been going?" Logan asked and I sighed.

"I hate it here," I said simply. They say they don't judge but that seems to be all they do." I said and they both seemed to be sympathetic.

"Well, you'll be out of here in a few days," Logan said and I just shrugged.

"I can't wait, I wish I had never agreed to come here. What's been going on with at The Palm Woods?" I asked, wanting to talk about anything but this place.

"Nothing much," Logan said with a smirk on his face. "Alli here got a date for tomorrow night," Logan said, gently elbowing Alli in the side.

"Seriously? Who is he?" I asked with a small smirk on my face.

"His name is Mason and he's new at The Palm Woods. And it's not a date, I'm just hanging out with him tomorrow. He just moved in and doesn't know anyone else beside me and now these three." Alli said and I got a serious look on my face.

"Well, you tell that boy that you've got an older brother and if he doesn't keep his hands to himself he'll have to deal with me." I said and she laughed and rolled her eyes.

"You have nothing to worry about," she said and I just smiled.

"I better not," I said. We talked a little more and then I got to see Carlos and Katie and then Mrs. Knight and Kendall. I didn't want to see them leave but I knew they had to leave. I only had one hour for visitors today. I would see them saturday though. I hope I can hold off until then to see them.

**Hope you enjoyed! The next chapter will have a very angery Mama Knight in it =) **

**Read and Review please!**


	40. Staying? Or Leaving?

**Alright, I have no clue where this chapter came from. I was just typing and this came out. I like it though and I feel bad for James in this chapter. I had to get this up this early in the morning b/c it's about to starting storming AGAIN! I hate storms. It's been storming all morning and I don't think it will let up for long. It's fine right now but I hear thunder and the clouds are dark. I have no clue why I just told you this. **

**Thank you for the reviews/alerts/favorites! They mean a lot!**

**Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine and neither is anything else you may recognize.**

**James' POV:**

It was finally saturday and I was going to find out if I could go home or if I had to stay another week. I didn't care what it took, I would get on my knees and litterally**beg** Mrs. Knight and Jacob to let me go home. I can't stay here any longer. I really don't want to be here any longer. I honestly feel that I've made some progress with the group sessions and I can make a lot of progress with Jacob.

I was walking to the room where I would be meeting with Mrs. Knight and Jacob. It was just going to be those two in the room with Mrs. Perry, talking to me. I got there and was greeted by Mrs. Perry, who was already in the room. My heart was pounding in my chest. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I wasn't sure why. I just don't want to stay here any longer. I hope I can just go home.

After awhile Mrs. Knight and Jacob had walked into the room. My heart beat just kept getting faster and I felt like it could burst at any minutes. I needed to calm down. They greeted me and I did the same. They sat down and Mrs. Perry, Mrs. Knight and Jacob were talking about the progress I made. Mrs. Perry didn't seem to believe I was ready to leave. That just made my heart rate go up so much.

I really couldn't breathe. It sounded like everyone was so far away from me and my vision began to blur. The room seemed to be getting smaller and I wasn't sure why I was so worked up. I started taking slow, deep breaths through my mouth and closed my eyes. I was trying to calm down but it wasn't working. I stood up instantly, wanting to get out of the room as qickly as possible. I just stood there and I felt light headed. I could tell everyone was looking at me and they were saying something, but I couldn't tell what. Jacob stood up followed by Mrs. Knight. Jacob had his hands on me and was saying something but I still couldn't hear him.

"What?" I managed to ask, but nothing was any clearer. My breathing picked up a lot and then everything went black.

I woke up in my room on my bed. I looked around, confused as to what happened. I just remembered being in the room with the others and not being able to breathe or anything and then everything went black. I looked over and saw Mrs. Knight sitting in a chair next to me. She instantly got up at seeing my eyes open. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed beside me. She began to brush the hair out of my face.

"Oh, Sweetie, are you okay?" She asked and I just pulled my eyebrows together.

"What happened?" I asked and she smiled.

"Jacob believes you had a panic attack. Honey, is everything okay?" She asked and I sat up. My head was still a bit fuzzy.

"I guess I was just panicking because I don't want to stay here. Mrs. Knight, please let me go home. I can't take it here. I'm going nuts. I don't feel like I can tell them anything and they're judging me constantly. Please don't make me stay. Please let me go home." I began and my breathing started to get heavey again and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"James. James, honey, calm down." She said and I nodded and calmed myself the best I could. I didn't want to pass out again.

"Please don't make me stay here." I said as my eyes filled with tears. She stared at me and then nodded.

"I'll be right back." She said and I nodded. I laid back down and closed my eyes. I started breathing slowly through my mouth, doing what I could to keep myself calm.

**Author's POV:**

Mrs. Knight walked out of James' room and walked over to where Jacob was standing. He was talking to Mrs. Perry about whether or not James needed to stay longer.

"He's going home. Today." Mrs. Knight said in a stern, motherly voice. Jacob sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Mrs. Knight, I'm not sure that's such a good idea." Jacob said and Mrs. Knight gave him a look of disbelief.

"He had a panic attack! He was almost in tears in his room just now and begging me not to make him stay here! His breathing became uneven and he could have had another panic attack! He's going home!" Mrs. Knight said, her voice rising a little.

"He freaked out the other day and they had to strap him down and give him medication to calm him." Jacob said and Mrs. Knight stared at him, really not believing what she had heard.

"They gave my son medication without my knowing? They had no right to do that! Also they had no right to strap a seventeen-year-old child down to his bed! Did they not think of how that would affect him?" Mrs. Knight yelled. She didn't care who heard her.

"Mrs. Knight, calm down. It just calmed him down and caused him to fall asleep. It's nothing big. I gave them the authority to do so when we checked him in. It can't harm him and it was nessesary. I think he may need to stay longer." Jacob said and Mrs. Knight shook her head.

"I'm not doing that to him," she said, crossing her arms. "And if you want to continue being his therapist then you'll do what's best for him. And that's not leaving him here. He hates it here and he was so scared he wouldn't get to go home that he had a panic attack. You need to let him go home. He belongs where he's loved and shown strong love. Not where people make him uncomfortable." Mrs. Knight said and Jacob stared at her for moment before sighing.

"Fine," he finally said. "I'll go discharge him. Get him and his stuff together and you can leave." Jacob said, obviously not agreeing with Mrs. Knight's decision. Mrs. Knight walked back into the room to see James lying on the bed with his eyes closed. His breathing was steady and she wondered if he fell asleep again. She walked over and leaned down to him. She gently placed a hand on his shoulder, about to shake him when James opened his eyes.

"Can I go home?" He asked, hope apparent in his voice. She smiled at him and nodded.

"Yes, Jacob's discharging you now," she said and he smiled brightly. He got up instantly and began getting his stuff together. Mrs. Knight helped him get everything and then, after taking one last look around to make sure nothing of James' was left, they walked out of the room. Jacob walked over and let them know that he had been discharged. James couldn't had been happier to be going home. He was pretty sure he would make better progress at home than he ever would when he was here.

**So, what did you think of that? Do you feel bad for James? I sure did!**

**Read and Review please!**


	41. Home Sweet Home

**Alright, well, here's another chapter! Either the next chapter or the one after it is going to be the last :'( After I finish this, I might start a short sequel to The Perfect Life. I'm not entirely sure yet. If I do, it may just be a few chapters, not real long. **

**Thank you for the reviews/alerts/favorites! They mean a lot to me!**

**Disclaimer: Oh yeah, didn't I tell you, I became a multi-millionaire over night and bought BTR this morning! I bet you are so jealous!. . . . . Yeah, I wish! :p**

**James' POV:**

We walked into the apartment and I was instantly greeted by Alli hugging me tightly.

"I missed you so much!" She said and I smiled and hugged her back.

"I missed you too," I said and then kissed her on top of the head. I was then greeted by the guys and Katie telling me hi and that they had missed me and how much different it was without me around.

"Even though you were in Deer Lodge for a few weeks, I never got used to you not being here." Carlos said as we sat on the couch. I just smiled at him. It was nice to know I was missed by them because I know I wasn't missed by parents ever. Well, at least not my dad. I wasn't too sure about my mom. Mrs. Knight told me on the way home that mom was seeking professional help while serving her prison sentence. She was getting mental help and anger management help.

I was happy my mom was making an effort to become a better person. I was happy she was getting the help she needed. I just wish dad had gotten the help he needed. If I hadn't killed him, would he had been willing ot get help? If I hadn't killed him, he would have had the opportunity to get help. At the thought of that I had tears in my eyes. I was looking down at my lap, so I hoped that the others didn't notice.

"James, what's wrong?" Kendlal asked in a worried tone._ Crap!_ I thought to myself.

"Nothing, I was just thinking," I said and he nodded but continued to stare at me.

"Come with me," Kendall said as he got up. I got up and followed him to mine and Alli's bedroom. He shut the door and motioned for me to sit on my bed. I sat down and he sat down beside me.

"What were you thinking about that made you upset?" He asked and I stared at my hands in my lap but didn't say anything. I then sighed and glanced at him before turning my gaze back to my hands.

"I was just thinking about my dad. Do you think that if I hadn't killed him, he would had been willing to get help?" I asked and Kendall sighed.

"James, had you not done what you did, you and your mom would both be dead right now. I know you believe there was another way you could had handle it and maybe there was, but what was done is done. There's nothing you can do to change it. I believe that it was better that it was your dad and not you and you mom. And also after he killed you two, he would had went after Alli and like you said before, he would have had come after the rest of us next.

"James, you saved your family. You saved us from being killed. I don't think your dad would had been willing to get help. Some people are just messed up in their heads and aren't happy until they fulfill what they're twisted minds tell them to do. He was one of them. He wouldn't had stopped and everytime his target was killed, he would find a new one. You did the right thing, James." Kendall said in a calm voice. The way he talked, it was as if he was a father explaining something to their child. Something the child had a hard time understanding. It was a gentle, calm voice.

"I know, I just can't help but feel bad about it." I said and he nodded. He pulled me into a hug.

"I know James. You're a nice guy, that's why doing this was so hard. You wouldn't hurt a fly. And don't try to protest because when we were ten you spent thiry minutes trying to catch a fly so you could release it outside because you didn't want us to kill it. We could had killed it in two minutes but you wouldn't let us harm it. You wanted to let it go outside. That was a perfect example that you, litterally, wouldn't hurt a fly." Kendall said with a laugh. I laughed a little also.

I remembered that night, I was spending the night at Kendall's and Carlos was swatting a fly that was in Kendall's bedroom. Kendall and Carlos were going to kill the fly but I wouldn't let them. I asked Mrs. Knight for a cup and a piece of paper and she gave them to me. I went back in and spent thiry minutes trying to catch it. Mrs. Knight thought it was one of the sweetest things I had ever done. She said it just proved I was a sweetheart. I finally caught it and put it outside.

"I guess you're right. With you guys, I know that I'll make it through this," I said and Kendall smiled. Mrs. Knight walked in and told us that it was dinner time, so we walked out and into the dinning room. I had missed the company at meal times. At the mental hospital, I ate alone. I hadn't gotten a long with anyone very well, so I just sat alone at meal times. I was glad to be home where it's noisey. Everyone was laughing and talking over each other and I loved it. I never would wish to be away from this again.

The whole thing of, you don't know what you've got until it's gone, is so true. I didn't how much I loved the noisiness of 2J until I didn't have it. I would never complain about it being too loud or whatever ever again. I couldn't imagine it any other way.

**Hope you enjoyed! Sorry it was so short :/**

**Read and Review please!**


	42. Everything's Fine

**This is the last chapter :'( Thank you everyone for reading this story! I'm so happy that so many people enjoyed it! I had such a fun time writing it!**

**Thank you for the reviews/alers/favorites! They mean so much to me!**

**And a special thanks to those who gave me ideas for the story. And a big thank you to mandamichelle who helped me a lot with this story! Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine and neither is anything else you may recognize.**

**James' POV:**

It had been one month since I got home from the mental hospital and I had made great progress. I still had a bit of trouble dealing with what I did but I didn't cry or freak out about it anymore. Alli and the boy that asked her out, Mason, were together and going steady. I didn't want her to rush into anything. I broke the boy in right, letting him know that she had a protective brother and one wrong move and he'll be sorry. Alli got mad and told me not to scare him. Kendall just laughed because I did the same thing to Katie when that one boy asked her out. This time, I didn't get the Nerf gun out**(1)**.

I had went and visited my mom with Alli. We went in one at a time and talked to her. She's really actually sorry for everything. I forgave her at the warehouse so she didn't have to keep apologizing. I had told Alli what happened at the warehouse and she forgave mom also. Mom said something about going back to Minnesota after she was done with her sentence.

I made sure she knew neither of us were going with her. She said she was okay with that as long as we came and visited her on the holidays. We agreed to that. I had told her that the Knight family was my family now and Logan and Carlos were also my brothers and Katie was my sister. She said that she was glad that they were treating us right and she wanted us to stay with them. I was happy she was taking it so nicely. I loved her and I would visit her and talk to her whenever I can but I don't want to go back to her legally. You know, have her get custody of us again.

Mom gave Mrs. Knight full custody of both of us. Neither of us expected her to do that. But she requested to talk to Mrs. Knight and Mrs. Knight went to the prison to meet with her. Mom had handed her the papers and asked her to sign for full custody of both of us. I thought when she adopted us she got full custody. But the real deal was that if one of out parents became fit to have us, we went back to them. So since mom would be fit to take us after her one and a half year sentence was up, we would go back to her.

Well, techinically, Alli would go to her. I would be eighteen by that time. I would be an adult so there wasn't anything she could had done. We never asked her to give Mrs. Knight full custody or anything. That was her own doing. And it was done before we went and met with her. She had requested that Mrs. Knight not tell us about their meeting. Mrs. Knight kept her word and didn't say anything to us about it.

Mom told me about their meeting when I met with her and told her I wasn't going back to Minnesota with her. She said she didn't expect us to go and she gave full custody to Mrs. Knight. I couldn't believe it. I honestly believe that was the perfect sign that she had changed. I was happy my mom was getting the help she needed and then help she deserved. I had to smile at the thought.

I was currently sitting on the floor inbetween Kendall's right leg and Carlos' left leg. Everyone but Alli and I were sitting on the couch. Alli and I were on the floor. We were sitting on pillows and had a blanket over us. We were watching Did You Hear About The Morgans? It was one of Alli and Katie's favorite movies. They had put the movie in before us guys had a chance to complain or tell them what movie we were watching. We tried to complain but both girls gave us the puppy dog eyes and we gave in as we always did. Those darn eyes were hard to resist.

I was paying very little attention to the movie I had seen several times because of Alli. I was thinking more about everything. My life had gone from a complete nightmare to completely perfect. Sure my life was far from perfect but it was perfect to me. I had my mom back, I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, a wonderful home life and an amazing career. Gustavo had been as patient as he possibly could with us and now we were paying for it. There were long, brutal hours but I absolutely loved it. It was so worth it to be living my dream.

Gustavo had us coming in at five in the morning and we usually didn't leave until about seven or eight at night. I We were all exhausted but Mrs. Knight, Katie and Alli wanted to spend some time with us since they hardly see us anymore. So we agreed to watch a movie with them before we went to bed. Alli had her head on my shoulder and I had my right arm lying lazily over her shoulders.

By the end of the movie she was asleep and I was falling asleep. I didn't want to wake her so I gently leaned her against Carlos legs and stood up. I leaned down and picked Alli up bridal style and stood up straight. Katie had been leaning against Kendall during the movie and she was out also. Kendall picked her up like a parent would do a child. He had his arms under her legs and her head was turned so her face was towards his neck and laying on his shoulder. Her arms were around his neck and he held her legs around his waist. We both started towards the bedrooms. Kendall went to Katie's room and I went to mine and Alli's room. The others had all began moving in different directions also. Some to the bedrooms, some to the bathroom and waiting on each other.

Once inside the room, I supported Alli with one arm and pulled her blankets back. I laid her down gently and then pulled the covers up over her body. She had been wearing pink sweat pants and an oversized black t-shirt that said New York City in red letters. I had gotten it on our first trip to NYC after BTR became big enough to tour. The shirt was actually mine. Since was wearing that, she didn't need to change or anything.

I walked over and turned the light off and then walked to my bed. I was wearing grey sweat pants and a plain, dark blue t-shirt. I laid down and drifted to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to Logan shaking me.

"James, get up," he said and I groggily looked at him. I rubbed my eye and yawned.

"What?" I asked, not hiding my annoyance and he just laughed.

"We have to get ready to go to the studio. Be quiet because the ladies are still asleep." He said and I nodded. I sat up and yawned again. Yeah, I know I said getting up this early was worth it but not so much when I first wake up. I walked over and got the clothes I wanted to wear and then walked out and to the bathroom. The others don't take nearly as long as I do in the bathroom. Logan always got up before me to get ready. He said that while I was in the shower and everyone else was asleep, it gave him some quiet time to read.

I got in the shower and washed myself quickly. I got out and got dressed in a pair of faded and torn blue jeans and a white t-shirt. I brushed my teeth and had put deodorant on before putting my shirt on. I started fixing my hair which was why I took forever. I had to make sure it was perfect. I was James Diamond after all. I knew all us guys would come home tonight and sleep until Mrs. Knight woke us up and told us it was dinner time, we would eat and then go to bed. That's what we usually did. Last night was hard on all of us. We all had a hard time staying awake.

We all were ready and heading to the studio. We got there and got out of teh car. We walked up to the door and found it locked. Logan was the one who had tried the door and we all looked at each other.

"Why is the door locked?" Carlos asked in a whiny voice. He was way too tired for his own good.

"I don't know, let me call Kelly." Kendall said as he pulled out his phone. He called Kelly and then turned to us once he was off the phone.

"So?" Logan asked in a tired voice.

"Turns out, Gustavo is going to Florida to check out a new singer for Griffin and Kelly forgot to tell us. She said she meant to call last night and tell us we had the day off today but forgot." Kendall said and we all looked at each other and then ran back to the car. Kendall was able to drive a little faster, given that no one was really around. This honestly was the quietest I had seen this city since I got here.

We finally made it home and we basically ran to our room. We got there and all went straight to our bedrooms. I got changed as soon as I was there and laid down on the bed. I covered up and let the warmness of the covers over take my body.

I was woke up to the someone shaking me awake. I opened my eyes to see Alli.

"Go away Alli," I said and rolled over, turning my back to her.

"Come on lazy butt, you've slept almost all day." she said.

"What time is it?" I asked, groggily.

"It's three-thirty," she said and I groaned.

"Fine, I'll get up," I said, getting out of bed. I got up and changed back into the outfit I had wore this morning and then walked to the bathroom to wash my face and fix my hair. I walked out and was met by Mrs. Knight's smiling face. The other guys were eating sandwhiches, mac and cheese and potato chips. Mrs. Knight smiled and sat a plate down for me. I thanked her and sat down and began eating the food.

Later that day we all decided to go out to the pool area. Alli, Carlos and Kendall were in the pool, Katie was with some of her friends, Logan was sitting in the lounge chair beside me and was reading some book and I was just sitting there soaking up the sun and warm air. I was also looking around at everyone. The guys, Katie and Alli were as happy as could be and I loved that. I loved that Alli didn't have to be scared anymore. I wasn't going to let anything ever hurt her again.

Finally everything's fine.

**The End**

**(1) I think he had a nerf gun, right?**

**Hope you liked how I ended it. I wasn't sure what to do so I just did it this way, where eveything's fine for them. =)**

**Thank you for reading!**

**Review please!**


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